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“Yeah, or you’re reading,” Elliot supplies, and we all laugh at that. “I like his name. Ciaran. Sounds all sexy and dangerous. Is he tatted? Piercings? Tell us.”
Eliza cups Elliot’s shoulder, leaning into her. “No visible tats or piercings, surprisingly. But hot isn’t even the word. He’s all big and gorgeous, and he has these blue eyes that just consume you. I’m telling you guys, you should have seen her face when their eyes met. I mean, sparks flew.”
I felt them, but I didn’t know it was noticeable.
Clara wiggles with excitement. “Finally, not a dud!”
I hesitate, my stomach churning a bit. “Definitely not. Though, I’m worried that since I put out with no effort on his part whatsoever, he won’t call.”
Austen gives me a pointed look. “Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t already doom this just because you expect that. You said yourself this is different. That it felt different.”
It did. But is that enough?
“Exactly,” Elliot says. “Don’t forget the pull you described. If you felt it, surely he did.”
I nod, hopeful. “I know he did, but not everyone gets stuck in an apartment with a guy and falls in love,” I tease at Austen, but my sister just beams. “Why do you think forced-proximity books sell so great? It’s forcing people to fall in love.”
Austen scoffs. “We could have been on different sides of the city, and we would have fallen for each other.”
“True,” I agree, loving her over-the-top loving look. “But sharing a wall rushed the process.”
My sisters all giggle as Austen shrugs. “Maybe so, but you two didn’t need anything. The pull has him eating you out on the kitchen table with no need for you to return the favor.”
We all laugh at that, except Eliza. “Please tell me you bleached everything.”
I laugh loudly as I turn the phone to show her the bleach spray I used. “Done.”
“Thank goodness,” she mutters as everyone laughs at her disgusted look. I get it, though. I probably should have had a bit of consideration, but Ciaran really didn’t give me time to react.
Not that I wanted to.
“I’m jealous,” Austen says, and all of us look at her in surprise.
“What, is Dimitri lacking?” Elliot teases, and Austen smacks her.
“No! Not at all. Loads of fun orgasms. But how do you just go down on a guy?”
“I dropped to my knees. It was really easy,” I supply dryly, and I don’t miss Eliza choking on her drink. Clara laughs as Elliot nods in agreement, though Austen looks annoyed.
“Yeah, it’s easier on your knees. Though, I do enjoy being on my side. Ya know, like…” Elliot makes the crude motion of giving head as she lies on her side, which has Clara dissolving in laughter.
Eliza is grinning as Austen smacks Elliot. “I’m serious.”
Clara snorts. “So are we!”
“Ugh. You guys are annoying!”
“What is it, Austen?” I ask, trying not to laugh at how red her face is or how annoyed she is. “What has made you jealous?”
My middle sister shrugs, unsure of herself. “I still struggle with it, and I love Dimitri with all my heart.”
My heart aches at her confession. The laughter dies, and I swallow hard. The younger girls never experienced the Halo, and I’m thankful for that. Being surrounded by guys as they walked around, touching and scrutinizing every piece of you in an effort to decide whether you were worth their time. We couldn’t have sex until we were wedded, but that didn’t stop the guys who forced their pathetic penises into our mouths for their pleasure. It was disgusting, and I hated every second of it.
I lost my sex drive during those years. Most of all, I hated that Eliza and Austen had to be a part of it. I’d sob when someone would grab them, the way their eyes would widen and how they’d cry for me to make it stop. I became numb to it all, and when I was married, I had hoped I’d never have to go through it again. But my ex-husband would rather fuck my mouth than my pussy.
I guess it is surprising that I was so willing, so wanton, for Ciaran’s cock, but I know I only wanted to pleasure him the way he had me. Years of healing and therapy and finding out what empowered my sexuality helped.
“I wanted to,” I admit, my stomach clenching with need only Ciaran can give me. I wonder what he’s doing, how his friend’s car is, and when he’ll call. “I only do it when I want to.”
