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It applied in my job, and it applied to Devo.
If I could have, I would’ve promised her the world. She deserved it.
And there it was.
I’d never felt that way about anyone before, had never imagined how bad it would feel to break a promise to a woman like her before.
I’d never wanted to offer so much of myself to another person, to have them depend on me, to have the things in their life rely on the things in mine.
I’d never wanted someone to love me the way I wanted Devo to love me. Down to my soul. To my bones.
It didn’t matter what I looked like, if my hair was a mess or my house was. I wanted her to love me because I was me. Because I was worthy of her love. I knew I could be.
Devo was more than worthy. I loved her conviction for everything she believed in. I loved how she fought tooth and nail for things that were important to her and how she cared so much for people she’d never even met, the way she cared for the people who came to Ace’s House, the way she loved Theo and Vern, the way she loved her mama—because of what was inside them.
And I loved the way she made me feel, like with just a look, I’d been wrapped up tight in her arms.
I loved how I felt when she looked in my eyes and found good there. And strength.
Frank had been right that I could be myself, and Devo deserved someone who was brave.
When I spoke to her, Sissy had some advice on the subject, though I couldn’t imagine how she’d even known I was struggling, but it was Sissy. She was like the unofficial grandma of Wisper. She knew everything there was to know about everyone in this damn town.
She’d said life is full of things that “ain’t fair” and things we wish we could change, but if I let an opportunity for happiness pass me up because I couldn’t drag myself out of my own wallowing, if I couldn’t rise above my own fear, then she would dump a smoothie over my head too.
And Sissy had been right. Devo made me feel one hundred feet tall and like the richest person in the world. She made me believe I could accomplish anything, even though I didn’t have faith in myself sometimes. I acted like I did, but it wasn’t always true.
Devo believed. So I could too. Was I really willing to walk away from that?
From her?
CHAPTER TWENTY
ABEY
At 9:05 p.m., a tinny knock on my aluminum screen door wiped the cheesy smile off my face, and I sprang up from my spot on the couch, where I’d been thinking about Devo and waiting for her.
Suddenly, my hands began to sweat, my heart pounded, and everything I wanted to say to her became a swirling jumble of spit in my mouth.
She pushed open the door, peeking her head in before I could get to it. “Abey? Is this okay?”
“Yes,” I said. “Please come in.”
She stepped over the threshold, pulling the screen shut behind her and dropping her big messenger bag by my work boots on the floor.
I walked behind her silently and shut the big door, then locked it. I needed privacy and security for the things I wanted to tell her. All my windows were open though. It had become habit ’cause my little apartment didn’t have air conditioning, and this summer had been a constant heatwave. I’d never been so ready for fall to kick in, but already, tonight, the temperature had begun to drop. Today was the last day forecasted to be hot. Just imagining the crisp breeze that would soon be whipping down from the Tetons made me feel cooler, and soon they’d be topped with snow again too. Seeing the snow always made the shivers set in.
“Hi,” she said when I stood in front of her.
I felt my soul light up as I looked at her. She was a vision, still wearing a black “Hike it Red Wild Style” shirt with khaki shorts and black flip-flops. Her toenails had been painted black too. But under her clothes, she was a strong woman. Even the way she stood was powerful, with her hand fixed on her hip. She knew what she wanted and what she didn’t, and she wouldn’t accept anything less than total honesty.
“Hi.”
The side of her mouth lifted a little, but she cocked her head. “So…?”
Oh, right. She was waiting for me to do more than stare at her. I flung my arm toward my couch. “Sit with me?”
“Okay.” She wasn’t sure about me yet, was probably doubting me, wondering what I could possibly say to make up for everything I hadn’t said earlier. And I had no doubt she’d walk away if I didn’t say it now.
