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I shrugged. I didn’t really know, nor did I actually care all that much. I was just enjoying seeing Jessie panic.
“So you’re finally going to get stuck paying for a trip?” I teased.
She threw a pillow at me. “You would love that, wouldn’t you?” she asked.
We both started laughing.
It was moments like these when it was hard to hate her. At times, our friendship was good, but the best parts of our friendship, I’d come to realize, were when Jessie was at her most vulnerable: alone with me and with nobody around to impress.
She looked at me with a rare kindness to her expression and asked, “Have you heard from Matteo at all?”
I shook my head. “Only when I’ve seen him upstairs at dinner and stuff,” I answered. “Even then, I’m lucky if he even just says hi.”
“His loss,” Jessie said, reaching over and patting my knee as she sat up. “Sorry to cut you short, but I have a massage scheduled. I need to get going. You should get out of here. Get some fresh air today.”
“I will,” I promised.
“Kisses!” she squealed, blowing me a kiss from the door.
I blew one back to her. “Kisses,” I said.
The door shut behind her, and I was alone again. I looked at the TV, sighed, and reached for the remote. I turned the TV off and looked around the cabin with a sigh.
The ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign had hung on my door for a few days. My garbage needed to be taken out, my towels needed to be replaced, and I needed to breathe fresh air. I bagged the trash and piled the dirty towels by the door for housekeeping, then stretched.
I thought about all there was to do on the boat and decided that, if nothing else, I could at least stand to check out the gym. I changed into my favorite pair of leggings and a tank top, slipped on my tennis shoes, and made my way to the exercise area.
Thankfully, it was empty except for me. I jumped on the treadmill for a run. As I ran, all the frustration in my life bubbled up in me, and I ran harder. I turned the treadmill speed up, allowing myself to put the full force of my energy into my stride. Before I knew it, I’d broken a sweat.
I thought about my days on the high school track team and how rewarding it always felt to finish a long run. Then, I thought about how I had stopped running after my mother had pushed me into modeling. My daily jogs through the neighborhood had become a magnet for paparazzi. Those interactions gave way to the first of my series of panic attacks.
When my father paid $10,000 to buy photos of me screaming and crying in the street off of a photographer, I knew the jogs had to be put on hold. I couldn’t allow myself to be placed in that situation again—the next one might not be as willing to cooperate with my father’s request to keep me and my crippling anxiety out of the limelight.
We’d bought a treadmill for home, but it hadn’t been the same. Mostly, I had struggled to get used to indoor jogs because my mother would never leave me alone long enough to get a full run in.
Exhausted, I turned off the treadmill and let myself slide off the back. I stretched and breathed a deep breath, then noticed the door to the sauna.
It had been a long time since I had just let myself lay still and relax in a steam room, and what better time than after a good run?
I opened the door and stopped in my tracks when I noticed one of the servers lying on the bench—in a barely-there, string bikini.
Chapter 12
“Oh, I’m sorry!” I said, starting to back my way back through the door. “I didn’t mean to barge in. Do we have to sign up for certain times?”
“No!” Abby said, “There’s no time slots. The only rule is no more than three in the room at a time. If you’d like it to yourself, though, I can leave! We are supposed to not come in here unless there are no guests around. The gym area was empty when I got here!”
She sat up, scrambling to wrap her towel around her in a panic, as if she thought she might get in trouble for invading my space—even though it was clearly me who had invaded hers.
“You don’t have to leave!” I said. “I really don’t mind sharing the space if you’re okay with that. Otherwise, I am happy to come back later.”
She looked shocked at my response, then allowed her face to lift into a bright, warm smile. “I’m happy to share, too!” she said, laying back down on the bench. “It’s so nice to get a break in here and relax. I really appreciate you being so kind.”
“Of course!” I said. “I would never dream of making you give up your time. I know how important it is to get alone time. I am sort of a loner, myself.”
Abby nodded. “I haven’t seen you around much,” she said. “I’ve been seeing a lot of your friends, though. You hang with a lively bunch.”
There was a certain emphasis on the ‘lively’ that I couldn’t help but ignore. There was an undertone to the statement—and she obviously meant Jessie. It suddenly made sense why she was so terrified I would be rude or try to get her in trouble when I first came into the sauna.
