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ABBEY
When I push past the bouncer at the entrance and into the crisp night air, the first tear slides down my cheek. The beat of the music from inside Motiv still echoes through my ears. As I rush down the sidewalk toward my apartment, I can feel my phone vibrating in my shoulder bag hanging across my body. I ignore it. I wipe the tear from my cheek.
Suddenly, I hear someone shouting my name from behind me, “Abbey!” I don’t even turn around; I keep my head down and my body moving toward my sanctuary. “Abbey! Wait up! Please! Are you okay?” I now realize it’s Sebastian. I hear his shoes slapping the sidewalk. He’s running to catch up to me. Really, I have no other choice than to stop. I slow my pace, coming to a stop, but I refuse to face him. I wipe another errant tear away.
He comes to a stop behind me then I feel his hand rest gently on my shoulder. “Abbey, I’m sorry,” he says. He’s sorry? What does he have to be sorry for?
I turn to face him. “Seb, you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything,” I tell him. “Parker…he, uh, he was…” I start, but Sebastian interrupts me.
“Parker was being a jealous prick.” He finishes my thought for me.
Except, that isn’t what I was going to say. “Jealous?” I question. “Why would he be jealous?” I hadn’t really processed why Parker said the things he did or why he was acting the way he did. My brain is fuzzy from all the alcohol. Also, I can’t move past his actual words. They keep replaying over and over in my mind. ‘I don’t think you even know how to let someone love you, let alone love someone else.’Those words felt like a stab in the gut. A piercing and excruciating pain.
“Babe, he saw us dancing together. He’s in love with you. And before he went to get drinks with Drew, he was staking his claim on that dance floor. I noticed, and so did everyone else. The problem is, he doesn’t understand us. He doesn’t understand I’m not a threat. I’m just your friend,” he explains.
Thinking the night over, I remember our exchange when the night started. Parker and I made partial declarations and planned for more. Then I remember his last words again, and I feel like throwing up.
“He may be a prick for being a jealous fool. But he was right…God, he was right, and that is what hurts most of all,” I tell Seb. A hiccup escapes from between my lips.
“You’re wrong about that, and so is he.” There is an air of annoyance to his words. He almost sounds mad. “Damn it, Abs. Sure, you’ve had a wall up around your heart, but it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of love. You’ve just been choosey. Love comes in all forms, and man, being loved by you makes a person feel like they’re worthy of that love.”
I stare at him dumbfounded because he has never said anything like that in all the years of our friendship. “You love Rosie, right? Me? Even Drew? I know you love your mom, and there are others. Maybe it’s not the romantic kind of love, but it’s love.”
Now I’m really crying, and there is no stopping the tears from streaming down my cheeks.
Seb reaches up and wipes them away. “I partially agree, though. You try so damn hard to keep people from loving you. Too bad. You’re loved. You’re loved by me and Rosie. And I am certain that prick, Parker, loves you, too.”
I look up into his face, and he has a sort of half-smile hanging on his lips. “Look, I’ve never seen you let anyone, especially a guy, get to you the way this guy seems to have done. I think you may have fallen for this one, Abs. Don’t let him pass you by because he wouldn’t have gotten this close if he wasn’t worthy.” Sebastian pulls me into his side and squeezes me. I relax and return the hug, placing my arms around him.
“Come on, girl. Let me walk you home, so you can sleep off this mess, start fresh tomorrow, and figure out how to completely tear down that wall. What do you say?” Seb holds me a little tighter, and I nod my head into his side.
We walk the remaining two blocks to my apartment without another word. We stay quiet all the way to my front door, where Seb turns me to face him, places his finger under my chin, and lifts it until our eyes meet. “I mean it, Abs, I love you. Be brave. Let this guy love you because I can see it. It’s what your heart wants.”
With that, he drops his hand, leans down, and kisses my cheek before walking away.
I watch him until he turns the corner of the breezeway, then I unlock the door. When I walk into my dark, empty apartment, I don’t even bother switching on a light. I drop my keys where I know the small entry table should be, then I head for my room. My phone has vibrated at least three more times, and I know it must be Rosie. Pulling my phone from my bag, I see I have six missed calls from her. I can’t call her back. I’m exhausted, and right now, I just need sleep. Not wanting to leave her unanswered either, because I know how worried she’ll be, I quickly type a text letting her know I’m home safe and will call her in the morning.
Tossing my phone on my side table, I strip my clothes down to my panties, then pull the sleep tank that was on my bed over my head. I don’t bother with any of my normal nightly routine, I just crawl under the covers and cry myself to sleep.
• • •
Everything hurts. My head. My eyeballs. Most of all, my heart has an ache so deep it feels like it will never go away. I need water first. Coffee second. Then…well, then I have no clue what I need.
I toss the blankets off and slowly make my way to the kitchen. Pulling a glass from the cabinet, I walk to the fridge, taking the water pitcher out and filling the glass to the top. Setting the pitcher down, I take my glass and drink every last drop. Then I pour another. Just as I am about to drink the second glass, there’s a knock at my door.
Setting the glass down, I glance at the clock, thinking it’s early for a visitor. But it’s ten o’clock in the morning, not so early after all.
When I reach the door, I peek through the peephole and am not surprised to see the face of my visitor. Opening the door, I come face-to-face with Rosie, looking tired, a tight smile on her face, and two pints of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey in her hands.
I give her a halfhearted smile and step to the side so she can enter.
As soon as I close the door and turn around, Rosie holds out a spoon and one pint for me. “Hi,” she says.
“Hi,” I say. We both move to the sofa, and I pull my legs up in a crisscross applesauce style. We’re both silent for a few minutes, each taking small bites of our ice cream. Our cure-all.
“Abbey, I’m not sure where to begin,” Rosie says. “I’m hurt you kept this from me. Whatever ‘this’ is,” she continues. “But then I’m pissed at Parker and confused and…”
Looking up at Rosie, I apologize. “I’m so sorry, Rose. The story is long and complicated. Or maybe it isn’t. I can tell you this wasn’t on purpose. We didn’t mean to hurt you and Drew. We wanted to save everyone from…well, from where we are right now.”
