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“Don’t,” I growl out. “None of this is your fault, Landon. I could’ve left, but I chose to stay. That’s on me and our piece of shit father. So get the guilt out of your head, do you hear me?” It’s the same conversation we have every time.
“Yeah, I hear you,” Landon mumbles. “Look, a couple guys from class are here. Good luck with Savanna. Let me know what happens. I love you.”
“Love you too, keep up the good work.”
He hangs up and I blow out a rough breath, the weight of the box cramping my arm. A few people walk through the entrance ahead of me and I follow them inside, waiting behind them as we come to a stop at the elevator. I lean against the wall, trying to conjure an image of what the rest of this day will bring and none of it is what I hope it will be.
If she returned the box without looking inside, that means she isn’t willing to trust me when I say I’ve changed. She’s still scared and there may not be a way for me to change that, no matter how hard I try. I straighten my spine when the elevators open up to her floor and walk out as confidently as I can.
There’s only one way I can make her see through the hurt I caused, but I’m still not certain it will work. If anything, it could only make her more upset – hell, she could assume I wrote all these within the last few weeks just to get her attention.
Either way, I have to try.
Landon’s right. I deserve this after everything I gave up. This could’ve been the place Savanna and I shared together, or there’s a chance we would’ve been living in a house outside the city, but I went and screwed it up.
Not again.
She’s the only woman I have ever loved and I’m going to make her see that. I hug the box against my chest as I walk to her front door. This is a moment that changes everything for me, for better or worse.
Just ring the bell already, Dawson.
The sound of the doorbell inside has me holding my breath as I listen for the sounds of movement on the other side of the door. I let out my breath when she swings it open, her eyes turning to thin slits at the sight of me, and I give her an easy smile.
“What are you doing here? Again,” she mutters. It looks as though she may have been crying recently, judging by the reddening of her eyes.
“We have some things to discuss,” I say before walking past her and into the apartment without waiting for her to invite me inside.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Savanna
Ishould’ve been prepared for him to show up again, but I’m not.
Dawson comes to a stop in the middle of my living room, putting the box onto the coffee table just like he did the first time. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I stomp over to him, but he doesn’t bother glancing at me as he pulls the lid off his box and grabs one of the many envelopes inside.
He ignores me and clears his throat as he starts reading. “Dear Savanna,” his voice chokes on my name and I suck in a breath. “This wasn’t how I wanted things to go tonight. It hurts me to know that I caused you pain, but I’m hoping you’ll one day understand why I had to do this.”
“Stop,” I beg.
This isn’t going to change anything. It can’t.
He drops the piece of paper onto the coffee table, only to grab another one. “Dear Savanna, today would’ve been the day that I proposed to you. I know this because we had it all mapped out. You would’ve gotten dressed up in a fancy dress and as I took you somewhere fancy and confessed my love to you in front of dozens of people even though it gives me anxiety. I know I’m the reason you didn’t get that moment and I’ll spend the rest of my life hating myself for that.” When he puts this one down, I can see there are plenty more words written on it, but he reaches down and grabs another one.
“Dawson,” I choke out. “Please, don’t.”
“Dear Savanna, I asked your dad about you today and he told me you got the job you’ve been trying to get for a while now. If I were with you, we’d be celebrating your accomplishment with dinner and cake for dessert. I would’ve given you a night to remember. I’m sorry I’m not there with you, holding you late into the night and making you breakfast every morning before I head into the station. I love you, but I know you’d never believe that after what I did.”
“Dammit, Dawson. I said stop!”
He shakes his head and smiles at me. “Don’t you get it, Sav? I’ll never stop. Now that I’ve gotten a taste of what it’s like to be with you again, spend moments with you, I will not stop making you see that I love you.”
With that, he reaches for one of the envelopes on top and opens it slowly. “Dear Savanna, I never thought I’d see you again, but I can’t help but be thankful I did. It only made me that much more sure of the love I have for you. Today, I decided to give you these letters, all of which I wrote over the last seven years. It’s my way of hoping that they will help you see I mean it when I say I love you. I love you more than any words could describe and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for you to come back to me.”
Dawson takes a deep breath and continues on. “Your smile is the only thing in the world that can chase all my darkness away, Savanna, and all I want is to experience that smile for the rest of my life. We may not have gotten the life we dreamed together all those years ago, but we have plenty of time ahead of us to make it happen now. I’m willing to move my life to be here in the big city with you, as long as you’re happy and I can keep you in my arms. Being apart from you, even these last few days, has killed me. If I could give you the world, I would because that’s what you deserve.”
At that moment, every single wall I’ve had around my heart comes tumbling down and I fall to my knees on the floor in tears. It only takes seconds before I feel Dawson’s arms wrap around me and envelop me in warmth. I let the sobs take hold of me, my tears soaking through his shirt as I cling to him, and he doesn’t loosen his hold as he picks me up.
He deposits us on the couch, placing me firmly on his lap, and rubs small circles over my back. “Talk to me, Sav.”
