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The scene we were filming today was the first time our characters meet after the funeral. A conversation turns into dinner and a walk by the Thames.
Despite repeating the mantra that I was my character and not me, every moment of last night flashed through my mind like a movie reel.
And I wondered, how was this new relationship with my oldest friend going to play out?
Was I going to fuck it up like I had in the past?
Stepping into the restaurant scene, I felt the other actors’ stares on us, and I had a strange sense of déjà vu.
Could they tell how I felt about Reed? Did they know?
Suddenly my skin was too tight, and I kept flubbing my lines.
When Jared called for a break, I headed for the catering room, in need of water and something to eat.
Reed didn’t follow. Instead, I left him discussing the next shot with Jared.
I guess I wasn’t as ready as I thought.
Whenever anxiety reared its ugly head, the urge to get high wasn’t far behind.
I grabbed a protein bar and downed a whole bottle of water, then went for a walk around the grounds.
Exercise helped in calming my nerves, and some of my urge. I texted my sponsor back home and we agreed to a call once I was done shooting for the day.
A half hour later, I returned to the dressing room where I found Reed alone, getting changed into his next outfit.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, just nerves. I felt like everyone could, you know, tell about us.”
“Except for Jared and Korry, they can’t. And if they do see something, it’ll be the characters we’re playing.”
“I hope so. I mean, I just want to keep this between us. Until we’re ready.”
There was no one else around, so I took his hand in mine, pulled him in close and gave him a soft kiss. His touch soothed me and at the same time, set my heart racing again.
There was a sudden knock on the door, and we quickly parted.
“Come in!” Reed yelled out.
I sat down in one of the chairs and pulled out my phone. Pretending to look busy.
I relaxed when I realized it was just the hair and makeup crew.
Once our touch ups were done, we were ready to film again.
I remembered Reed’s comment and got my head in the game. We were playing characters falling in love. So, if anyone saw anything, they’d see that.
Usually, I slipped into the role of another person to escape myself. But this time, my character was taking cues from me.
Falling in love was happening in real time.
Reed
“Hey, are you okay?”
Jared’s question during our break surprised me. We’d completed our scene with only a few takes, and everything was good. I wasn’t stressed or anything.
