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I headed straight home. No, not home. I went back to Diesel’s place and began to pack up our lives. Lives that had gotten so inextricably intertwined with his over the past few weeks that it was hard to say what was his and what was ours. “Anything that’s a question stays here,” I growled as I tossed clothes into bags, toys into plastic bins, moving around the space like a mad woman.
Tomorrow, Leo and I would return to our normal lives. There was no sign of any threat, at least none that Diesel had shared with me, and, honestly, I didn’t think there would be. Plus, I’d not received any more notes or gifts. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like it was just my overactive mystery writer’s imagination making me jumpy. There had been nothing threatening in the letters, Diesel had just used my fear as a way to get close to Leo and manipulate me. This was all a ploy to get some in-house pussy for a while, which still didn’t make any kind of sense. Then again, men never made much sense to me anyway.
***
I didn’t know how much time had passed when I heard the front door open and the sound of Diesel’s heavy footsteps and then Leo’s faster ones on the hardwood floors, but enough that at least half of our belongings were packed.
“We need to talk.” Diesel always spoke in that deep, commanding voice that almost made you snap to obey him. It was a trick, or maybe it was a result of him being a leader for so many years, first in the military and then the MC. Either way, that shit didn’t work on me anymore.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Diesel. I don’t need excuses or pretty words. I know what I saw.” Despite the fact that my mind kept screaming that he pushed the blond away. Twice.
“Bullshit,” he growled, stepping between me and another duffel bag of clothes. “You were looking for a way out from the first fucking moment you agreed to come here. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re not,” I agreed easily. “But even knowing that, you couldn’t help yourself.” I looked away as his gaze tore into me, as if he could see down to my soul.
“I didn’t do shit. Simone is eager and handsy, but I put her in her place, and I think you know that.” I said nothing and he shook his head, growling his frustration. “I have feelings for you, Ellie. I care about you, even though I’m not used to caring about anyone outside the club. Hell, I’m not used to thinking about anyone else, yet I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Was he being honest? I didn’t know, but my poor, neglected heart wanted to believe it so fucking badly that I felt my body sway, the urge to fling myself at him strong. Potent.
He flashed a bitter smile. “That’s not enough for you is it, Ellie? All you can see is a biker. A biker you refuse to trust.”
That hit me hard, and worse, the look of deep hurt on his handsome face was enough to shred my heart into a million threadbare pieces. “It’s not that.”
“Then what the fuck is it, sweetness? I’m here and I ain’t going anywhere.”
“I’m not enough.” The truth burst free, a truth I didn’t even know I’d been thinking, and then just like that I couldn’t stop it from flooding out. “I know that. I have lived it enough times in my life to know it’s true. And seeing that chick, all blond and sexy, pushing up on you and taking what she wanted? I know it’s just a matter of time before you find someone more exciting, more experienced than me. Someone better than me.” It felt damned awkward to say those words aloud, but Diesel deserved the truth.
Diesel tossed his head back and laughed, but his smile and his laugh lacked all traces of humor. “Then tell me, Ellie, who the fuck is better than you? Because from the moment I saw you, it’s been you.”
I shook my head, unwilling to believe his sweet words.
“Seriously. At first glance you come across as vulnerable and frail, like you need someone to protect you. But you don’t. Just under the surface is a fierceness and a strength that only makes you hotter in my eyes. It makes me not just want to fuck you and hear you scream my name, it makes me want to know you. And you know what, sweetness?” He licked his lips in that sexy, flirty way that made my heart pound even more ferociously against my chest.
I shook my head, because I didn’t know what else he might say.
“The more I learn about you, the more I want to know you. The more I just plain fucking want you.”
Holy wow. Tears started stinging behind my eyeballs and I shook my head again. I couldn’t let what he’d said sink into my brain, or worse, my heart. “I want to believe you,” I told him, my voice holding a weight and a sadness that was undeniable.
“Then believe me,” he answered with a gentle smile. “Believe in me, sweetness. I won’t let you down.”
I won’t let you down. How many times had I heard that in my life, only to be let down? Again, and again. It was too much to believe in, and the fact that I wanted to believe it terrified me. “This is moving too fast.”
His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
I pushed at his massive chest, but, of course, Diesel didn’t budge an inch. “This,” I motioned between us. “We’re living together and sleeping together. We’re playing house together with Leo and I don’t know a damn thing about you.”
“You know plenty about me,” he insisted. “More than any woman other than my mother.” He must’ve seen the hesitation that swam in my eyes, because he smiled and cupped my face with one hand, the other pulling our heads together until our foreheads touched. “But if you really feel that way, how about a dessert date tomorrow after work?”
I laughed. “What the hell is a dessert date?”
“It’s something that busy working parents do that I totally just made up. Tomorrow after work, we’ll have dessert together in the backyard and we’ll get to know each other. Favorite color. School mascot. Most hated song. All of it.” He looked so hopeful, so sure it would help that I couldn’t say no.
“Yeah, okay. Yes,” I said more clearly, because he deserved a decisive answer. “Yes.”
“Good.” Diesel pressed a soft, teasing kiss to my mouth. He held himself just out of reach to deepen the kiss, and that only made me want to taste his lips even more. “I can’t wait.”
A small part of me was excited at the prospect, but a bigger part of me was scared as hell. “Me too,” I admitted, and looked away because I knew it wouldn’t come to anything, not for real and not in the long term.
