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Her tone had alerted Dark and Light and both of the big Kindred were suddenly at her side.
“Is there a problem, Lili?” Dark demanded.
“Is something upsetting you?” Light asked.
“No, no,” Lili said quickly. “It’s just…I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”
“There is no misunderstanding—we have given you a private tour of our collection, for which you must now pay,” f’loon insisted. “In our culture, nothing is freely given. There must be payment in kind for services rendered and also for our valuable time—we spent the whole day with you!”
“On my world, people can just go to a museum and pay a fee to see the art,” Lili protested. “Maybe we could arrange something like that? Monetary compensation of some kind?”
f’loon shook their bulbous head.
“Money is not what we need. es’plendio and myself need a willing womb to carry our child.” They stepped closer to Lili, their vast, golden eyes pleading. “We promise to make it pleasurable for you. As I stimulate your vaginal orifice and implant our eggs in your womb, es’plendio will pleasure your anus vigorously.”
As they spoke, their robe parted and a new kind of tentacle extended towards Lili. It was wrinkled and mottled red and black with a grasping, hand-like appendage on the end.
At the same time, es’plendio opened his golden trousers, revealing what looked like a long, crooked branch covered in rough, scratchy bark.
“Do you not see?” f’loon asked. “Do you not wish to have my egg arm invading in your womb as es’plendio’s semen stick thrusts deep in your anus?”
Lili didn’t think there was anything she wanted less that the weird octopus hand in her coochie and a literal stick up her ass at the same time. But before she could think of a nice way to say that, Dark was already in action.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he demanded, stepping forward menacingly. “If those fucking things you’re waving at our female are your dicks, you’d better put them away before I rip them off!”
Light was more polite but just as firm.
“Lilibet is spoken for,” he told f’loon and es’plendio. “I’m sorry, but she is our female—mine and Dark’s. We cannot possibly allow her to carry the eggs of another person.”
“Then…the three of you are a mated trio?” f’loon sounded deeply disappointed. “You never mentioned having mates,” they said to Lili. “We thought these two were simply your guards.”
“No, I’m afraid they’re my mates,” Lili said quickly. She didn’t like lying, but it seemed to offer a graceful way out of the “bargain” that f’loon thought they had made. “The Kindred don’t allow any kind of cheating,” she added. “Once Kindred warriors mate with a woman, they stay together for life.”
“Ah…we see there has been a misunderstanding.” f’loon nodded and then, to Lili’s relief, they put away the mottled “egg arm” and closed their robe. Es’plendio also stuffed his dry stick-dick back into his golden trousers.
“I’m really so sorry,” she said, truly meaning it. “I never dreamed that you thought I was, uh, offering my womb.”
f’loon shook their head.
“It is so difficult now to find a willing female. We do not understand the reason why.”
“Maybe because you want to shove a stick up their ass,” Dark remarked.
Light elbowed him and gave him a look.
“Well, it’s true,” Dark growled.
“I’m sure I don’t know why you can’t find a, uh willing womb,” Lili said quickly. “But I truly appreciate you spending so much time with me and showing me your collection. Are you sure there isn’t some other way to pay you? A way that doesn’t involve implanting your eggs in my womb, or any other part of me,” she added quickly.
“Well…” f’loon sighed and paced back and forth for a moment. “There is a payment that comes to mind,” they admitted at last. “Perhaps the three of you could pose for our artistic endeavors.”
“Uh…you want us to pose for you? All three of us?” Lili asked, raising her eyebrows.
“Doesn’t your ‘art’ involve people mating with each other?” Light asked.
“Yeah—it’s all fucking,” Dark growled.
f’loon’s golden eyes widened.
