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“How the fuck they up this early thinking about dick?” he groaned under his breath, referencing the “come fuck me” texts before placing his phone down again. Shalece had sent several back-to-back which she thought made her a priority, but only irritated War. He was a patient man. The type who could be still for hours at a time where most would lose their minds. The patience was what crafted expertise to successfully navigate the life he lived. Used to live.
So with ease a few more hours passed before the lunch rush started spilling in. She didn’t show. That worried him but he would see her soon. He had to know she was good. As he stretched his stiff limbs, War’s eyes swept the restaurant. He had been ducked off in the corner, unnoticed and unbothered. That was the norm in his world. No one bothered War. They watched, wondered, admired, respected, some even loved him but no one bothered Wardell Gerrad.
Pushing out a short sigh moments later, he was on his feet to leave but not before dropping a few more bills to cover his meal. As he moved through the building, he could feel the eyes on him and hear the whispers. Women smiled and giggled while men either tightened their expressions or offered a respectful nod. As low key as he was, people knew him. This was his city.
Once he reached his truck and settled inside, War received a call that couldn’t be ignored. Instead he answered with one word. “Yeah?”
“You coming through?”
“Maybe later. I have some shit to handle.”
“Okay well call me back if you are, Mama wants to see you.”
“I know. If not today then this week,” he assured his sister with confidence. It had been a week since he pulled up on her or their mother. War knew it was time and wouldn’t further disappoint the women in his life. They needed to physically see him in order to be assured that he was okay, no matter how many times he promised he was.
Years in the streets had them on edge where he was concerned. It was a weight he unintentionally placed on their shoulders so War never complained. When his mother and sister needed him to check in, he did. However, right now, he had some checking in of his own to do. So he started the engine on his Range and eased out of the parking lot, turning up the volume of his radio to drown out his thoughts.
TWO
Cali sat on the ground staring blankly at the headstone before her. She had been here what felt like a million times but seeing his name still seemed foreign. After a week of not hearing from Merritt, Cali knew in her heart something wasn’t right.
He talked recklessly about how he lived, the things he was into. She had seen the guns, the money, and heard the conversations he had about his lifestyle while he lay in the bed they shared. A bed he left often to dip off into the streets.
One week with no communication had Cali searching his name. She found a report of an incident. A man shot and killed near an abandoned building in what appeared to be a drug related altercation. Her world was crushed. Merritt was gone and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do except experience the loss he left her with.
Nathan Joseph Merritt. Even if the letters were printed on his official documents and engraved on the weathered stone, that wasn’t who he was to Cali. She had even seen it printed on his license once, when she demanded to know what his parents named him but Cali didn’t know Nathan Joseph.
“Merritt.” She whispered his name before swiping a tear from her left cheek then her right. The tears fell slowly.
“I miss you so much. It’s been so long but it still feels new. What am I supposed to do?”
Live!
She could hear his voice so clearly. Merritt made her promise damn near daily that if anything ever happened to him she would live.
“Get you a man who deserves you. You only get one time to slum it, Cali. Women like you don’t settle. You’re slumming with me. I damn sure don’t deserve you but I’m selfish. I want you so bad I don’t know how not to. I won’t even deny it, but when I’m gone, make sure the next one you fall for deserves you. My time with you is temporary, so promise me.”
Cali’s chest tightened from the memory. Merritt knew his fate, he lived dangerously. He was a wild one who was addicted to the thrill. The only way out for him was death or jail. He said it so much that the words were branded in Cali’s soul.
It was the reason he made a point of consuming her so intensely, so fast. The second Merritt met Cali he realized she was special. His Cali was rare. Someone you cherished and only got to experience once in a lifetime. Merritt was the type of man who wanted it all even if he knew he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her. He always made her promise to…
Live!
“I’m trying but this shit is hard. I have no clue what to do without you. I don’t want anyone else. How can I after you? I hate you so much. You damaged me, Merritt. I’m damaged goods and will be for the rest of my life because I experienced you.”
I hate you because you made me love you then you left me!
Swiping a few more tears, Cali stood to her feet, inhaling and exhaling a few deep breaths. It did very little to ease the restricted feeling that rested in her chest. Her eyes swept the headstone one last time before she walked away with weighted steps. She managed to hold it together until she reached her car.
The second her hand brushed the door was when she lost it. Her body convulsed from the howling cry that left her lips followed by labored breathing, forcing her body into a panic. War, who had been sitting in his truck, waited to see if she would get things under control on her own but after a minute or so, he said fuck it, stepping out of his Range not bothering to shut the door.
His legs moved with long strides until he reached Cali, lifting her from the ground and holding her tightly against his frame. The embrace was secure, dangerously close to painful for Cali, but she needed it. Even fear of the unknown didn’t force her thoughts to disconnect.
This man was a stranger. He could easily have her resting in the plot next to Merritt but she was too emotional to be rational. She needed the closeness, she needed him and he wasn’t here, so this stranger would have to do.
“Hey, take a deep breath. Slow and steady or you’re gonna pass out. Whatever it is will be okay but you gotta be here for it to be okay.”
The rumble of War’s voice vibrated through his chest where the side of Cali’s face rested. His deep baritone was soothing in a sense. She was seconds away from destruction but he was calm. Even as he held her tightly, she could feel how calm he was. His calmness moved through them both, allowing Cali’s breathing to slow just a bit, which was enough for her sense to return. She pulled away but those strong arms only allowed so much distance.
