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“I wouldn’t say it’s any of them. I’m really only affected if I’m faced with my abusers or if I’m in a shut-down period, then everything affects me. The food and flight trigger is all the time.”
“So you have a visual and non-visual trauma aggressor pattern. Got it. How do you manage triggers? Like a situation where you’re faced with triggers?”
“I don’t. It just overwhelms me until I pass out,” I embarrassingly admitted.
“That’s not good, and as such, we’re going to use my favorite and most effective method; grounding. It’s one of the techniques used to help bring the person experiencing the symptoms of a trigger; this involves bringing the mind to focus on the present moment. We use the five senses to exercise. Name 5 things you can see in the room right now, name 4 things you can feel right now, name 3 things you can hear right now, name 2 things you can smell now, and name 1 good thing about yourself. Let’s try it.”
We spend the forty-five minutes trying the grounding method and talking about the effects of trauma and the ones I’ve faced. Hyper-sexuality, trust issues, abandonment issues, attachment issues, daddy issues, and post-traumatic stress-induced nightmares are what I’ve been working with. It’s totally abnormal, but then again, nothing about my life has ever proved to be normal.
She asked me about my love life to which I responded by telling her about Matthew and all the flings I’ve had in that space. She wasn’t surprised by it though, as she said with everything I’ve faced, all of that is normal.
We spoke for hours, and by the time I left, it was about 7:00 pm. I learned a lot, and I was ready to get out of the place that had my anxieties pouring like rain. Don’t get me wrong, the session wasn’t bad, I just hated opening up to people.
“Am I supposed to message you with feedback or my progress report or something?”
“You can, and I’d appreciate it if you do. It’s not a must though. If you’re uncomfortable, you don’t have to, but I’d appreciate it.” She smiled kindly, and I smiled back. “I’m here, so if you need anything, I’m here for you, and I’d love to talk to you.”
We both smiled, and I left. The day was long, but I was glad it was over. I just wanted to get some sleep. I had another session with her on Wednesday, but I really wanted it to be over as soon as possible.
I was now left with the big question: what did the future hold for me?
CHAPTER 15
Dillon
“Good morning, Melissa,” I greeted upon entering the building. It’s unusual for me to be here so early; usually, I clock in at my regular 9 am or even closer to 10, but I had an early morning, off the books meeting.
“Good morning, sir. How can I assist you?”
“Please contact my florist and request the same order as the last.”
“Where should I bring them upon arrival?”
“My office.”
Melissa nodded, and Mikkel and I proceeded to my office. “Flowers again, D?” Mikkel asked with smirk.
“Yes, Mikkel, again,” I chuckled and entered my office.
Inside the room, I saw Arnoldo sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee and Bryce gazing out at the city view. They both acknowledged my arrival, and we exchanged greetings.
“Why the sudden meeting?” I asked, placing my bag on the ground.
Bryce reacted, “You act like you have better things to do.”
I considered how I could be doing other, more pleasant things. “Whatever.”
“The bill has arrived, and we reviewed it. Bryce will pay seven million, and you’ll pay the remaining ten million to secure our joint club venture. We can negotiate, but that’s the rough draft,” Arnoldo stated, handing the respective files to Bryce and me.
We sat down reviewing the files, which took about half an hour. Arnoldo really is the most precise person I’ve ever met.
Bryce was skilled at running clubs, being the mastermind behind most in the state. I handled the remaining twenty percent, along with other independent contractors.
“Sounds good. I’ll have accounts draft a—”
“Good morning, sir. Sorry to interrupt, but the flowers have arrived,” Melissa announced as she opened my office door. She placed the rather large beautiful bouquet of flowers on the side table.
“Flowers?” The men turned to me, astonished.
