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Caleb
Briar sleeps peacefully at my side, and I love to see her so at ease. My heart aches for the years she spent in frustration and pain, blaming herself and her body for things that were completely out of her control.
How did I not know this sooner? Why did I keep this up for so long?
I thought it was what she wanted, but I should have known sooner that she needed a break for herself. Thatweneeded to weather that storm together rather than battling each other through the hardest periods of our lives.
I’m just grateful now that we are coming out on the other side, stronger and more connected.
Still, after everything, I can’t sleep, and I find myself tossing and turning, thinking about Dean. I still don’t know where his head is at with all of this. And I fuckinghatethat he’s with someone right now at that club.
Someone is touching him.
Kissing him.
Making him feel good.
Maybe they think that he’s theirs. That they can lay some sort of claim on him. What if he does care about them? What if that’s all we are to him? Just another client.
Clearly, I’m spiraling. And I don’t want to wake Briar to express any of this. But if I lie here another second, I’ll explode.
Climbing out of bed, I get dressed quietly. I sneak out of my own house, knowing Briar could track my location if she woke up and was worried about me. As I pull out of the driveway, I know that this is crazy and reckless, but I don’t know what else to do.
When I park in the lot across from the club, I start to worry that I’ve completely lost my mind. What if I go in there and see him with someone? I have no right to be at his place of work. And I know that I could very well ruin things between us if I fuck this up, so I need to get my head on straight.
I’m going in there to see him. Tounderstand. And if he really wants me to, I’ll find a way to accept that this is his job.
Getting out of my car, I head to the front entrance. Even though I’ve been here before, and my brother basically owns the place, I still feel like an outsider. Like I don’t belong here.
But when I walk in the front door and meet the young man at the host stand, he gives me a shocked expression as if he recognizes me.
“Good evening,” he says softly, pasting a fake smile on his face.
Under my breath, I mutter, “I’m just here to see Dean.”
He glances down at the iPad on the stand. “Do you have an appointment?”
My molars grind together as I force myself to breathe. “No, I don’t need an appointment.”
The man’s lips part in surprise as he straightens his spine. “Well, he is between clients right now. If he’s not on the floor, he’ll be in his room. Number four.”
“Thank you.” I brush past the host and into the club, ignoring when he calls after me for something.
The main floor of the club is dark and loud. There are soft-pink lights ahead that keep the space bathed in a warm hue. There’s a bar in the middle and tall tables stationed around it.
My eyes scan the crowd for someone familiar. I don’t spot Adam or Sage, which is a good thing. But I also don’t see Dean, whichisn’ta good thing. What if he’s with someone?
I make my way to one of the high-top tables and stand there alone, surveying the room. I’m in the corner, so I’m out of the light, watching like some sort of voyeur. No one is doing anything particularly dirty out here. In fact, it’s surprisingly tasteful. There is a room I can barely see from here that is labeledOpen Play. We passed it on our first night here, and Briar seemed especially interested in it.
What if Dean is in there? Does he have sex here that’snotpart of his job?
No, he wouldn’t do that. He knows we have something special between us. We might not have set up boundaries or expectations in our relationship, but he knows we’re not just casually hooking up.
Yes, I technically cheated on Briar to be with him, but he wouldn’t do that to us. That’s different.We’redifferent.
“Can I get you something to drink?” a woman with long red hair braided over her shoulder asks.
“Whiskey neat,” I reply, pulling out my credit card and handing it to her. My eyes continue to scan the crowd as she disappears and returns a moment later with my drink and my card.
