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Max cupped my chin again with his fingers and tilted my head first one way and then the other before giving a smile that had my heart skipping a beat.
“You are pretty with the makeup, but you are far more beautiful without it,” he said, before placing the glass and handkerchief in the small sink of his wet bar.
It was my turn to be speechless as a desire I’d left behind years ago rushed through me. If only someone else thought so… if only the phantom I’d spoken of cared enough to even look at me. No! I was done with childish dreams. Pushing them aside, I considered what Max had said earlier when he’d spoken of choices. If only what he said was true, but in my world, you didn’t need to be a lady, simply a female, to know that choices were limited. Sure, I could most likely sit on a desk if I so chose, but could I fall in love with a man of my choice? No, the likelihood of that happening was the same as suddenly sprouting wings and flying away.
“Thank you,” I said softly when he turned to walk back. “I’m sorry for being a bother. You don’t need to hear my sob story. If you’ll let me use your phone to call an Uber, I’ll get out of your way.”
“You’re not in my way.”
As if he needed to prove his statement, he plucked me off the desktop and returned to the chair, positioning me once again on his lap.
“Now, where were we? Oh, right, you were telling me why you hate a man who you used to be at least a little fond of.”
“How could you know that?”
“Your eyes. You say you hate him and yet there is a longing in your eyes stating that hasn’t always been the case. Am I wrong?”
A memory of running through the tall grasses of the dunes appeared in my mind’s eye. I could practically smell the ocean as its waves pounded against the rocks of the cliff’s base. I remembered the warmth of the sunlight on my skin as I ran as hard as I could, laughing in glee when I thought I’d found the most perfect hiding place. I smiled as the sound of my startled squeal replayed when I was tugged from the rock I’d hidden behind and tossed up into the air. Despite my cry, I’d had no fear of being dropped, knowing my hero would catch me and keep me safe. I could see his smile and hear his laughter when he declared me properly found and announced I was now “it” before he put me on my feet and dashed away.
It was an unbidden vision and yet one I could not deny filled me with a sense of loss. Maybe knowing I’d once thought the boy could do nothing wrong had crept into my tone when I’d finally wised up and declared him an enemy.
“Maybe,” I allowed, “but the admiration of youth doesn’t always translate into love when we leave childhood behind. If he had cared, he wouldn’t have left me alone. He’d have stood up to my parents and made them see that I should make my own choice.”
“Of what?”
This time I didn’t hesitate to answer. “Of whom to marry.”
He didn’t respond for the longest moment, his hand stilling on my back while he considered my answer. Or, far more likely, thinking it was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. In his world, I’m sure anything as old-fashioned as arranged marriages had gone out of vogue eons ago. Then his eyes cleared as he looked down at me.
“Tell me, would you have really chosen another?”
And that was the million-dollar question wasn’t it? I’d like to state emphatically that I would have chosen anyone but him, but that would make me not only a mess, but a liar as well.
“I’d like to have been given the opportunity to make it,” I said softly.
“And tonight? What were you wishing would happen here? Perhaps you were hoping that playing with a complete stranger would purge this man you hate/love from your heart?”
“I don’t know,” I said, giving up the fight and going limp in his arms. “I mean, I’m not completely ignorant of this world. There are books and even prin… um, girls, talk, you know.”
“I’m sure they do.”
My fingers itched to trace his lips as they slowly curled into another smile. Would they be warm and soft beneath my fingers? What would the contrast between his skin and his trimmed beard feel like? Was his hair as silky as the dress I was wearing? Something unknown pulled me toward him in a way that had nothing to do with sex. Okay, maybe there was a little tug in that direction. He’d spoken of allowing a complete stranger to partner with me, but he was also a stranger and yet something about him just felt right. Safe, maybe? I couldn’t name it, but for some reason I felt content to simply remain on his lap, his arms holding me securely against his chest. Glancing down, I saw that the pristine white of his shirt had been completely ruined by my makeup.
“I’m sorry about your shirt,” I said, toying with the collar where a streak of purple gave evidence of my choice of eyeshadow. “I’ll pay to have it cleaned.”
“You don’t need to do that. It’s not the first shirt to need laundering and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”
My fingers curled tighter around the fabric as I registered his words. Before I could think it through, I huffed. “You keep talking about all the women you’ve ‘had’ in your office. Is that meant to impress me or perhaps warn me that I might need to get a blood test to makes sure I haven’t come into contact with some disease?”
I discovered I much preferred his smile to the look he gave me now. Sighing, I released my hold and attempted to pat the wrinkles from his collar. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. You don’t owe me an answer. I’m just tired and…” The sound of my stomach growling very loudly had me wishing I’d be released to find a far better hiding spot than a rock.
“Hungry?” he offered when I couldn’t find the words to apologize for yet another thing.
“A little. I was too nervous to eat before I came. I figured it would be a trifle unladylike to toss up my breakfast if the scene got to be a bit more than I’d imagined it could be.”
He set me back, those fingers capturing my chin again. “Are you telling me you haven’t eaten at all today?”
“I was planning on eating a late dinner?—”
