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“Come on, Briar. We haven’t exactly had the best couple of years. I feel you slipping away, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
Grabbing his face, I force his eyes to mine. “Caleb Goode, all marriages have hard times. We have been through alot. But I love you so much. I would never,everleave you.”
A smile pulls on his lips as he gathers me back into his arms. This time, I squeeze him back until we’re holding each other so tight it feels like we’re one. We stand there for so long, embracing tightly, neither of us speaking the entire time.
There is so much we need to speak about and so many feelings to be expressed, but right now, justfeelingis enough. Feeling his love and letting him feel mine.
Through everything in the past few weeks, we’ve changed. We are a different couple than we were before. There is a new energy in our relationship, and we are stronger than ever.
When he lifts me from the floor and carries me to the bed, it takes me by surprise. After laying me on the mattress, he takes off his pants and crawls in next to me. Pulling me into his arms, he lets me lie against his chest as he softly strokes my hair.
And I don’t expect him to speak because it’s not like Caleb to start the conversation, and I certainly don’t expect him to be nostalgic or emotionally vulnerable. But when he starts talking, I’m pleasantly surprised.
“The day we got married was the best day of my life,” he says with his lips against my hair. I lift up and stare at him.
“It was?”
His brow furrows. “Of course it was. Until that day, I kept thinking I would lose you. That you’d change your mind or that our relationship was just a phase for you. I seriously thought there was a chance you would go back tohim.”
“Caleb,” I say in a scolding tone.
“I’m serious,” he replies. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I kept waiting for my luck to run out. But then you said your vows at the altar, and I knew it was real, and it was forever. It felt like the first day of my life.”
Tears prick behind my eyes as I lean toward him and press my lips to his. “I love you so much.”
“And if you want to stop trying, we’ll stop trying,” he says, stroking my hair and pulling my face to his chest. “I wanted a baby, but Ineedmy wife. And I need you to be okay and happy.”
This freedom to speak our minds, no matter how wrong or unconventional our thoughts are, is why I fell in love with Caleb in the first place. I am safe with him.
“I just wanted to give you so much more,” I whisper.
“Why are you taking the blame, Briar? You can’t help this any more than I can. And I refuse to put you through any more pain for something we don’t even have. This life is perfect. We have Abby. We have each other. And now…”
His words trail as if he’s too afraid to speak this into existence. This affair with Dean already feels like so much more, even if we don’t acknowledge it.
The question that haunts me even more than whether or not Dean truly wants to be with us is the question of what happens to our marriage if we add him in. Are we strong enough to withstand this? Will we still beus?
I stare into Caleb’s eyes as our minds both reel with thoughts and worries. But rather than keep them hidden away in my mind any longer, I finally feel free enough around Caleb to let them out.
“I’m scared of how bringing him into our marriage will change us,” I say.
“Yeah, me too,” he replies, letting his eyes cast downward. “But I’m even more afraid of what losing him will cost us.”
My breath hitches as I gaze into his eyes, tears soaking my vision. Caleb holds me closer as he continues.
“Briar, he fills a piece of our relationship I never knew we needed. And I don’t care what anyone has to say about it. The three of us fit. We were made for each other.”
“It’s so amazing to hear you say that, Caleb.” When I blink again, another tear falls as I bury my face against him again.
As we lie there, with a bright future beaming on the horizon, I don’t think about what we lost but what that loss has granted us. With every moment of darkness and grief, there is a moment of rebirth and hope.
And while there is still so much for us to discuss and work on for our future, I know that we will build this new life together, slowly, brick by brick.
Part Four
The Lover
Forty-Three
