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Shoving my balcony door open, I step outside and let the brisk air wash over me and dry my tears.
“Charlotte!” Reed calls after me and stays on my heels the entire time.
My arms are on the railing, and I’m staring into the dark, starry sky. I’m finally able to take a breath.
I thought this would make it easier, to be able to look up at my stars and see everything in a new light. It was supposed to reset me, help me find a better perspective. But it’s only making me realize that life is so fucking short—mine maybe even shorter. If I only have a little time left, I want to spend it with him.
But then how is that fair to him? How is it right to be selfish enough to tell him and be with him, but then leave him behind to pick up his own pieces?
I can’t find a happy medium. It’s not possible.
“How did you stop loving me, Charlotte? Please tell me because then maybe, somehow, I can do the same,” he pleads, and his voice cracks.
Chills run down my body, and the words are slipping between my lips before I can stop them. “I didn’t stop loving you…”
“What do you mean?” His voice is barely audible.
I might as well have shot myself in the damn foot. How am I going to cover this one up? Great job, me.
“Just because we can’t be together doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. I just don’t want to be with you anymore.” I try to talk my way out of whatever hole I just dug myself.
“That doesn’t make any sense!” he cries out. “Why can’t we be together then? Just because you say so? Even though you have no good goddamn reason? I don’t get it!” He locks his hands on top of his head, and tears pool in his eyes.
As if a bomb goes off inside of him, his sadness and confusion morph into an inferno of anger. “How did I fall in love with someone so selfish?”
Selfish?!
Something inside of me snaps.
Somehow, one tiny little word slithers its way behind every stone wall that I built and knocks them all down. I am many things right now, and I can handle everything he dishes out. But selfish?! He has no fucking idea how far from the truth he really is.
Whipping toward him, I come unglued. “You are sitting here, telling me that I don’t get it. But it’s you, Reed, who doesn’t get it!”
His eyes widen and lips part.
I don’t leave any room for him to talk. Now, it’s my turn. And now that I’ve opened this can of worms, I know I’m not going to be able to stop. It’s too late for that.
My fingers stretch onto my knitted beanie and grip it tight, and I pull it hard, ripping both the hat and my wig from my head.
His eyes soften, but I continue my rant.
“I’m not selfish! I’m the furthest thing from selfish!” I enunciate every single word because he needs to hear them loud and clear, and I step toward him. “Everything I have done is for you! Breaking us up was for you! The reason Alec told you to take it easy on me is because Laura knows the why behind everything I did for you.” My eyes pool with tears, which roll down my cheeks uncontrollably.
He reaches out and swipes the tears away on my cheek. “Charlotte…”
I step back and out of his reach. I shouldn’t have done that. Oh my God, I shouldn’t have done that.
I can’t believe I just ruined everything…
17
Reed
What is happening?
My brain is spinning, and I can’t think straight. What does she mean, she did everything for me? That doesn’t make any sense.
Her hair…oh, Char, what happened to your hair?
