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The dining room table is laden with my favorite foods and bottles of my favorite wine. The living room is set up with a massive pile of pillows and blankets that I want to dive into, along with an assortment of snacks.
There, in the middle of it all, is Bex.
“Wow,” I breathe out, tears welling in my eyes from the storm that’s erupted in my chest. “You did all of this for me?”
Eagerly, she strides over and takes me by the hand, leading me over to the dining room table. “So. I made all of your favorites for dinner so you don’t have to choose, then I thought we could cuddle up and watch one of your favorites.”
“Even . . . ?” I side-eye her.
“Yes. Even that one,” she says incredulously.
“Okay. So, you’ve clearly done all of this for a reason.” I draw her to a stop in the middle of the space. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Can we talk while we eat?” she asks.
Alvie puts his hand on my lower back and guides me into my normal chair before he starts filling my plate with bites of every dish on the table.
“Double of the pasta, please,” I chime in, making him smile.
When all of our plates are loaded, Bex looks at me expectantly. I take my first bite and moan, which has Alvie shifting in his seat.
“Moan like that again and this night is not going to go according to plan.” Bex laughs.
“Sounds like fun,” I tease, but it only gets me a heated look from her that I’m not quite prepared for.
“Don’t make threats you’re not willing to follow through on.”
I put down my utensils.
“I have no problem playing with y’all, Bex. That’s never been the issue.” I take a deep breath before addressing the elephant in the room. “Our chemistry is great. It’s our relationship dynamic that is messed up.”
“I agree,” she says seriously.
“What?” I’m taken aback.
“I agree,” she repeats. “I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching. And reading a lot about polyamory, open relationships, and jealousy.”
“You’ve been reading nonfiction?”
“Why is that what you latch on to?” She giggles. “Yes. Nonfiction.”
“Okay. So you’ve been thinking about things.”
“Yes.” Bex takes a deep breath. “I didn’t realize how unfair I was being to you when we started all of this. It was a bit of fun at first, but then it became more, I think, for both of us.”
I nod along as she talks.
“Then that night at the hospital, I snapped. I’m not making excuses, but I was just so under-prepared for any kind of serious conversations with Alvie being injured. He’s my rock,” she says, looking across the table at him with love in her eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
“I understand.” My heart cracks a bit at the sight of their connection.
“No. I don’t think you do,” she continues, turning that same soft look to me. “You’re more than a fling to me, Nay. I didn’t realize it until I started learning more about it, but the few relationships I’ve had have always been short-term situations. I knew that, deep down, you’re more than a fling to me.”
After Bex’s confession, I was floating on cloud nine the whole next day.
I needed to hear her say it, that I was more to her than a momentary distraction or the latest shiny toy. The reassurance that the hope that’s lingered in my chest for months isn’t unwarranted has me struggling not to run away with the good feeling.
Everything was so dark for such a long period of time.
