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OLIVIA: Why didn’t you ever tell me about this, Q? You know I would have backed you up.
QUINN: I was embarrassed. So I figured if I just said that I was moving on to a different company, I could put everything behind me. Lesson learned and all that.
I feel the deep and crunching guilt that only comes when you let your best friend down. She was struggling. She needed me. I wasn’t there for her. I should’ve noticed, should’ve guessed, should’ve asked.
My phone chimes, taking me out of my mental self-flagellation.
QUINN: So tell me. Did you end up banging Reese? I know I said lean in, but I didn’t mean you should risk your career.
QUINN: I know I make some trash choices, but I would never tell you to do something that might hurt you for real.
My face softens. Quinn really is the party animal between the two of us, but she’s got a good heart and I would never replace her with anyone else.
OLIVIA: No, I haven’t slept with him.
OLIVIA: … I’m just coming to terms with the fact I want to.
QUINN: Damn, that’s fast.
QUINN: For you, I mean. You’re usually more reserved.
QUINN: So what was the deal with Eric? Obviously you weren’t all hot in the cooch over him?
Ah. Now, that really is a story and a half.
I get to typing.
OLIVIA: Well, Eric was married. And like, not on the verge of separated married. For real married married. But in the beginning I never thought he was actually serious about flirting. He’s a doctor. I know the stereotype is that they’re heartthrobs, but I’ve nannied for so many doctors and I can tell you, most of them are super awkward outside of the hospital.
OLIVIA: I got attached to the kids really quick, which impressed him. I thought he just liked the fact that I was able to corral Liam, who was a toddler, and juggle a newborn Sophia without troubles. He’d stick around a little more than he did when I first started.
OLIVIA: Eventually, he told me that he felt insecure because his marriage wasn’t what it used to be. He wasn’t sure how to be a good husband to his wife. I thought because he was telling me all this, we were becoming friends. He was lonely.
A lump rises in my throat. I remember how it felt the first time that I realized all of this was probably just a huge sham to get me closer to him.
OLIVIA: Then, he slowly started getting more physical. Finding more chances for us to be alone. I realize that a lot of things I thought were done in friendship probably weren’t. I’d been letting him flirt with me for months, maybe even more than that. Then he kissed me, and… you know the rest.
More than anything, I wish I had unloaded this on Quinn sooner. Typing all this out, like a confession, makes me realize just how burnt I really was by Eric. I thought he was my friend, but all he did was get close to me to try to have sex with me. And then, like unwanted trash, I was easy to toss away when his wife found out. Easy to portray as the slut in the wrong.
He's probably got another woman already. Maybe one that actually reciprocates what he’s looking for.
Quinn is typing…
QUINN: Well he’s a complete asshole.
QUINN: Like, he was one before, but now that I know the whole story, he’s the Literal Worst. I hope he goes down a slide of razor blades into a pool of lemon juice.
QUINN: Can I ask you something, though?
QUINN: What’s different about Reese?
Her last question hits me like a ton of bricks. Because I haven’t considered before now what exactly it is that’s different. He’s still my boss, right?
When I think about it, though, the answer is simple.
OLIVIA: He seems more honest about what he wants.
OLIVIA: He’s a cocky, arrogant dick. But he’s up front with it. So there’s nothing he’s hiding when he does things like flirt with me. I would rather know what someone wants than be blinded by it.
