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“Sure. Maybe they do, and I work hard to appear loveable. But they also don’t really know me, and what if once they know the truth, when it’s out there for all to see, what if they take their love back? Right now? Right when I’m steppin’ into this new job, right when their lives depend on them respectin’ me and knowin’ I’ve got their backs?”
“Have you ever thought that maybe if you’re honest with ’em, they might trust you more?”
I snorted. “Right. That’ll happen.”
Devo sighed, but she didn’t let go of my wrist. She rubbed her thumb over it. “I can’t tell you what to do. All I can tell you is that I will support whatever decision you make, but I can’t live in the dark. I want to see where this can go between you and me, but it hurt too much the first time. I can’t be your secret. I just can’t. It’s not who I am.”
“I don’t want that either. That’s why I’m askin’ you on a date.”
“To the fall dance,” she said flatly. “To the place literally everyone who lives in Wisper will be… at the same time?”
When she put it like that, my heart raced inside my chest. I thought I might puke. But I said, “Yes.”
I said it ’cause I could picture it: laughing while we line danced together, tripping over our feet, holding her hand while I paraded her around, showing off my beautiful girlfriend. It was everything I’d ever wanted in my life.
Someone to call my own.
And Devo could be my own. I’d be scared, but I’d be damn proud to have her on my arm. No one else would do.
She was it for me.
“Can I think about it?”
Shit. That wasn’t the response I’d been hoping for. “Y-yeah. Of course. Take as much time as you need.”
She pushed my chin up with a nudge from her finger this time when I stared down at my lap. I didn’t know what else to say. “I want to, Abey. I really do.”
I nodded, trying to smile, but I was doubting everything now. If she cared about me the way I did her, wouldn’t she have screamed yes from the rooftops?
“C’mon.” She slid from the couch and stood, dragging me toward the back of my apartment by my hand.
“Where we goin’?”
“You said you had a bed, right?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
DEVO
Abey looked relieved as I led her to her bedroom.
Everything she’d said was “right.”
With everything I had inside me, I wanted to believe in her—in us, in what we could be together—but if Abey hurt me, I’d never recover. I knew it now.
Love was all light and sunshine. It felt so good… until it didn’t anymore.
That light could betray you. Lull you into a false sense of security.
Who was I kidding? I had already fallen in love with her. Her light had begun to settle under my skin the night I picked her up with my pizza.
Watching her closely over the summer and getting to really know her had shown me just how beautiful she was and how good and how loving she was to everyone around her. She even cared about cranky old Red Graves, and he barely deserved it. His status as a human being was the only thing that made him halfway worthy, at least that was what I’d thought a week ago. Maybe my opinion was changing. Maybe what he’d gone through with his wife wasn’t so different than what I’d gone through with my ex.
But Abey hadn’t judged Red for his bad attitude. She gave her love and protection anyway, just like my mom gave hers to every living being on the planet. Until they proved themselves undeserving, they loved everyone. Was that why I was so drawn to Abey?
I had been the one going around claiming to love and accept every sexual identity—every single identity, period—but I hadn’t accepted or loved Red. I hadn’t even thought he had even been deserving of other people’s love, let alone mine.
But none of it mattered if Abey wasn’t sure. I needed her to be sure before we went public with this. Before the reality of it in the public eye stressed us both out and cracked all that was good between us.
