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I love how much my family loves Maia and my mom insists she come back with me sometime. I think I made my final decision, that I will return home after graduation. I’ve missed it so much.
As we pull off, we wave more, and Maia rolls down the window and hangs her head out. “Bye! Thanks again!”
She hasn’t stopped saying thank you all morning. From the food to letting her stay at our home to welcoming her with open arms, Maia couldn’t say thank you enough.
I glance between the rearview mirror and the road until they disappear from sight. Now the long road trip back to California stretches out before us, and suddenly, I’m not so sure how I feel.
About everything.
The radio plays softly in the background as I merge onto the highway, but it’s quiet between us. Maia stares out her window, seemingly lost in thought. She reaches up and wipes her cheek, and I notice a few tears slip down.
“If we stayed any longer, you’d get sick of them. Trust me,” I joke.
Maia doesn’t say anything.
“Everyone would go back to their normal lives and be lost in their own shit.”
“Why are you being so negative right now?”
“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be. I was hoping to cheer you up.”
“Well, what you’re saying isn’t helping,” she snaps. What’s with the sudden attitude? It seems to have come out of nowhere. Is she really that upset about leaving?
“Did it piss you off that much? I was only joking.”
“No, it’s just…never mind. It’s nothing.” She reaches over and turns the radio volume up.
Okay, I guess we’re done talking for now. Why is she being so weird?
I get lost in my own thoughts as I drive. I still haven’t processed everything that’s happened this week, but things aren’t the same since before we had sex.
Of course they aren’t. How could they?
But did I think about how things would go down after? Nope. Did I think about how messy it made it all? Fuck no.
And now here I am dealing with the fallout and feeling more confused than ever. I sigh and grip the steering wheel tighter.
I’m so conflicted it pisses me off. I took us past the boundaries I set up for myself, something I never should have done. If we keep having sex, that’s not fair to her when I know she’s not the friend-with-benefits type. She’d want commitment and a relationship, and I can’t offer her that. Not when we’ll be thousands of miles apart.
But what if she comes home to Florida with you?
A shitstorm of bats takes flight in my stomach. The seriousness of something like that…
What the fuck am I even thinking?
Maia’s right. We crossed the line when we had sex. Our friendship is forever changed, and I know that.
I decide when we get back to Sierra Cove that I need to put some distance between us. Every part of me screams no, but our relationship needs to cool off a bit.
And I think the only way that can happen is by giving each other some space.
So why do I feel like absolute shit?
* * *
When we stop at a motel for the night, Maia’s mood has finally shifted.
We laugh over pizza and a stupid horror flick she picked out, and we make fun of the bad acting and props.
