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Reading the room was one, and respect was the other.
* * *
I texted Devo on my lunch break in my truck, parked half a block away from Red Wild. My eyes flicked back and forth every few seconds from my phone to the two doors and the sidewalk between Devo and me.
The feeling inside me, knowing I’d hurt her, knowing that the fear I couldn’t help but feel had made me act a fool… It was unbearable.
I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. Will you give me a chance to fix it?
She hadn’t replied yet, but my phone told me she’d seen the message.
If you come to my house tonight, I’ll apologize properly, and I have something I want to ask you.
She’d read the second text, too, but still wouldn’t respond. Dammit. C’mon, Devo. Give me a chance. I wasn’t sure I deserved one, but I was desperate for her to text me back.
This isn’t about sex. Sorry, I kind of made it sound like it was.
I waited, holding my breath, like if I let it out, the possibility of her responding would be carried away with the wind.
Three dots appeared, then disappeared for thirty seconds.
. . .
I was about to storm into Red Wild to demand her attention. All I wanted was her eyes on me, and maybe I wanted to hold her heart in my hand and protect it and love it and watch it grow.
But then the three dots reappeared.
. . .
What time?
Yes!
Unless there’s an emergency, I should be home by 9.
. . .
Do you PROMISE not to hurt me???
I’m doing everything I can think not to.
That’s not a promise, Abey.
I promise.
And I hoped like hell I could keep it.
* * *
It was the slowest day on freakin’ record.
There had been an hour in the afternoon when Roxanne, Frank, and I sat around the break room in front of an oscillating fan, sweating through our uniforms and staring at the walls. Shelley sat at the desk out front with a cold pack slung over the back of her neck and a little plastic table fan aimed right at her face.
Dan was still pissed, so he ate his lunch in his cruiser out back. At least he had good air conditioning. The sheriff’s station felt like a swamp in the dregs of summer in fucking Louisiana. Even my ears were sweating.
After I texted Devo and she granted me the chance I’d been hoping for, I’d gone over to the farmers market to talk to Sissy. She promised not to dump any more beverages on Dan’s head as long as he loosened up a bit.
I couldn’t guarantee he would. There were a lot of promises I wanted to make but couldn’t, and I didn’t like how it felt. I wanted to be someone who could make them, and more than that, I wanted to be someone who could keep her promises, someone who could be counted on to keep them.
