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“Baby, you need to take a break,” Bex says quietly. “Or stop.”
I nod to her in acknowledgement. Bex turns to let the crowd know I’m done for the night. I begin packing away my tools, grouping them by their purpose, spraying them with a bottle of vodka water to keep them clean, and wiping them down before packing them away in their travel cubes Bex got me for my birthday. I’ll condition all the leathers and hang everything up to dry properly when we get home, but this will do for now.
The ritual is grounding and helps steady my breath, but when Bex returns and speaks, my heart rate picks up again.
“She’s only here for the weekend,” Bex says, her gaze searching for something in me that I don’t have the energy to give.
“Who?” I sigh, too tired for her vague statements.
“Naomi. She said she came down for Selene’s engagement party, then she’s heading back home.”
“You really want to pursue her, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she says simply.
I look over at my wife, entirely confident in herself and her feelings, and a bit of jealousy stirs in my chest at her sureness.
I can’t keep her from pursuing this; it wouldn’t be fair of me. I definitely can’t keep trying to protect her from potential heartbreak. I have to let her do this on her own.
This is her choice to make, not mine, but she’s looking to me for permission and I can’t keep it from her.
“Get her number and invite her to come back for another visit then,” I acquiesce.
Bex beams back at me. “Yes, Sir.”
She gives me a kiss on the cheek before running off to go find the girls again.
I watch her firm, round ass as she practically skips away before turning to finish packing everything up as the crowd breaks up.
I want to believe that this new interest of hers is going to be a good thing, but my naturally analytical mind is skeptical.
The universe is chaotic and unpredictable at times, but it follows patterns. I love BDSM and kinky play because you can try and control and account for some of the chaos. But sometimes, you have to let things run their course.
You have to let the chaos win.
Chapter 7
Bex
Ialways tell my yoga students that a large part of finding balance and inner peace is listening to our bodies and the feelings that arise in any given situation. Our intuition, or gut, knows far more than society gives them credit for, but they’re invaluable.
Living your life in accordance with your values is the most difficult decision a person can make. It takes a strong will and persistence to push back against the expectations that others and society place on us. It’s hard work to identify the core attributes that feed our souls. Even more difficult is making these decisions each and every day.
Being your authentic self is exhausting.
Then there are people who come along who feed that part of your soul. They show up in unexpected moments and just when you need them most. Maybe they’re there momentarily, maybe for a lifetime, but it’s always with a purpose that contributes to your life.
We don’t choose our journeys, but we are the only ones who decide which direction we’re headed.
Alvie has been mine since the day he rescued me, even if he didn’t realize it yet. When we first met, there was a spark between us, though I wasn’t in a place to follow my intuition about him. There were a lot of gut feelings I was ignoring in those days. But then there was a time—one I wholeheartedly believe was predestined—when the dominos fell and Alvie caught me as my world tumbled around me. He was the exact person I needed then, and he continues to be to this day.
My comfort and safety, Alvie is my rock.
He’s the heartbeat that matches mine perfectly.
Chemistry and attraction to a person are one thing, but I believe there are a few people in life that our souls are drawn to inevitably. They are the people who make us feel centered and whole.
Alvie has always been mine, my everything.
