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He looks at me with the utmost frustrated confusion. Something snaps inside of him, and he storms over to me, closing the ten feet between us until we’re practically standing toe to toe.
He lifts his hands as if he’s going to grab my face, but he stops himself. “Tell me. Tell me, and I’ll leave.”
“No. You’ll leave now because I said so!” I shout, and my lip quivers.
Shit, I do not have time to cry right now! Somehow, I push the emotion back inside, and my face remains neutral.
He sighs and aggressively drags his hands down his face. “Do you not get it, Charlotte?!”
He’s panting still, somehow even harder than before. It’s been so long since we’ve been this close, but I haven’t forgotten how stunning his blue eyes are. But I sure did miss them. He smells so good. I miss falling asleep, breathing him in.
Stop.
I do my best to harden my heart and brace myself for what I’m going to have to do. “I don’t need to get anything, Reed. We’re broken up. We aren’t together anymore.”
He scoffs, and his frazzled composure doesn’t waver. “You don’t get it. That was never an option for me! When I daydreamed about us, I never considered this was a fucking possibility. That we could ever be apart! This wasn’t supposed to be the end of our story, Charlotte! I thought you used to believe that too.”
I still do.
“Well, I d-don’t anymore.” My voice cracks.
I am falling apart. He needs to leave before I fully do.
“Well, I never doubted it. You are it for me. You are the one that I chose for life, Char. That’s what you don’t see. I didn’t view you as my girlfriend, I saw you as my future wife. You were never temporary for me.” He thrusts his hands through his hair. “For God’s sake, I bought a ring! Did you know that? I spent hours researching, shopping, and designing a ring just for you. I was going to propose. I had the perfect plan. I knew exactly how I wanted to do it. And then you fucking blindsided me! You grabbed hold of every piece of our beautiful future and tore it apart in front of my eyes. So, please tell me. Tell me why I should take it easy on you, and I’ll leave. I promise.”
Don’t tell him anything.
My chest constricts as I stare at him. I can’t help but picture the first time we met. His smile was so genuine and kind. A stark contrast from the frown that I give him now. How did my plan to protect his heart go so wrong? But I guess I couldn’t have planned on him never giving up on us.
What am I supposed to do?
What if this doesn’t kill me? What if I live? Then, what will I do? Watch him go on with his life while I hate mine? This was supposed to be cut and dry. How did it end up so goddamn messy?
As hard as I want to stop this, I can’t. No matter how much I want to feel his arms wrap around me and tug me close or how badly I want to feel his lips on mine just one more time, I didn’t go this far just to give it all up.
“I knew you were going to propose, Reed.” I slam my eyes shut as the words leave my mouth of their own accord.
I can’t bear to see his reaction.
“You knew?” His voice shakes.
Opening my eyes, I force myself to look at the pain I’m causing him. Because this is the last time I am doing this. If I have to, I’ll move across the fucking country to keep my distance.
“T-that’s why I left when I did. I didn’t want to have to say no when the time came,” I admit, not completely lying.
I didn’t want to have to turn him down, but I would need to.
His shoulders are slumped, and as absolute defeat pulses through him, it is my heart that is shattering again.
“How could you stop loving me, Char? After everything? How was it so easy for you to just shut it off?” His voice is harsher, angrier, and I understand why.
He should be mad. He should hate me to my core.
Although this is the outcome I want, it doesn’t make it any less hard to feel or watch. My eyes well up with tears, and I can’t let him see that.
I need to breathe. But I can’t fucking breathe. Like, I physically cannot force any air into my lungs.
My feet are moving before I even realize it, but I know where they are taking me. The one place I always go when I get overwhelmed.
