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“I don’t know.” Cali smiled briefly. It had been so long since she had anyone offer to make the day about her. No one had since…
“You need to decide. It’s your day. You’re calling the shots, love.”
War rounded the front of her car, attempting to get in, but the proximity of the seat to the dashboard prevented his body from fitting comfortably. Turning to the side, he used the controls to adjust for his size then lifted his legs in, closing the door. Cali stood near the driver’s side trying to decide if this was really happening. The fact that he had made himself comfortable in her car proved it was, but she could still back out, right?
Sucking in a deep breath, she braced herself, knowing War was going to adjust things in her life. This man had already inserted himself into her birthday plans or lack thereof. He was also sexy, demanding without much effort, and a constant reminder of everything she hated about Merritt’s life. Each of those things were blazing red flags but Cali was drawn to War. In the short time since she’d lost Merritt, there wasn’t a man she encountered that demanded her attention like War was currently.
Live!
Merritt’s words pushed through Cali’s mind as if giving her the courage to try. Deep down inside she felt she wasn’t ready and there was no guarantee she would be able to allow anyone into her life, but at the very least she was going to try. Cali missed feeling like she belonged and more than anything she wanted to rid herself of the emptiness she felt from being alone.
THREE
War sat across from Cali, trying desperately to find ways to take her in without causing alarm. She hadn’t spoken much, so he remained quiet as well, but there was no way he could deny what was going on inside of him. Everything about Cali was intriguing. The simplicity of her features contradicted the complexity of her demeanor.
Even if she hadn’t said much, War could feel everything about her and wanted more. If she wouldn’t offer the answers, he would have to force Cali’s hand. War began asking questions… questions he knew the answers to in hopes that he would learn things he didn’t.
“What do you do?” Besides barricade yourself in the apartment he pays for, missing him.
When those big, bright eyes lifted from the plate Cali had been shoving food around on, War’s pulse increased.
“Nothing, well at least not at the moment.” Her soft smile was genuine and conflicted.
“Nothing?”
“Nope, nothing at all. I uhhh… I guess you can say I’m between a disastrous past and a promising future...” That damn smile is going to challenge my resistance. “…once I figure it out.”
All War offered was a slight motion of his head, but his eyes said so much more. Cali sensed he was a man of few words, but when he did speak, what he offered would have you hanging onto each one as if your life depended on it. She felt intimidated and at ease, which was a strange combination. However, she welcomed his presence.
“My boy… my friend…” The reason why I’m drifting. “…died a few months ago.”
“You were going to say boyfriend.” That intense stare was on her again, causing Cali to shift in her seat.
“We were close. He wasn’t necessarily my boyfriend because of who he was. Our time was always limited…” Cali laughed lightly with a quick shake of her head as her eyes shut tightly. It was an attempt at controlling raging emotions but watching the process set War’s in motion. He didn’t like the pain he felt radiating from Cali. Pain from no longer having Merritt in her life. It was something he felt as well, just in a different way. “…he was right. He didn’t want me to miss him when he was gone. Said he couldn’t take knowing he ruined my life any more than he had when he was here. He wanted me to live but…”
How do you when you miss him so much?
“But you can’t because you do miss him even though he told you not to.” War watched her face, taking in every detail. “Is that who you were at the cemetery to see?”
This time it was Cali who offered a slight nod.
“Do you believe what he told you?”
“Believe him?” Cali’s face scrunched. Her nose wrinkled while her eyes lowered just enough to appear closed.
“You said he wanted you to live, right?”
Cali’s lips parted slightly while she considered the depth of the question posed. Merritt had said it more times than she could remember but it didn’t matter. She missed him, she wanted him. When he was around, he inspired her happiness. One person singlehandedly lifted her up then tore her down…when he left.
“Why are you thinking so hard? It’s a simple question.” War could sense the conflict happening in her mind.
“Yes, but…”
“Then live, Cali. Anyone who truly loves you wouldn’t want you to be unhappy or in pain. Even if that means moving on. Like it or not, you’re here and he’s not. Life doesn’t stop.”
Instantly, she tensed in her seat as her spine straightened and her eyes lowered even more. This time they offered the appearance of thin slits while her lips pursed before she offered her voice. “I appreciate the effort, but this isn’t helping. I’m going to leave now.”
She eased from the chair but War stood seconds after. “I lost someone too. That shit hurts. Trust me, I get it. You feel like you lost a piece of yourself but that piece isn’t a total of who you are. You can’t shut down and not acknowledge the fact that you’re still here. I struggle with the same thing every day.”
