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I heard the rum bottle drop from Bellamy’s hand and roll away along the deck. He drew his body toward me as I finished the last line of the song.
He tilted his head and pushed his mouth onto me. I didn’t stop him. I drank his lips with mine and tasted him like he was the fresh water I’d been thirsting for all day on this ship. The rum on his breath mingled with my own, and I searched deeper for the taste of it on his tongue. I let him pull me closer. My hand along his thigh continued roaming his body, until he reached down and grabbed it with his hand, guiding it where he wanted it. He groaned and I felt it in my throat, sending a shiver through my spine that I wanted more of.
I opened my eyes and looked up to see the brightest star overhead. The North Star. And in that instant, it was as if I snapped out of a dream I never wanted to be in. Bellamy had just finished a bottle of rum, yet I was the one who felt drunk. The starlit sky above spun as I took notice of Bellamy’s lips against mine and my hands beneath his tunic. It was the moment some clarity finally found its way to me. There was no doubt I’d always felt something for Bellamy. But this was something I would never do. So why was I doing it?
Bellamy wasn’t the one who survived the curse breaking, because Bellamy didn’t have my heart. Milo did. I gave my heart to Milo. So, what the hell was I doing right now? This wasn’t me. This wasn’t Katrina. But as I fought against the voice in my head, I finally found her.
I pulled away quickly, and I slapped my hands over my lips. “I’m sorry,” I stuttered. “I don’t know what I was doing.”
Bellamy seemed entranced. He reached for my face and placed a gentle palm against my cheek. “That one wasn’t for show, love.” He uttered with an intoxicated looking grin.
“I know, and I’m sorry!” I snapped, keeping my voice low.
Bellamy cocked his head, still locking his eyes with mine. “You know, it’s the strangest thing. You have the most beautiful blue eyes. As blue as the sea. I bet that’s why I told you everything. Because you look like the sea.”
I felt my heart drop. My eyes weren’t blue. Whatever was happening to me was clearly not something I wanted. But I didn’t know how to stop it.
“But wait, aye. Now they’re becoming brown again.” Bellamy straightened, his voice rising and becoming clearer and more controlled. “You’re—you’re one of them?”
“One of what, Bellamy? Tell me what you know.” I demanded. This time it was all me who spoke, full of desperation.
“You’re whatever the woman that appears on my father’s ship is…her eyes are blue like that. Always. But they turn the deepest blue. And he becomes her puppet. You’re controlling me?”
“No,” I said, “I mean, not on purpose. I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
“That’s why you jumped in the water that night, isn’t it?” Bellamy stood up, eyeing me like I was some kind of alien. “You’re a siren. You’re real?”
“No. I mean, yes. I mean, I don’t know.” My words came in frantic gasps.
“That means I wasn’t crazy. I know what I saw on my father’s ship.” Bellamy turned his back to me, taking a few steps away to the starboard side of the ship.
“What are you talking about?” I uttered desperately, following him. He ignored me. “Please!” I reached for his arm.
“Why?” He yanked it away. “You’ll just manipulate it out of me anyway? Go ahead, turn me into your puppet again and put me under your spell.”
“Bellamy, I promise I wasn’t trying to—”
“No,” he uttered. “Leave me alone.” With his jaw tense and his forehead pressed, he gently shoved me away as he walked back down the steps toward his quarters. Once he was out of sight, I listened quietly for the sound of his cabin door slamming. With a burning in my chest, I looked up to the stars that had just watched it all. And I’d never felt more alone and lost.
23
Message In a Bottle
Katrina
Isat there wondering how I was ever supposed to earn back Bellamy’s trust. And I wondered if I really even needed it. But some part of me at least had to know he didn’t hate me.
Tomorrow we’d be making port at Nassau, and I hoped more than anything that somehow, I’d find Milo there. But how would I look at him after how I’d just kissed Bellamy? Even if most of it wasn’t me…some part of it was. My siren side was stronger than I realized. But it didn’t have desires of its own. It just made me act on the dark ones I already had. And that’s what I hated the most. It made me bold, mean, and selfish. And it knew how to overpower me.
I went to find McKenzie. She and Noah slept somewhere belowdecks, but I didn’t know exactly where. Stepping down into the depths of the dark ship, I looked for them, holding a lantern I’d taken from up top to see by. I passed rows of hammocks and sleeping barracks, until a hand motioning for me caught my attention. It was McKenzie lying on the floor on a pile of blankets. Noah was propped up with his back against the wall, his head hanging to the side as he slept.
“Care if I join?” I whispered.
“What were you doing?” McKenzie asked. “Getting another night of special treatment from Bellamy?” I could almost taste the sourness in her words. I sat down beside her, careful not to ruffle the blankets and disturb anyone sleeping nearby.
“No,” I hissed. “I was trying to talk to him. But it didn’t go as planned.”
McKenzie shook her head. “So can Bellamy help us or not?”
