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“Uh, yeah. Sorry.”
Without another word uttered, he makes his way back to the car and slips into the front seat. I wait a few extra minutes to see if he’s going to pull out first, then turn my blinker on to signal my movements. My gaze cuts to the mirror, watching as he pulls out behind me, but instead of following my path he makes a U-turn and heads back in the direction of the main strip.
Instead of going to the hospital like I had planned, I turn left toward my parents' house and shakily come to a stop in front of it not long afterward. I knew that I’d see him eventually, depending on how long I’m staying here, but I had hoped that there would be a little bit more time before I did. If only I hadn’t sped up, then I could’ve gone just a little longer without seeing him.
It took me a little while to tell everyone what had happened seven years ago and Easton immediately wanted to find Dawson and rip him a new one, but I stopped him from doing something he would regret. After I left, I told Easton that I didn’t want to know anything about Dawson’s life, especially if he managed to find someone along the way. Nothing hurt me more than thinking about Dawson living the life we planned together with someone else, so I wanted to steer clear of it.
I’m starting to wish I had asked Easton to send me updates. At least then I would’ve been prepared for how much more attractive Dawson has gotten with age with his strong jawline and piercing blue eyes, and I’m sure if he had taken his uniform off there would be ridges on each and every muscle along his body. He looks like he could be the cover model for Men’s Health and it only irritates me more because now I’m aching for him and I don’t know how to handle that.
I’ve barely gotten out of the car when Bethany comes bursting through the front door, a big smile on her face, with Easton following closely behind her. “Bethy!” I say excitedly, just as I always do, and I wrap her into a tight hug while keeping my gaze on her dad.
He comes to a stop a few feet ahead of us and nudges his head toward the car. “How was the drive?”
There’s no way I’m going to tell him about my run-in with Dawson already, so I simply shrug and give him a small smile. “Very uneventful.” Then I wrap my fingers around Bethany’s hand and lead her inside the house, more than ready to sleep this day away.
How the hell am I supposed to make it through my visit back home knowing Dawson is walking around town in that uniform?
Chapter Two
Dawson
Is it possible for her to be even more beautiful than she was back in high school? It seemed like she was stressed over something when I pulled her over, but I still can’t believe she’s here. I walk through the precinct doors and give the receptionist a small smile as I walk past, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of a bigger smile and give her the wrong idea.
After I broke up with Savanna years ago, I spent most of my time with one-night stands just to get her out of my head, but it never worked. One of those women happens to be the one standing behind the counter. I’ve always made it a point not to have more than one night with the women I come in contact with, but Amanda has been one of the select few that I spent more than one night with.
It doesn’t matter how many nights I spend with another woman though, not when the only one I can think about is the exactwoman I pulled over tonight. Seeing her brought all the hurt and regret rushing back, even if I knew it was the only choice I had at the time and I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have her in my life again.
That’s not an option though.
The moment her green eyes collided with mine, her gaze burned with nothing but anger for the hurt I caused her, and I don’t think that’s something that she will be able to get over. I never did give her an explanation for ending things and she never bothered asking either. We just went about our lives as if we never knew each other at all.
During the months following our breakup, I’d stand close to my locker, watching as she talked with Autumn, and I’d then wait until she disappeared into her next class before heading to my own. I never stopped loving her, even if my actions showed the opposite.
It wasn’t a lie that I told her that night. She deserved to live the life she had planned with me, but it wasn’t something I was able to do any longer and I didn’t want to hold her back. The only way I knew she would still live that dream life was if I ended things and made it so she had no choice but to leave me and Maple Creek behind.
A memory that haunts me clouds my vision and I lean against the wall.
Tonight is supposed to be the culmination of everything we’ve planned. The moment we’ve both been waiting for, but now it’s all going to turn to ash. If it wasn’t for my father threatening Landon tonight, laughing about me leaving and my little brother no longer having the protection from our father he’s had for years, I’d still be heading out of Maple Creek with Savanna after graduation.
I wanted to get to our special spot early so I could think about how I was going to explain everything to Savannah, but every word that runs through my head feels wrong. It’s not what I want. Her feet crunch over fallen leaves, alerting me that she’s here and I don’t have any more time to plan. This is it. My heart thuds against my chest with every step she takes closer to me and I take a deep breath before spinning around and giving her what I hope is a bright smile.
Her mouth is moving a mile a minute, her excitement shining in her eyes, but nothing she says to me is registering. All I can think is that I’m never going to see this side of her again. I won’t be meeting her at this tree late at night, sneaking away from my terrible home life at home just to get a little relief before going back to it. She’s not going to smile up at me as though I hold the universe in the palm of my hands.
That realization causes me to physically ache and it takes every bit of strength not to let it show, even though my stomach is rolling with the need to throw up. I shove the feeling aside because it’s not going to help anything. It doesn’t matter if this is the last thing I want. My brother needs me and I’m going to sacrifice my happiness for his safety. I just wish I didn’t have to break Savanna’s heart and my own to do it.
“Did you bring it?” She asks, bouncing excitedly in front of me.
I almost want to ask what she’s talking about, but the large envelope feels heavy in my hand and I remember the reason we met here tonight. Stalling for time and so she thinks everything is fine, I chuckle softly and say, “Of course, Sav, I don’t think you’d let me live another day if I didn’t.” At this rate, I’m not sure I want to live another day at all.
The way she squeals makes my heart crack. God, this is killing me. I’m acting as though she’s never going to be here again, or dying, but it’s basically going to feel that way because she’ll never forgive me for this. “Well, come on, let’s open them!”
I know as soon as her eyes scan along the paper, the orbs brightening with each word she reads, that she’s been accepted. It’s the reaction we should be having together, just like we planned and anger at my father rears its ugly head all over again. Savanna knocks me off balance by jumping in my arms and I wrap an arm instinctively around her waist, smiling at her before remembering what I have to do next.
She says something when we pull away from each other, but I don’t hear it. All I can hear is the blood pumping in my veins, screaming at me this isn’t right, yet I push it away. “Sav, this isn’t going to work anymore.”
Words are exchanged back and forth, but none of it is making sense. All I hear is a whooshing sound in my ears. I ended it, that much I can tell by the look of hurt and pain on her face and the tears welling up in her eyes. I’m desperate to wrap my armsaround her, tell her I made a mistake, that I can still have this life with her. But I don’t.
It would be a lie.
