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I ask, quickly pulling my thoughts from everything Kaleb. I can't think about him right now. The need to get my life back on track has to come before him, or any man for that matter.
“Is this a trick question?”
“No. One of the Captains from my team invited me to his ranch for a few days. How does a road trip sound?”
“It sounds damn perfect. I think it's exactly what I need!”
“Alright, get packed up, we’re leaving Friday, so I'll let you know more details after I talk to Harris.”
“Oh, he sounds cute.”
“What makes you think it's a guy?”
“Because I'm your only female friend, Jade. We both know you roll with men better than women in the grand scheme of life.” She's right. Shit, I can't think of any other woman I've actually remained friends with over the years. We just generally don't have much in common. Partly due to the fact I’m a soldier and most of them are wives of soldiers. I don’t really know why, but she’s right.
“I'll let you decide that for yourself. I'll see you after I go see my parents, then we’ll talk more. If it goes well, I’ll stay with them, if not I’ll be home sooner.” God, I need to talk to them. I know things will be awkward with the way I left. I know without a doubt that my parents love me, they love us all. It’s me who is dealing with more guilt than I’m willing to carry anymore. It’s time I at least attempt to be strong enough to handle the look on my mom’s face when she speaks of him. The elicit effect from what I’d done triggered my stubbornness into reality. I should’ve been there for him. I owe my parents the respect they deserve. I owe them the right to see their daughter.
“Jade, I'm so excited that you're home, but I hope it goes well and I don't see you for a few more days.” Her attitude turns serious.
“I know. Me too.” I'm not excited about anything, but I have to fake it. I am hopeful though. I'm hopeful I can make amends with a few things in my life. My parents are the first step to being successful in that.
“See you soon!” She hangs up, and I take some time before I call Harris. I think a trip like this is exactly what I need. I’m just not sure it should be with him. Who knows what Kaleb has said to him; and I can only imagine the shit going through Harris’ head. Well, there's one thing I know for sure, Harris will say what's on his mind. He won't sit on anything too long, so I know if something did go on between the two of them, he'll tell me.
“Shit.” His phone goes directly to voicemail. He's probably either sleeping or fucking someone, who the hell knows with him. I hope he’s done both; he deserves both after what we've been through. I leave him a message, letting him know I'd love to join him for that road trip and that I’m bringing Mallory. Also, that I’m at my parents’ for a few days, he can text me the time and the directions.
By the time I hang up, I’m pulling down the old, familiar street. Everything looks the same as it did all those years I lived here. Flowers are blooming and the grass is green. My heart literally leaps from the thought of seeing my parents. The white house with the big backyard looks the same. Except for the swing on the front porch and a few potted plants on the steps,it’s exactly as I remember.
“Jade. Oh my goodness.” My mom exits the house before I’m all the way out of the car. I pause for a moment and just take her in. She looks beautiful. Her blond hair is now streaked with silver, but her skin is still flawless. She has aged hardly at all.
“Mom.” Slamming the door to my car, I run to her. Her arms encircle me the moment I hit the top step. I don’t care what anyone says, there's nothing like being in the arms of your mom. I suck in a sharp breath; she smells the same. Like cookies and vanilla. A weird combination, I know, but my mom always made cookies. She always tucked a few extra away for me to eat with her; with four brothers and my dad she had to.
“You look tired, honey. Come in. Your father is in the back.” I am tired, both physically and mentally, and being here causes an emotional pull I'm just not sure I should've rushed. It's great right here on the porch. I'm just teetering on the edge of jumping into the past. A past I walked away from knowing it was the best thing to do at the time. She lays her soft hand on my arm and lightly encourages me through the front door.
I smile when we step inside. The same photographs of me and all my siblings still fill the one wall. The same exact leather furniture sits next to my dad’s ratted recliner, which is still in the spot directly in front of the television. These are the signs that I know I’m home.
I don't have time to reminisce long before my mom makes my presence known to my dad. “Christopher! Look who's here!” She yells out to the man who is sitting in the sunroom watching a ball game from the sounds of the loud play-by-play announcements over his speakers.
“You have got to be shitting me? My girl! Well damn, it’s about time you pulled your head out of your ass and brought it home. Get in here and have a beer with your old man. The Marlins are playing, up 3-0 in the bottom of the third.” Some things never change. This is why I needed to come home. I needed to see they were alright. I won't lie and say the guilt of staying away hasn't been eating at me.
I sit softly on the edge of the couch near my dad and face the game, hoping he'll continue to allow this whole thing to not be a terrible idea. Coming home should not feel like I'm walking on eggshells, but it does. “I know you can’t talk about what's bothering you, Jade, just know this will always be your home. We’ll always be your parents.” My mom sits next to me, and we both sit back to relax against the back of the couch. I feel my body loosen up slightly. We sit like this for an entire inning and listen to my dad yell at the umpires for every bad call that's made. He's always been an avid Marlin fan.
I watch him. He has aged some since I left. Gray covers his head, and the rough stubble on his face excels with age as well. He’s still strikingly handsome, in shape, and the best dad a girl could ask for.
He eventually leans in closer to me and asks why I haven't called home. I’ve had my feet tucked under me, watching him and the game in silence, but his words snap me upright, and tears instantly well in my eyes.
“I’m sorry, dad, mom.” I shift my head to look at her. "I should've called. I just...."
“We're sorry too, honey. We're all to blame for the past few years, and I won’t have you taking all the blame. You need to know that your dad and I are very proud of you." Her words cause more tears to fall, and I just watch as she stands to say what she's obviously been thinking about saying as we sat there without a word between us all. She walks closer to me and stands face-to-face as she continues softly.
"Look at what you’ve done with your life. You set out as a child to fulfill a dream, and you have succeeded. How can any two parents who love their daughter as much as we do not be proud of that?” My mom looks me in the eyes and smiles. Her smile is genuine and kind. It’s the greatest thing I’ve seen in a long time, and her words mean more than she'll ever know.
“It’s true. Hell, I brag about you all the time to the guys at the restaurant. Every morning over coffee and those chocolate-covered glazed donuts you used to love. None of the bastards have a thing on my ass. My daughter’s in The Special Forces.”
“You’ve followed my career,” I say, stunned as I watch my father stand as well.
“Of course we have. Shit, Jade. We love you so much. I don't want us to dwell on the past. Not with the future that lies ahead of us, and not with these Marlins kicking some ass today.” I run my finger down the condensation on the glass bottle of my beer,hiding the laugh or the rest of the tears that want to burst out of me.
My mom wraps her arms around me and pulls me back toward the couch. We sit and enjoy the game for a few more minutes before she asks who needs another beer. I follow her to the kitchen, while my father stays behind. "Maybe we can spend a day together soon, just the two of us women." She's smiling the largest smile I can imagine from her. She looks truly at peace and happy right now, and I wonder how she hides it so well. She has to hurt still, because I do.
