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Fifty-Five
Dean
“How are you feeling?” Briar touches my hand as I stare down at the program in my hand. My dad’s smiling face stares back up at me. The picture was taken on his boat when we went fishing one day, not too long ago.
“I’m feeling okay,” I reply. I squeeze her hand and fight the urge to kiss her. There are too many people here, and that’s not a conversation we want to have right now. At least not until later.
“Your eulogy was beautiful, baby,” she replies quietly.
“Thank you.” Briar stands and moves toward the food table in the back to help Sage and Melanie.
Next to me, Abby is coloring on one of the programs. It’s a picture of her on my dad’s lap under a rainbow. There are some unicorns and cats in the picture too.
Leaning over, I softly stroke her head, careful not to mess up her perfectly-styled braids. “That’s a nice picture,” I say, admiring her artwork.
She smiles up at me before climbing onto my lap and finishing her drawing. “I’m sorry your dad died,” she says, and I have to fight a smile.
“Thanks.”
I press my lips to the top of her head. “Done,” she says, showing me the masterpiece.
“I love it.”
“Will you hang it in your apartment?” she asks.
Flatly, I reply, “Obviously.”
As she hops off my lap to run to Caleb, I silently wonder how long I’ll live in that apartment. I’m not ready to move into the house yet. We all know this transition will take time, and if we rush anything, it will only put unnecessary pressure on our relationship.
But at least I’ve accepted the fact that thisisa relationship, and I’m not leaving. This is my family. There is no question about that.
Glancing up from my chair, I nod at Caleb, who’s standing with his brothers by the front of the room. It pains me to see them all together and know that Isaac is missing.
Adam immediately offered to hold my father’s funeral at his church. It’s really more of a celebration of life since that’s what my dad would have wanted. Food, music, family.
This was his dream for me. He didn’t want me to be alone, and thanks to these people, I’m not, and I never will be.
Currently, I’m sitting alone at this table, so I decide to stand and make my way toward the front, where the Goode brothers are talking. Immediately, and maybe by habit, Caleb wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his side.
Adam’s eyes track the movement first. Meanwhile, Luke has this all-knowing look on his face as if nothing surprises him.
The four of us make small talk together for a moment. Adam brings up the renovations they’re doing at the church, and Luke talks about his new course load at the university and his prospects of reaching tenure.
Meanwhile, I feel Caleb tense beside me. He’s growing restless, and I get a sinking suspicion that he’s thinking about his plan to come out today.
Glancing around the room, I notice that most of the guests have started to trickle out. Some were friends from my dad’s work or nurses from the senior living center.
“I’m ready,” Caleb whispers to me.
Turning toward him, I shrug my shoulders. “I’m ready when you are, but no pressure.”
“Fuck it,” he mutters, squeezing my arm. Then, he looks across the room at Briar. She smiles at him as she sets down a tray of food. “Briar, Dean, and I have an announcement to make,” he says loudly.
The small, quiet conversations in the room quickly come to an end. Suddenly, all eyes are on us.
I watch him in awe of how courageous he is in this moment. There’s not a hint of doubt on his face as his hand squeezes mine.
Abby looks up from where she’s playing with some toys in the corner. She beams at us before going back to what she was doing.
