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“Fine. Just hold it up to the kitchen window then. I know Ms. Elvira’s handwriting—if it looks legit, I’ll leave you alone.”
I thought about telling him I didn’t have to show him anything, but I figured if he really had been watching the house after my Grandmother passed, I might owe it to him to prove that I belonged here.
“All right,” I said. “But once I show you her will, I don’t want you hanging around. You leave me alone or I really will call 911 on you!”
“Yeah, good luck with that,” he growled and then the phone banged down with a loud claanng right in my ear.
“Ouch!” I rubbed my ear and hung the phone back up on its hook. Then I looked around, hoping I hadn’t dropped the will and testament outside when I’d been running for my life.
Luckily, it was on the counter along with my cell phone and the iron key that had brought me to my Grandmother’s place in the first place. Also, I found that I still had the apple I had picked—I had shoved it into the pocket of the gray cardigan I still wore.
Almost before I could finish taking inventory, I looked through the kitchen window and saw the monster guy coming up the hill. Wherever he was staying, it must not be far from my Grandma’s house—a thought which was not at all comforting.
Taking a deep breath and gathering my courage, I picked up the will in one hand and my cell phone in the other. I didn’t seem to have very good cell service here, but the phone function still worked. I typed in 9-1-1 and waited with my thumb hovering over the send button.
Before I knew it, the monster was headed right for the kitchen window. I tried not to recoil when I saw him. He was wearing brown trousers, absolutely enormous work boots, and a tight white t-shirt that looked like it might rip off his body at any moment, like the freaking Incredible Hulk when he gets angry.
Under the normal looking clothes his skin was green—kind of a gray-green—a sage color. He had thick black hair and the tusks which had freaked me out earlier were still on display, jutting up from his bottom jaw. They curved up over his upper lip and as I looked at them, I realized what he reminded me of.
Living most of my social life (such as it is) online, I’ve done my fair share of gaming. I’m mostly into Baldur’s Gate and the Diablo franchise, but I’ve played quite a lot of World of Warcraft too. And what the monster guy coming up the hill looked like was a character from WOW—specifically, he looked like an Orc.
You have to understand that WOW Orcs aren’t like Lord of the Rings Orcs. They’re not slimy and greasy all over—they look more like a species of hugely muscular, overgrown elves—at least, they have pointed ears like elves. They’re also a lot bigger than elves—I estimated this guy was at least seven feet tall—and they’re not nearly as pretty either. Also, their green skin and curving tusks tend to show their heritage pretty clearly.
I couldn’t believe that I had been chased through the backyard by an honest-to-God Orc! I stared at him in disbelief as he came right up to the kitchen window and looked down at me, a scowl on his green face.
“Well?” he demanded, his deep voice muted only slightly by the pane of glass between us. “Let me see it.”
For a minute, I didn’t know what he was talking about. I’d gotten too caught up in the idea that a mythical figure was standing right outside my window. Then I remembered our deal—I’d show him the will and he would (hopefully) leave me alone.
“Here—read it and weep,” I snapped. And again I was surprised that the words came right out—not a single one got stuck in my throat.
I pressed my Grandma’s last will and testament against the glass. It was pretty crumpled at this point, but I hoped it was still legible.
The Orc leaned down from his great height and put his face close to the glass, which gave me a chance to study him up close. His tusks weren’t actually that huge—they were more like overgrown canines, I decided. I’d seen a lot worse playing WOW.
He wasn’t that ugly, either. He was actually kind of handsome for an Orc—not that I was in any way attracted to him, the big jerk—I hastened to assure myself.
“All right,” he said, straightening up at last. “I can tell that’s her handwriting. But if you’re her granddaughter, why didn’t you ever come to visit her? I saw how lonely she was—she could have used the company.”
“None of your business!” I snapped, stung by his words even though I hadn’t even remembered that my Grandma existed until that day.
He scowled.
“I guess you couldn’t make time for a visit—though you sure as Hell made time to come take over her house once she faded!”
Once again, his words hit home. In fact, they brought tears to my eyes—I would have loved to come visit my Grandma, if only I had known about her!
“You big asshole!” I said thickly, swiping at my eyes. “You don’t know anything about me or my relationship with my Grandma!”
He must have seen the tears in my eyes, because he looked suddenly stricken.
“Look, I didn’t mean—” he began.
“You’ve seen the will, now leave!” I snapped.
The big Orc actually had the grace to look ashamed of himself.
“Sorry,” he muttered. Then he turned and stumped back down the hill, his enormous work boots thudding solidly as he went.
