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I throw a sock at her.
She laughs and sits up, tossing it back to me. “Well, maybe just give him a chance.”
I fold the sock into its partner. They fit together so well. It’s satisfying. It’s because they’re cut from the same cloth. They’re made for each other. My thoughts drift to Kai again. Cut from the same cloth, we are not. But at the same time, and for a very different reason, I don’t really ever see myself fitting with Nick either.
***
I look at myself in the bright studio vanity mirror, studying my obvious anxiety. I’m desperately trying to turn it into confidence.
Today, we’ll be rehearsing William and Elaine’s first kiss. It’s both their first, and also the first of the play. But ironically, for Kai and me, it’s not our first, and that somehow makes me even more anxious. I’ve quickly worked myself up into a frenzy of nerves, and I feel stupid for putting so much energy into something so trivial. But as hard as I try to take my mind off the impending kiss, it’s all I can think about.
When I close my eyes, I can still feel Kai’s firm arm holding me steady as we walked home from the Christmas party. It was just over a week ago, but it’s the last time I saw him.
By the end of the night, Nick was so drunk he completely ignored me, so I decided to leave with Kai, knowing that his intentions were purely platonic. I’m starting to discover that I really do enjoy his company. And when he offered the macaron he saved in his pocket just for me, I saw a gentler side of him he’s never really shown me before.
He's sweet, and much less annoying than I pegged him to be in the beginning. And now, after being away from him for a week, the butterflies have returned with even more ferocity.
I open my eyes and look at myself again. I glare at my own nervous reflection, scolding myself for letting my feelings creep back in. I have to fight to keep them at bay.
I walk into the rehearsal room to find Nick there, and he immediately comes over to me. “How was your holiday?”
I smile as I fold my script in my hands. I’ve read it a thousand times already, hoping the kiss will eventually disappear from the pages. “It was really nice. How was yours?”
“Mine was great.” His eyes light up. “Oh, by the way, you heard we’re having a New Year’s Eve party tomorrow, right?”
I shake my head.
“Yeah, it’ll be about twenty of us. Mostly cast, a few crew. Super casual, but I rented out a kick-ass suite at the Ritz-Carlton by Central Park.”
“Oh? Should I bring anything?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “It’s all taken care of. You just come and have a good time. Bring a few beers if you really want.”
“Ok, yeah that sounds fun.” I don’t have any plans, anyway.
“You can bring friends too.”
I grin. Leah would love that.
Over Nick’s shoulder, I spot George, who sits in his director’s chair with a dog-eared script in his lap. He waves me over.
I turn from Nick, but he takes my arm before I can move very far. “Hey.” His eyes are suddenly serious. “I uh, I know I sort of left you hanging at the Christmas party. I got a bit distracted.”
I’m not sure how to respond.
“The beer didn’t sit well with me that night,” he adds.
I can tell he’s trying to say he’s sorry, but it isn’t quite an apology. I clear my throat. “I didn’t really even notice.”
He lets out a relieved breath. “Oh good. I was hoping maybe I blew it out of proportion.”
I continue to lie through my best smile.
“Well, anyway,” he continues. “I’ll be excited to see you at the party.”
“It’ll be fun.” I nod, pulling my arm slowly from his. “I’ll talk to you later?”
He lets go and winks. “You know I’ll be here all day.”
