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“Tell me, please. If you feel it—”
“I feel it all the damn time, Georgina,” he bites down at me, hand clutching my hip. His fingertips claw into my flesh as though he’s trying to get beneath my skin. “Non-fucking-stop!”
“Then let it out!” I snap right back. “Put it on me because I want it all. Everything!”
“Why do you need me to say it?” Taking a step back, he holds me in place so that I can’t stalk him the way he’s stalked me so many times. “Isn’t showing you better?”
I let him go even though it kills me to do so. “You’re a man of your word, aren’t you, Freddie?”
He doesn’t make a promise he can’t keep. It’s one of the things I admire most about him. If I wasn’t certain that there is something worth pressing him for here, I wouldn’t keep pushing. However, I’ve seen every side to this man, and there isn’t a single one that has made me feel as agonised as when I walked away from him.
“Admit it to me and yourself. Admit that you want this as much as I do. That I fuck you up as hard as you do me. Give it to me. Give me your word.”
“Swan…” He blows out a breath, and I keep waiting for more. I keep telling myself that it’s coming. He came here for a reason other than to bring me Chips.
“Precious thing,” he rumbles, shaking his head as though I’m the one torturing him.
When all he does is stand, staring at me, I pick up Chips and take a step back. It doesn’t put him at ease, and for a moment I think that he’s going to stalk back to me. He doesn’t though.
“Why do you keep chasing me? If you can’t tell me how you feel, what’s the point in all this?”
I have given him time. I have given him space. I have played every goddamn trick in the book. There comes a point where I have to stop fetching the balls and leave them in his court. This is all on him now. It’s his chance to grab or let go, and I’m not going to wait around for him to disappoint me again.
“Stop reeling me in and then throwing me to the wind. Until you can talk as good as you play…stay away from me. Until you can pick me… “
“There isn’t a fucking choice,” he utters without any preamble to warn me of his statement.
Freddie takes one long stride to me, eyes flitting to the side where Casper is standing by the open passenger door of his car. Lightly grasping my chin between his thumb and forefinger, he nods with a furrow of his brow that shadows his midnight jewel eyes. “There’s never been a choice, Georgina.”
As always, he never fails to steal my breath. So beautiful with his ruddy cherubic features that soften the sharpness of his serious expression and the harshness of his steely gaze. It doesn’t matter what situation he finds himself in, his backbone never bows. Every part of him is strong, and yet, he is so breakable that all I want to do is reach out and pull him to me. I want to hold him and smother him with all the love that burns for him inside me.
Before I renege on every word I’ve said, I push back. “It’s a pity that you didn’t realise that sooner. As it is…after…everything, it’s too little too late.”
It takes me a couple of seconds too long to turn on my heels and walk away, holding on to the cat carrier with both hands, as though I’m holding on for dear life. Every crunch of the soles of my feet as I walk across the patch of gravel to the car punctuates the pained percussion of my heart.
Even with the smothering ache, it would be too easy for him to watch me leave him the way he left me. Tightly, his hand clutches around the crook of my elbow and tugs me back so that I spin to face him again.
“Don’t walk away.”
“Isn’t that what you did? You left me when I needed you.” At least there’s recognition in the purse of his lips, enough that his grip on me relaxes a tad so that I manage to wrench free. “You walked away first.”
Leaving him behind me right now isn’t any easier than at the hospital, but there’s an odd sense of victory in knowing that I have held my ground. I’m still standing, and in spite of my own doubts, I am stronger than I thought.
With every second that passes, my stomach twists, making me feel sick in every possible way as I slot Chips between the passenger seat and back bench before I get in the car and let Casper take me away.
Lovesick. Homesick. Physically sick. Soul sick. Heartsick. All kinds of fucking sick, apart from sick of him. Me being the idiot that I am, I’m still stupidly, desperately in need of him. More than I have ever been.
We haven’t reached the end of my road when my phone pings loudly from my bag. I’ve barely managed to pull the tote onto my lap from where it’s stashed in the footwell when it goes off again.
After riffling through the mess of dance apparel inside, I hold it in front of me so that the facial recognition shows me the messages without letting him know I’ve read them.
Freddie: You want words?
Taking a deep breath, I sink back into my seat, glancing at the rear-view mirror to find Cooper’s car following behind.
Freddie: You want a promise?
I’m still staring at my phone when another message comes through.
