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And so, I shared a meal with my sisters and joined in their polite talk, making my plan to escape all the while.
Though I swam to the surface nearly every day, it took nearly a month for me to find the one-winged vessel again. When I finally did, I was filled with a rush of victory so triumphant that I laughed, tipping my face up to the sky and whooping with delight.
Fortunately, the sun was setting and as people ran to the deck—perhaps called by my own excitement—I was able to duck down and hide in the purplish shadows cast upon the surface of the water. I had built up my strength in my weeks of searching and I could swim for days if I needed to, and I would, just for the joy of watching him.
For it was him, the one I had been searching for. I could tell the moment he was standing on the deck, from his tall shadow, the slope of his strong shoulders, the lean hardness of his jaw. It made something deep inside me tighten in ways that I didn’t—couldn’t—understand. It was a bit frightening, but I did not tear my eyes away from the scene unfolding before me.
As I watched, another man came up to the one that held me captivated.
“Good night for sailing, my prince.”
Hearing the title made me look at him even closer. And yet, I wasn’t surprised by this revelation. The way he carried himself, his very presence was royal.
“Aye.” The prince tilted his head up the sky, feeling the breeze on his face.
I mimicked his movements, telling myself that the same wind that kissed his skin caressed mine as well, feeling that much closer to him as I did.
“Shall we set for home?”
The prince gazed out across the water, and something clenched in my belly. Something hard and soft at the same time, something so incredible that I didn’t know if I longed for it or wanted it to go away.
He’s doing something to me. Just… looking at him is doing it. How is that possible? I did not know, and I did not know how to find out, and that made me feel twisted in knots and mournful for not knowing why.
“Yes,” the prince said at last, his voice thick and husky. “I suppose we shall.”
At his words, the man beside him let out a shout and there was a sudden scurry of action as the prince’s order was carried out.
I sat there, waiting and watching, until the vessel sailed out of sight.
It was like a sickness, the desire I had for the prince. It followed me everywhere. And despite the fact that I had not seen him again, the feeling inside me only grew. I remembered the color of his eyes, the curve of his mouth, and longed for the pleasure of spending more time watching him. Or, if I dared, speaking with him.
I could sing him a song. Mersong is the most beautiful music to ever exist. If I could just sing to him, he would never wish to be parted from me again.
That night I waited until all the other mermen of the palace were asleep before I made my escape, singing a little tune to myself as I made my way to the surface. It must have been in the air, for nearly as soon as I burst through the water, I heard music. It was not as wild and beautiful as mersong, but the sound was jovial and accompanied with shouts of laughter.
I swam toward it, and finding the familiar vessel, I felt a thrill shoot through me that had nothing to do with the music. The vessel was not moving and I was able to find a perch that I pulled myself up on. My fin glistened with cool, refreshing water and the air carried a good breeze, ensuring I would be able to sit there for quite some time.
And yet, along with the breeze the wind carried a whispered truth to my ears: that no matter how long I sat, it would never be enough. I’d never have enough. If I could watch for an hour, I’d want ten more. If I had ten, I’d want a day. It caused a bloom of pain in my chest so powerful that it rivaled the day my father had told me I would never be allowed to go to the surface again. It also made me leap off the vessel before I could change my mind.
Father was right. I shouldn’t be here. How did I not see that it can never end happily for me?
But I hadn’t swam too far when I heard something so loud it shook the water hard enough to make me flinch. It reminded me of the day my father had forbidden me to ever go to the sea—I’d never known anything else to cause such disquiet in my home. But this was different: A loud boom that filled the air, and suddenly, I saw gold all above me, even though I knew I had watched the sun set.
I swam back to the surface to see what had happened and gasped at the sight that met my eyes. Fire. A light that burned, as my nurse had always said. I’d only heard of it and had often wanted to know what it would be like, but this was no matter of casual curiosity. There was a great deal of fire and dark billowing clouds, but they were reaching for the sky, not in it.
And when I saw where the fire was coming from, my heart pounded hard in my chest. It was the prince’s vessel, the one I had been on moments ago. Without a thought for myself, or any acknowledgement of my helplessness, I swam. I hurtled my body through the water, jumping with the waves, desperate to get to him.
Humans can’t be near water. Humans die in water. Hurry, Ari, hurry! SWIM!
My own frantic thoughts drove me forward. My throat began to burn, though I didn’t know why. Then I began to cough, and my eyes stung. Still, I continued on.
By the time I got to the vessel, bodies were plunging into the ocean.I did not stop—I knew without looking they were not the man I was seeking. Later, I would wonder how it was possible that I could know, but in this high pitch of desperation, I did not tarry for such things.
He was on the floor, lying motionless. And the fire was creeping toward him, a slow, hungry assassin. But the water would kill him, too. What was there to do?
My body reacted much faster than my thoughts, and I pulled myself onboard even as I was fretting over how to save him. With my arms, I pulled my way across the wooden floor, dragging my heavy, useless fin behind me.
The smoke was growing thicker, and my nostrils were burning from the sensation. But the prince filled my line of sight. Keeping my gaze steady on him, I plowed forward. Suddenly, a loud noise had me turning around, and at that moment I felt a jolt of pain.
