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Meow.
“Whoa, that’s the first time you’ve ever greeted me, buddy. What’s up?” I ask Hatty as I set all of my stuff down.
He meows again, and I look at his food bowl, which is now empty.
“Eat all of your food? That’s good.” I pick the bowl up and walk over to the pantry and fill it. “I love that you told me that you needed food. Thanks, Hatty.”
As I go to set the bowl down, he purrs, and I kind of freeze up. This is the first time I’ve ever heard him purr, and it’s the cutest fucking sound I’ve ever heard.
I set the food down and take a quiet breath before trying what I have been dying to do since I got him home.
I reach out hesitantly, and he sniffs my fingers as I hold my breath. He purrs again and pushes into my hand, rubbing his super-soft head against me.
I don’t care if he’s only doing this because of the food. I will happily take it.
“I saw a video the other day of a cat scratch wall. Would you like a wall that you can run up? I can make one for you,” I tell him as if he can actually understand what I’m saying.
He meows, and I interpret that as a yes.
“All right, well, we’ll start that project soon, okay?”
He meows again, and he’s purring like a motor as he continues to brush against my hand repeatedly.
14
Charlotte
I’m dying. I think I really am.
There is no way, with what my body is feeling and going through, that the outcome can be anything but death. I’ve started accepting it at least. Thankfully, that means this pain will soon be gone forever.
Today is my last scheduled chemo session, and when I say that the hardest thing I’ve ever done is open my car door to walk inside here, I mean it. My body is at its limit. I don’t know how it’s even possible that these symptoms can get worse after today.
At this point in my mom’s treatment is when she started deteriorating. Maybe I am at that point too. If it means I don’t have to feel this anymore, then I might even welcome it.
Ella grabs my attention and yanks me from my dark thoughts.
“I made you something.” She rocks back and forth on her heels, holding something behind her back, which she reveals a second later.
“You made that for me?” I actually squeal, shocking myself a bit at the strange high-pitched noise that leaves me.
Ella is flushed and grinning as she holds up the friendship bracelet. “Yeah!”
When I stretch out my hand, she slides the bracelet onto my wrist. A perfect fit.
“I loooooove it,” I sing to her, and she giggles.
“It matches the one I made for Cocoa.” She thrusts Cocoa in my face, and I laugh.
“It sure does.” I admire the super-tiny string of beads wrapped around the plush arm of her bear.
Ella never fails to bring light to any dark situation. I am forever thankful that she introduced herself to me at my first appointment. Treatment would have been ten times more dreadful without her bubbly self.
If it wasn’t for Ella, there is a good chance I wouldn’t have been able to do this today. But I can’t let her down. I won’t.
“Princess Ella and Queen Charlotte,” the nurse, Jackie, calls out as if she were announcing our entrance to a royal ball.
With Cocoa in hand, Ella leads the way. I trail behind a few steps because I would rather cut off my hand than sit in that dreaded chair again.
