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13
Only the Sea
Bellamy
As the sun rose, I watched Katrina as she spent herself controlling the current. She’d been there all night, and wouldn’t hear a word I had to say when I came to suggest that she should take a break. She didn’t need or want my help steering, so I just sat there, lost in the sunrise as I thought of the last time I’d sailed this route. My father sent me to meet one of his “associates” in Puerto Rico, a powerful woman with a string of brothels across the island who’d made her fortune from the ground up as a mere pick-pocketing prostitute with a vendetta, and of course, a desire to live forever. I was always the middle man, negotiating with my hellish charm and making promises on my father’s name. But dear old Dad had a thing about making the deliveries personally, so I usually had to abandon my own ship for a time to accompany him and be the face of his deals. I thought I enjoyed it. But then again, I don’t think I realized I had any other choice.
As I stewed over the way my father controlled every aspect of my life back then, I thought how pissed it made me that Bastian was now doing the same. I refused to let him have the advantage. If he wanted to whisper sweet nothing bullshit in my ear all day and thought I’d listen, he was wrong. I’d resist him even if it killed me.
Noah’s frazzled voice caught my attention from behind. I glanced over my shoulder to see him pacing the deck, phone pressed to his ear.
“You don’t have any reason to be concerned about me. I didn’t do anything, but even if I did, I can’t believe you think you can just ignore me all these years and then suddenly act concerned over something that has nothing to do with you.”
I couldn’t curb my curiosity, so I went on eavesdropping as Noah argued with someone I couldn’t identify. He finally hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket, taking notice of me watching. I didn’t try to pretend otherwise.
“What’s all this?” I asked, going over to where he stood with an irritated expression.
“It’s none of your business, really,” Noah snapped.
“You know you’re right. I’ve got enough shit of my own to slog through right now.” I walked away, tossing my hands up in a mocking gesture. I really didn’t care about Noah’s problems, but I was nosy as hell.
“It’s my grandpa,” Noah grumbled, earning a second look from me. I almost wished I hadn’t asked. He went on without further prompting.
“He thinks I helped someone steal my uncle’s boat—the one Milo took. Which, I guess I did. But my uncle outing my ass to my grandpa is just a whole new level. And now he keeps trying to call me, saying he’s worried about me. I don’t know. He’s just never really been part of my life. Now out of the blue last year he starts trying to call me and talk. But man, when my parents split when I was younger, I needed someone, anyone. He was never there for me. So I don’t understand who he thinks he is trying to waltz into my life and act like he gives a damn all of a sudden.”
I don’t know what I’d expected him to say but it sure as hell wasn’t all that. And it sounded like a hell of a lot more than I felt like getting involved with.
“Sorry, mate, that sounds rough.” I intended to walk away on that, but Noah trapped me with his next question.
“Yeah, it’s just…sometimes I do wonder if maybe I’m being too hard on him. My dad told me he was never quite right in the head after his youngest daughter died. Said he’d spew all kinds of crap about her being kidnapped by pirates and…” Noah’s voice shriveled away at the mention of pirates, his speech slowing with each word. He turned to look at me, eyes wide. “Oh my god. Maybe he wasn’t crazy.”
I had an inkling of suspicion that I didn’t like, but the more he spoke, the more it made sense. “What’s your grandpa’s name?”
“Russell Loveday, why?”
“I can assure you, he definitely wasn’t crazy.” I pressed my tongue into my cheek as I squinted from the morning sun. What were the chances Noah was the grandson of the old man who hated my guts?
Noah’s eyes narrowed at me, his voice hardening. “Did you have something to do with my aunt’s death?”
How could I answer that truthfully? Of course I didn’t kill Serena. But it was my fault she died. I could never deny that. My conscience ached at the truth, but I couldn’t put the truth into words.
“No, but my father did.” I finally said, hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions. “She was diving. He thought she was a mermaid. I tried to tell him.”
“Damn.” Noah groaned.
“Yeah.” It hurt to think of her now. I almost even felt bad for the old geyser being so bitter all these years and his family thinking he’d lost his mind. It was a shame he’d let it ruin the rest of his life. But I guess I was no different. “Maybe you could cut him some slack. Losing someone is…difficult to say the least. Does things to the brain; makes you do strange things. Sounds like pushing you and everyone else away was the old man’s way of handling it. But he learned the truth last year thanks to Katrina. Maybe that’s why he’s finally coming out of his shell to you. Grief is an ugly thing.”
Noah was silent. “You ever lost someone like that? Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”
I stared out to the horizon for a minute. There was no way I’d let Noah know about Serena. Only the sea knew my secrets. And that’s how I planned to keep it. “No. I’ve just been around a while.”
“Hm,” Noah huffed, looking away and down at the water.
I glanced back over at Katrina, who was still working her magic on the water at the back of the boat. “Katrina’s mom pretty much did the same to her. Turns out she had a decent excuse, but it doesn’t change what she did. I don’t think Katrina regrets giving her another chance, though.” I paused as Noah gave me a skeptical look. “My father used to tie me to the masts with no food or water for two days if I left a knot too loose. In his own mind, that was his way of teaching me to do better. And then I found out he bartered his soul to try to save mine, even though he was the one that got me cursed in the first place. It took me a while to realize the bastard didn’t deserve my loyalty. Point is mate, people try to love us as best they know how. It’s up to us to decide if that’s enough for us or not.”
When Noah didn’t say anything, I decided I’d spent long enough talking in circles. What did I care about his situation anyway? For all I knew Russell was an asshole who deserved it. Maybe Noah was, too. I couldn’t afford to invest myself in anyone else. It wasn’t worth the risk of seeing them suffer and actually caring.
I looked back once more to see Noah fiddling with his phone, staring at his screen. I hoped, for his own sake, he’d figure himself out sooner or later. But for now, he’d just better not let his personal problems jeopardize the bigger plan at play here. I was tired of finding myself mixed up in family dramas. But I thought I’d throw out one last piece of advice. “Maybe quit wasting the ship’s Wi-Fi on these calls and figure it out later!”
