AllFreeNovel
Share Us
After breakfast, Leo and I did a few learning games to help get him ready for preschool which he was starting in a few months, and then it was time for his checkup appointment. “Ready to see the doctor, honey?”
“No,” he pouted, and shook his head, punctuating his unhappiness with a stomp of his foot. “Please, Momma, I’m healthy. Look.” Leo flexed his biceps and did a few jumping jacks to prove his strength.
“You are big and strong and healthy, but I’d feel better hearing those words from your doctor.” I had no worries about Leo’s health, but this appointment was on the books since last year, and no matter what, I refused to put it off.
“Okay, Momma. We can go.”
I smiled at his acquiescence. He was such a good boy, but Diesel’s influence was obvious in the way he took charge. He was even a little bossy these days, just like his daddy. “Thank you, baby.”
***
We made it to the pediatrician’s office with twenty minutes to spare, a rarity when one was the mother of a precocious four-year-old boy, but I took the win, checking in and taking a seat while Leo played with other kids. He was such a good boy, gently taking charge to make sure all the kids received a turn with the toys without being overbearing about it.
Just like Diesel.
My phone buzzed and I looked down at the screen with a wary smile before I answered. “Ryan. Hi.”
“Hey,” he said, his voice hesitant. I understood why after our last interaction. “I’ve missed you, Ellie, and I was wondering if you were free for lunch today. My treat.”
Lunch with Ryan wasn’t at the top of my list of things to do, but I needed to get my life back on track. I’d gotten over the scare at my bungalow, it looked like Diesel, and his club brothers were finding answers about my mom, so things were settling down. I still hadn’t found the right time to tell Diesel he was going to be a dad again, but that was definitely on my to do list, I couldn’t lose myself in just being a mother, so I found myself agreeing. “You know what, Ryan. Yes, that sounds great. How about we have lunch at the diner.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I could go for a Tex-Mex omelet.”
He laughed. “See you soon.”
I ended the call with a sigh, trying to decide if I should let Diesel know of my plans or if I should just wait until later to explain. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission, I told myself as I settled into a purple chair in the waiting room. I hadn’t seen Gio following me this morning, I assumed my shadow must be around somewhere—unless Diesel had called him off, now they had a lead. I smiled thinking of the prospect, he was a good guy, and he had been telling the truth, as Diesel hadn’t mentioned anything about my medical appointment it was clear the order for Gio to follow me was more for my safety, rather than him wanting a blow-by-blow account of my day.
I sighed, tonight would be the night I’d tell Diesel he was going to be a father.
“Excuse me, dear.” An older woman took the seat beside me, falling abruptly into the plastic chair with a grunt. “Here’s a tip, don’t get old.”
I laughed at her smiling face and good-natured joke. “I don’t know, getting old is a sign you’ve lived a good, long life. Isn’t it?”
Her smile transformed her face from an old woman full of wrinkles to a beautiful woman who lived her life well. “Yeah, that’s one way to look at it. Those four rugrats are my grandbabies, four of ten,” she said with a wistful smile. “My John and I lived our life to the fullest. You’re making a good start,” she said, and nodded towards Leo.
“I love Leo, but he’s not a sign of a life well-lived, I’m afraid.” I gave her a brief explanation of my sister and her disappearance.
“That’s all right.” She patted my knee. “Those rugrats keep me young, and they remind me of being young and in love. I am Alana.”
“Nice to meet you, Alana. I’m Ellie.”
“Ellie, what a pretty name,” she said as she kept a watchful eye on her grandchildren. “At the end of each day I spend with them, I sit on the porch and watch the sunset while I tell John about my day. He’s been gone a long time, but I like to think he’s a rapt audience every evening.”
“That’s incredibly sweet. You must have loved him very much.” I wondered what it would be like to be brave enough to experience a love like that, and the pain of losing that love.
“I did. I still do.” She sighed wistfully. “And what about you? You look like a woman in love. Tell me about your beau.”
“Beau?” I shook my head as a laugh escaped at the old-fashioned term. “He’s not my beau, exactly. It’s complicated.”
“Love is always complicated,” she assured me. “But when it’s right, it’s just right.”
“How do you know it’s right? Everyone thinks it’s right, don’t they? But many loves don’t last.”
Alana smiled. “To love is to risk, but not to love is to lose.” The phrase sounded profound, but I had no clue what she meant. Alana snorted out a laugh. “Loving someone so completely and knowing that they love you too? It’s worth the risk of their death, the risk of losing them too soon. You can’t live your life worrying about when things will end. We don’t know how much time we’ve got, but fretting about it will make what time we do have a chore, rather than a gift.” She paused and patted my hand, “That old saying rings true—yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift which is why it’s called the present.”
I smiled at her words, “You don’t regret loving your John?”
