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And just like that, she was wishing she hadn't started this particular conversation in a public place. She picked her words carefully. “They both talked about her with respect and admiration. Big Jim said she'd been the light of his life, the only woman he had ever or would ever love.”
“He used the word love?” Jared's mouth flattened into a grim line. “I can't imagine him saying something like that. He made a point of being macho and never talked about his feelings. I didn't think he believed in love.”
Beth reached over and placed a hand on his. “I wish you could have heard your father talk about your mother. There was such tenderness in his voice.”
“Tenderness?” Jared shook his head, and his eyes appeared suspiciously damp. “Are we talking about the same man? When I was seven, I made the mistake of crying over my dead dog in front of him. Do you know what my father did? He told me not to be a baby, said I should grow up and act like a man.”
“I'm sorry Big Jim treated you like that, but I know what I heard. Maybe his father raised him to bury his feelings and act macho.”
Jared shrugged. “Guess that's possible. My grandfather died shortly after I was born, so I don't remember anything about him.”
“Well, all I know is your father spoke about your mother to my father in glowing, almost poetic terms. He talked about her beauty, her kindness, and her compassion. There is no doubt in my mind that he loved her more than his own life.”
Jared scoffed.
She added, “He bought the chopper and had us all learn to fly it so the tragedy of what happened to your mother wouldn't be repeated. I could tell he felt guilty over her accident. He even said it wouldn't have happened if he had bought a chopper while she was still alive.”
They sat in silence again. She felt the burden was on her to apologize after accusing him of paying Trish. Turning in her chair to face him, she searched for the best way to put it out there. Unfortunately, he didn't give her enough time.
“This isn't working,” he said with a heavy sigh tacked on to the end. “Guess nobody can do the long-distance thing.”
The bottom dropped out of her world, and tears filled her eyes. She blinked rapidly to clear them before they could fully develop. “Don't say that. We can make it work. I'm sorry I didn't come to Boston when I was supposed to, okay? I promise in the future I will leave the work to somebody else. I won't miss another single visit.”
He shook his head. “You not visiting me when it was your turn was just part of the problem. We can't make marriage work when you live here and I live there.”
A tear slid down her cheek; he brushed it away with his thumb. “I am still willing to...” A sob broke her sentence. “To try to live in Boston.”
“Honey, you couldn't even make yourself get on my jet to visit me for a weekend. There is no way you would live there. I'd be at work all the time, and you would go crazy worrying about your horses. I'm sor—”
“Don't be sorry. Just help me find a way to make this work, to save our marriage. We belong together, Jared, even if you can't see it right now.”
He wrapped his arms around her, but he didn't offer a solution to their problem. It was obvious to her that he was saying goodbye without saying the actual words. He had truly given up on them, and there wasn't anything she could do. It took two people to save a marriage. She couldn't do it alone.
She couldn't save their marriage if he didn't want it saved.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Beth wasn't surprised when Jared packed his bag the next morning and announced he was leaving. He had witnessed his worst nightmare seeing Delta on the floor so close to death. Beth knew he would want to return to Boston and never darken their doorway again. But she kept hoping he would change his mind. Although she wasn't ready to use the 'L' word, she knew how she felt deep down. If he felt the same, they might have a chance.
Over the next two weeks, she fell into a routine, working from early morning until late at night. She wanted to be bone tired when her head hit the pillow. It was the only way to keep from dreaming about Jared. By the time she dragged herself home each night, every muscle she owned ached. A warm shower and bed followed.
At least Simon wasn't around anymore. After Delta's medical emergency, he miraculously transformed into a better person. He apologized to her for lying and trying to break her marriage up. Then he checked himself into rehab. Apparently, Simon had been abusing drugs along with the gambling. He was getting help for both, and she hoped it worked out for him.
She stepped into the house and froze. Jared’s suitcase was in the entryway. The sight of it put her heart in her throat. She was both excited and filled with dread. Had he returned home to tell her he wanted to try again?
She steeled her spine and heart against the fact she might have lost him forever. If he wanted a divorce, she wasn't going to beg him to stay. She had more pride and self-respect than that. In fact, she promised herself that she wouldn't shed a single tear, at least not until he was long gone. He would never know that he'd ripped her heart out. Again.
Where was he?
She went to the den and found an official-looking packet in a manila envelope stamped with the name of his legal team: Griffin, Hyde, and Pierce. They had drawn up divorce papers for Jared. She had known it was a possibility, but it still broke her to see them. Jared wanted a divorce. Her heart sank, and her legs turned to rubber. She had to sit down. Good thing Big Jim's chair was unoccupied. Instead of sitting, she fell back into the chair.
With shaking hands, she pulled the papers out and stared at them in total disbelief. Jared had signed them already. They stated Irreconcilable Differences for the reason behind the divorce. As part of the divorce agreement, he was giving her the ranch.
She blinked back the tears. Through her watery vision, she caught sight of something else on Big Jim's desk. There was an envelope with her name scrawled across the top, and it was propped up by the desk lamp. Jared had written her a note.
She unsealed the envelope to find a beautifully handwritten letter. Hope began to grow as she read the first line: To my amazing wife.
That didn't sound like someone who wanted a divorce. Confused, yet hopeful, she read on. Her eyes traveled faster than her brain, and she had to back up a few times. When she finished the letter, she read it again.
