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We all nodded, too ravenous to worry about it right then. McKenzie gave him a quick thumbs up and continued slurping her stew. I ate, too, but something heavy was still clouding my mind. I feared at any moment I could lose myself again to the other version of me that constantly lurked in wait. It was just a matter of when something happened that gave me a reason to be selfish.
“Something else,” Milo added, and I perked up to listen. “As we’ve all noticed by now, Katrina is dealing with something that makes her…well, not herself.” McKenzie and Noah nodded, pressing him to go on. “Back on Valdez’s ship, when we would capture mermaids, I noticed the longer they were out of the water, out of their siren form, the more vicious they became. Eventually Valdez contained them in special tanks of seawater to keep them more…agreeable.” All eyes at the table flew to me. I wanted to crawl away and hide.
“So, you’re saying Katrina needs to go full mermaid to snap out of it?” McKenzie asked, tearing into a piece of bread.
“I’m saying I think it would make sense based on what I know about mermaids.” Milo placed his hands on the table and looked at me.
I wondered if that’s what made Cordelia so ruthless. She physically couldn’t return to her mermaid form, and she’d been forced to be on land for centuries. So maybe that’s why her heart had grown dark beyond repair. When I finally found the courage to speak up, I put my spoon down and addressed him.
“I tried to do it when I jumped overboard on Bellamy’s ship. I wanted to look for you. I was ready to do anything to find you. But I also had the strangest feeling…like a need…a pull to just…dive in. I wanted to be in the water, and I couldn’t ignore it. But I didn’t change.”
Milo looked at me as if I’d just given him a riddle. But he finally placed his elbows on the table and spoke. “There’s a place I know of that might be a good place to try again. It’s too small a body of water for ships, so it’s quite useless to most here. It should be safe.”
All at once, I felt three pairs of eyes on me, waiting for my next words. Was I supposed to just agree to go practice turning into a mermaid in front of them like it was completely normal? I suppose for us, it was probably the most normal thing about these past few days. With hesitation, and maybe even a bit of fear, I nodded once. “Okay,” I breathed, closing my eyes. “I’ll try. But only because I have to beat this thing.”
“Then I’ll take you there as soon as you’re ready,” Milo said.
Cordelia’s taunting voice rang out in my head, reminding me how little time may be left back in our time—if she hadn’t already destroyed humanity by now. “Let’s go, now,” I said. “I’m ready.”
With hazel-green eyes that held me captive, he studied my face before taking my hand. An old, but familiar sense of comfort engulfed me—one that reminded me of the way I felt when he took me to the lighthouse that night of the gala when I hadn’t expected him to come for me. And somehow everything felt okay for a moment, even with the weight of the world on our shoulders.
“It’s a bit of a walk. We’ll need to be careful,” he said, his voice strong but gentle as he glanced at McKenzie and Noah.
“I think we’re gonna sit this one out. If it’s good with you, we’ll stay here and get some rest,” Noah gestured with a flick of his head.
“Yeah, I’m sure Katrina would appreciate some privacy. I know I wouldn’t want an audience if I was trying to turn into a mermaid.” McKenzie ended her sentence with a small giggle I could tell she’d tried to suppress. It made me smile.
“Then let’s get going.” Milo looked at me, squeezing my hand. “It may be after sundown by the time we get there.”
“Whatever it takes,” I uttered, following him as he turned toward the door. We told our friends goodbye and left the tavern, wandering into the night.
The night was even more chaotic than the daytime. Every tavern was glowing, and the laughter of drunk men and music could be heard from every corner. People lay slumped over in doorways and on benches, and couples indulged themselves out in the open in drunken moans of pleasure.
“Quite the show, isn’t it?” Milo smirked at me as I looked up at him through my lashes.
“It’s something,” I scoffed playfully. “I can’t believe you grew up here. And yet, you’re such a gentleman.”
“Only when I need to be.” He tilted his head, and something familiar washed over me. It felt like walking with him for the very first time along the beach in the state park of Constantine. It was as if, for only a moment, all the burdens between us no longer existed. It was just he and I, walking into something new and terrifying ahead, just like the first time.
But then she showed up in my head again…
“A gentleman has no place on a pirate crew, though,” I scoffed.
“You’re probably right there. It was quite the dilemma,” he shrugged, quickening his step.
“Right,” I chimed. “I’m sure you’ve done some really shitty things, haven’t you? Worse than anything you’ve ever told me.”
“Katrina, where is this coming from?”
“What do you mean?” I raised an eyebrow. “I mean you just killed a man in front of me. I just want to know who the man I’m with really is? Your father hid all those things away from you and your mother. How do I know you aren’t hiding things from me? Just like the letter?”
Why would you bring that up? We’re past that.
“Katrina,” he stopped walking before he’d finished saying my name and turned to touch my shoulder. “Listen to what you’re saying. This isn’t you.”
“It is me.” My tone turned cold. “But is this you? How do I know? How will I ever really know? You’re probably just like your father.”
I was jolted from my dark state of mind when Milo gripped my shoulders so tightly, I nearly winced. He pulled me to the nearest wall as the sounds of glasses breaking and muffled music filled the background silence.
