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Liv ran to her room, losing the fight against tears. She felt awful. How could she ever make this up to Juliette? How would she look her in the eye? What if Juliette refused to speak to her ever again?
If it came down to it, she knew that Kane would choose her side, and Laura would choose Juliette’s. Liv would never be able to live with herself if Kane and Laura split up because of her blunder.
How could she fix this? She desperately wanted to do something about it now, but that would be the opposite of helpful. If she pushed herself on Juliette now, tried to force her to hear her apologies when Juliette clearly wanted to be left alone, she would make things worse rather than better.
No, Liv would have to control herself. Too bad her sudden commitment to self-control was coming too late. Nevertheless, she could at least avoid making this catastrophe any worse than it already was.
Would Juliette tell Laura? Liv wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to confide in her mother, but if she did, it would pretty much spell death for Laura and Kane’s relationship.
Laura would be furious at Liv, and rightly so. Kane would defend her, and the resulting fight would be relationship-ending.
Surely, Juliette wouldn’t tell Laura, though. She was also invested in seeing their parents happy, and she had to realize the consequences as well as Liv did. Liv wanted to go back and try to secure her silence now, but once more, she used her newfound self-control to prevent herself from leaving the room.
She had to think with her head now. Way too late, but better late than never, right?
Liv could only hope that she hadn’t ruined everything irreparably.
4
Juliette
Juliette had never had a panic attack, but she was fairly certain she was having one now. The walls seemed to be closing in on her and the room was spinning. It was becoming increasingly difficult to draw breath.
Was this a panic attack or a heart attack? Should she be calling an ambulance?
No, this had to be panic. She could feel terror racing through her insides, which it had been from the moment she felt Liv’s lips against hers, before she had begun to experience any physical symptoms.
Not terror because she didn’t want the kiss, terror because she did want it. She really wanted it, and what that meant just seemed too big to comprehend in the moment.
Juliette had no idea how to deal with a panic attack. She had seen people use paper bags on TV. Surely there must be a paper bag around somewhere.
She pulled open drawers, her hands shaking so badly that she sent socks and panties flying everywhere. One of the drawers came flying out of its place entirely and crashed onto the floor.
Giving up on the paper bag idea, she let her knees give out and crumpled to the floor, trying to breathe evenly.
She wouldn’t think about the kiss – that would surely send her spiraling deeper into the panic attack. Juliette put her hands on her stomach and focused on expanding and contracting it, filling her lungs with air and then expelling that air as slowly as she could.
She didn’t know how long it took for her breathing to return to normal, but it seemed like forever. When she finally no longer felt like she was suffocating, Juliette let out a soft moan of relief. The bed was too far away, so she lay down on the floor, drawing her knees up to her chest.
What the fuck was that?
She didn’t blame Liv for kissing her. Liv had told her to say if she must stop, and Juliette had kept stupidly silent. The moment had felt magical. She had let Liv kiss her, so this entire disaster was entirely her fault.
The problem wasn’t that Liv had kissed her. If it had just been that, it would have been easy. Juliette would have politely told Liv that she didn’t return her interest, and they could have continued being friends.
Except.
Juliette had enjoyed the kiss.
She wasn’t supposed to enjoy a kiss from Liv. She wasn’t supposed to enjoy a kiss from any woman. She was as straight as they came. She was into men. She had sex with men. She dated men. Surely, that meant she was straight?
Sure, nothing had ever lasted and she had never been that sad about that, but that was just because she hadn’t found the right guy yet. Loads of straight women struggled to find guys they were compatible with. Some of her friends had even confided in their struggles. Dating was difficult, not only because you had to find someone you were emotionally compatible with, but someone you were sexually compatible with.
She simply hadn’t found someone she was compatible with.
Except Liv.
No, she couldn’t be compatible with Liv. What would her mother say if she caught the two of them kissing? Juliette would be disowned and kicked out of the house. She did well enough in her own career that she could afford to support herself financially, but that was hardly the point.
