AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She rolled her eyes with a scoff. “All that time and you still managed to hold on to that cheesiness.”
“I think you mean charm.” I flashed her a playful grin as she shoved against my chest lightly, but left her hand there as her face softened and her gaze turned deep. She slid her hand down my chest, her eyes following her movement.
“I wanted to ask you...What happened after…” her voice trailed away slowly. “…after you sent us back here? What happened to you in those two years?”
My thoughts flashed back to the day I sent Katrina to the present using the Trident. I’d tried so hard to forget the hours that lingered after I killed that captain and commandeered his ship. I hardly slept for three days, and when I finally did, I lied down still covered in the blood of my enemies, drunk on liquor to numb myself to my new reality. It took months for me to come back to my senses. But in the meantime, I was merciless.
“I…I’m ashamed to admit that I turned into the very kind of man I never wanted to be. I was so angry.” I turned my face away because I couldn’t bear to meet her eye. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
“Whatever you did, you can’t hold onto.” She touched my jaw, stroking my beard with her thumb as she turned my head back to her. “Just like your time in Valdez’ crew. It’s in the past. You did what you had to do to survive.”
“This time it was different, Katrina. On Valdez’s ship I had no choice. But on my own, I had every choice. To take lives or spare them. And I rarely chose the latter. Because if I did, I’d have been found weak on the seas. I spent weeks hunting down Bastian’s fleets in search of the map to the Fountain. Until I finally squeezed out some information from one of his cowards of a captain who told me where I could find him. I tore down anyone who got in my way and sunk more ships than I could count. I set the seas on fire looking for a way back to you.”
“You have to forgive yourself.”
“Forgive? That’s the thing that scares me. I don’t regret any of it. I’d do it all again for you. But now I fear I don’t deserve you.”
“Funny you say that.” She took my hands, her breath shaky. “I didn’t just want to ask you what happened back there. I...I need to tell you something.”
I was confused, but I urged her to continue with a look.
“When I guided you to me through the Fountain…when I sang to you…it wasn’t fully me.” She took a deep breath. “I started the song, but then my siren took over, and she was luring you. It worked to guide you out, but the song you heard was a death trap. If I hadn’t regained control at the last second, she would’ve…I would’ve killed you. And that terrified me, but I didn’t want to let anyone know. Not even you. Because I’d worked all this time to find you, to save you, only to realize I’m the real danger to you. And I don’t know what to do about it.”
I was quiet for a moment as I chose my words carefully. If she only knew how I’d dreaded this day. From what I’d seen of sirens, I knew even Katrina would eventually succumb to hers. They were powerful creatures, and while Katrina could somewhat control that side of her for now, I feared one day that may no longer be the case. “I’ve already known this would happen eventually. I just didn’t know when. I would be well deserving of a death at the hands of a siren. I certainly played my part in their demise, willingly or not. And if that siren is you…well, then…there’s no greater end I could imagine.”
Katrina blinked hard. “No, no. Don’t even say that. Do you honestly think I could live with myself if I were to do something to you?”
“Katrina,” I sighed. “I wish you could understand how truly despicable I am. While we’re being honest, I want you to know that I want you now more than ever. But I’m so afraid I’ll ruin you.” I couldn’t believe I was admitting this out loud to her. But she had to know what was eating me alive every moment.
She shook her head, sending loose waves of hair dancing around her shoulders. “You ruin me? You’re not the one with an evil voice in your head. You’re not the one who might snap one day and kill me and not even remember it! I can’t love you without hurting you. And the more I think about that…” she paused with a heavy sigh, “…the more I wonder what kind of future we can even have.”
“The only future I want.” I grabbed both of her hands in mine almost as though they might drift away if I didn’t do it fast enough.
She swallowed with her head hung low. “The dreams you once told me about. Moving away from all this. Having a normal life and settling down…You can’t have that with me.”
“Of course I can, and even if I couldn’t, those dreams don’t matter anymore. You’re my only dream now.”
Katrina looked off to the side for a moment, those brown eyes swimming in a sea of thoughts before finding my desperate gaze again. “Do you know what these past few days have made me realize? It’s made me realize there’s no escape. And there never will be.”
“No, you don’t mean that,” I pleaded. Maybe this was what I deserved, but it still felt like a gutting with an iron-hot blade.
Katrina looked up, as if wishing she could say something to make this conversation dissolve, starting and stopping again as she warred with her words. “When I look at my mom, and realize she’s just as trapped by the siren blood in our veins as I am, I realize it’s never going away. Never. If it wasn’t the nightmares destroying our lives, it’s this. It’ll just keep passing down like it always has. I can’t do that to a family of my own. I didn’t break my curse. I just traded it out for a different one. So if I can’t end the curse, I have to end the family. Which means I can’t have one with you. I can’t be your dream, because I’m a nightmare. There is no happy ending for us.”
“What are you saying, then?” I squeezed her hands, the tension in my body like a tightrope. I knew I couldn’t protect her from herself. But I would gladly die trying.
“I don’t know, Milo. I don’t know.” She dropped her head against my shoulder, leaving it there as we stood in a silent embrace for minutes. Until she finally shattered the silence.
“You once told me you did terrible things. I never thought I’d be the one saying it to you.”
I huffed out a breath. “We can be each other’s sun.”
“What?” Katrina pulled away gently.
“It’s a legend. As long as the moon has the sun, it’ll never be overtaken by the darkness. I’ll be your sun, Katrina, even if that means I burn.” I lifted her chin to meet my eyes.
She stared at me, her eyes flickering back and forth between mine. She reached up slowly and touched my scarred eye, then with her other hand, guided mine to the scar along the side of her face. She held us that way for a long time, neither of us saying a word. I thought I understood. I hoped I did.
“And tonight?” She whispered. “Maybe tomorrow it’ll all make sense. Or maybe it won’t, and it’ll be worse and we’ll realize I was right. But for tonight, let’s imagine I’m wrong. If we’re gonna burn, let’s burn together.”
