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Beth took a deep breath and launched into a speech that she hoped would make sense to Jared. More than anything, she hoped it would convince him to have a child with her.
“I know I've got baby on the brain, but that's at least partly your fault. You marched in here and demanded I marry you because you thought I was pregnant. That put the thought in my head. I kept thinking, What if? What if I was pregnant with your child? What if we had a baby together? What if we viewed this as a marriage of convenience, an opportunity to have a son or a daughter that we wouldn't otherwise have? With our lifestyles, this might be the only chance either of us ever gets to be a parent.”
She stopped talking and turned around in his arms to look at his face. His expression was impossible to read. It wasn't happy or angry. Neutral. He seemed to be contemplating her statement. Slowly, he shook his head, and she took that as a bad sign. She plunged ahead before he could shoot her down.
“Think about it. You could have a son to take to baseball games, or a little girl you could teach to ride a horse, just like you taught me. We could spend Christmas together each year and make memories. We can start our own traditions and use some from your childhood. We can have hot cocoa, trim the tree, go sledding. Kids get so excited at Christmas. We would have a blast.”
“I agree.” He smoothed the hair back from her face. “But I don't want a child of mine living all the way out here.” He snorted. “I don't want you living out here. This is a dangerous place, too far from medical help. What if something happened and you couldn't get him or her to a hospital in time?”
She sat up, and the sheet slipped enough to expose the tops of her breasts. “If the only way you would have a child with me is if we live in Boston, I'm willing. That's how much I want this.”
“You would be miserable in Boston.”
“Not if I have a child to look after and to love. I've seen how much joy being a parent brings to other people. I'm ready. I'm one hundred percent sure I want to have a family of my own. Aren't you?”
He hesitated.
She bit her lower lip.
His shoulders sagged. “I'm not.”
Her heart plummeted to her stomach. “You don't want a child? Or is it that you don't want to have one with me?”
He sighed. “Come on, Beth. We're past that. You know how I feel about you.”
“I do?” She made a face of disbelief. “How am I supposed to know when you don't tell me?”
He cupped her face gently between both hands and gazed into her eyes. “Listen. If I was going to have a baby with anyone, I would want it to be with you. I'm just not sure about bringing a child into this world when I work such ridiculous hours. What kind of a father could I be when I'm in Boson and the kid is here?”
“I told you I'll move to Boston. We can raise our child there. I'm okay with that.”
“For now.”
“What does that mean?”
He released her face and rolled out of bed, dragging the sheet with him. She held onto the blanket. He wrapped the sheet around his hips while she enjoyed the view. Working on the ranch with a bunch of men meant she saw bare upper torsos from time to time, but no one looked as good as Jared. She could easily count his well-defined six-pack from across the room.
“You would say anything at this point to have a baby.”
She blinked at him. “Are you calling me a liar?”
“No.” His gray eyes twinkled, and he smiled, obviously trying to soften the blow. “I know you mean what you say. You would move to Boston, and for a while it would probably be good. For both of us. But eventually you would come to resent me for taking you away from your horses.”
Was he right? Would she? The thing that scared her the most was that if he was right, she could wind up resenting her own child.
Not willing to give up the only man she had ever wanted, she back-peddled. “We don't have to make a decision right now. Take your time. I can wait.”
Once he was fully dressed, he glanced out the window, and she knew what he was thinking. Most of the leftover snow had melted yesterday. She knew what he was going to say before the words came tumbling out of his mouth. He wanted to go home.
“I need to think about it,” he said. “I need to think about it back in Boson. Away from here. I need a dose of reality before committing to anything.”
Away from her was what he meant. He didn't want her influencing his decision in any way. Would he let her down like his brother had? Even if he wasn't planning to dump her, he could decide to stay in Boston. Once he was back in his own apartment and at his old job, he could realize he didn't love her. He might decide to stay in Boston permanently.
She didn't think she could handle that, but she faked a smile. “Sounds good.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Beth practically held her breath the next day. All day. She expected Jared to announce he was leaving at any second. Or maybe he would just go without saying goodbye. She didn't know which would make her feel worse.
