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“You sure you want to ride with me?” Jamie asked me, giving me one more chance to take off running after my friends, “You don’t have to, you know.” He swung his leg over the bike and flipped up the kickstand. On his bike I’d have no choice but to hold on to him with the entire front of my body pressed into his back.
I stepped up to the bike. “I know.” I swung my own leg over and sat there on the tiny seat behind him.
That little smile was back as he looked over his shoulder at me. “You sure you don’t want the helmet, Caden?” God, I loved hearing him say my name. Get ahold of yourself.
“Nah. I think the driver should have it.” He shrugged and pulled it on with one more glance at the figure by the wall. The guy was still there, and he appeared to be watching us as my friends’ Uber took off out of the parking lot.
“Hold on,” Jamie said, and I placed my hands on his ribs cautiously as he started the bike. I knew I’d have to hold on tighter when he took off, and I was trying with all my might to keep my hands from shaking.
Jamie turned slightly toward me. “Hey, if it’s cool, could you maybe play it up a little bit? Like, you know, we’re together? So maybe he sees and gets the hint that the restraining order I had against him means I’m honestly not interested?”
I humored him. That’s all I was doing, humoring him. He asked me to, and it was for his safety. I wrapped my arms around his middle and leaned in, hugging him to my chest as I propped my head on his shoulder. I could feel his six-pack under my forearms. “How’s that?”
I felt his breath hitch slightly, but he just said, “Perfect.” He revved the engine twice and took off out of the parking lot, blowing past the figure by the wall. The figure that was moving.
Chapter 6
April
“Order in the court!” The judge was yelling. Everyone was yelling. There were shouts all around the room and utter chaos ensued. Most of the words of the people in their seats didn’t register in my mind. It was all just noise, commotion. The judge was yelling over everyone, so some of her words were sinking in. And even though they sounded distant, I could hear my friends trying to call out for me to stop. It was too late for that. I could see the deputies moving in my peripheral vision.
The judge yelled again, pounding her gavel. The sound perked my ears enough in her direction that I heard her next words over all the other noise. Over the voices, the yelling, and the idiotic screams. It was beyond me why anyone at the back of the room would be screaming. No one else had a reason to be concerned for their safety, and it seemed outlandish that anyone would even think differently. There was only one person in the room who had any reason to fear me. “I will not have outbursts like this in my courtroom!” Oh, the judge was pissed. But so was I.
My hands were locked tightly around the bastard’s throat. Knowing my time was limited, I squeezed tighter. Every bit of hatred and rage in me oozed into my hands as they encircled his gangly neck. I thought of the first time I’d seen him, talking to Jamie in the club on Jesse’s birthday. I thought of how obvious it was that he hadn’t cared that Jamie had wanted nothing more than to just walk away. I thought of how he’d never cared about anything Jamie wanted, namely, to be left alone. He should’ve been caring in that courtroom, though, because I didn’t.
“Tell me where he is, you son of a bitch!” I leaned toward him, knowing my face was red with fury, that my eyes were probably almost spitting fire. “I know you took him somewhere. I know you’re full of shit. I think Jamie’s alive. Tell me where the fuck he is!” He didn’t attempt to speak, so I went on, deciding to throw out some emotional pain while I was at it. “I knew about you the whole time, you piece of shit. He sent me all of your messages because he hated you so much. He wanted you to go away forever. I wish I would have killed you then. He would have been grateful.” I saw a flicker of emotion pass through his eyes at that, but then he schooled his face right back into the indifference he’d worn all day, even as I was choking him out. I gripped even tighter. “Tell me where he is!”
Despite the fact that he was struggling for air and pulling at my steel grip with his scrawny hands, he managed to smirk at me. His face and neck were bright red as I cut off his air supply, but he was still happy that he’d upset me, the rival in his twisted mind. Well, we’d see if he could still smirk when he was blue, then.
“Caden, stop!” Caitlin’s voice broke through my haze of fury from somewhere behind me, somewhere nearby. She sounded terrified. Not of me but for me. I already knew, though. I knew what the consequences were. But if I could just kill him before they stopped me, it would all be worth it.
Right before the nearest deputy reached me, I launched myself over the waist-high wall in front of me, the only thing separating me from Jamie’s abductor. My hands didn’t leave his neck in the leap. He was pushed backward into the table as I landed right in front of him. For the first time, the briefest flicker of surprise crossed his face. I shoved him into the table harder, then slammed him to the floor, following him down. His head made a loud pop on the wood, but my hands still hadn’t left his throat. The fact that his lips were turning blue as he gasped and clawed at my grip gave me a little bit of satisfaction.
I left one hand on his throat as I reared my other fist back. I would beat him to death while I strangled him. I could be fast, faster than them. I would punch him until there was nothing left of his face. Hate was not a strong enough word for what I felt. If those hands pulling on mine had taken Jamie’s life, then I wanted to rip them apart, finger by finger.
“Order in the court,” came the words again. Right before I got a punch in, someone grabbed my wrist, and another person grabbed my other arm. Together, the two deputies were able to pull me off him and I could do nothing to stop it.
His attorney helped him up as I was held by the two officers a few feet away from him. He was gasping for air as he rubbed the back of his head where it had hit the floor. He looked surprised that I’d managed to hurt him in the courtroom. You have no idea what I’m capable of, you asshole.
My friends were on the other side of the wall, but standing right behind me and the two officers who were holding me back. They had death grips on my arms. If they hadn’t, I would have gone back in for more, and I’m sure they could tell. I wanted him to suffer, like he’d made me suffer. Like he’d made Jamie suffer.
“We’ll get him out of here, Your Honor, if you’ll let us.” Jeff had a pleading lilt to his voice. I was breathing heavily, nostrils flaring but not struggling against the hands holding me. I glanced back at my friends. Jeff, Jesse, Caitlin, and Amber all stood there solemnly, imploring the judge to go easy on me. They were silently begging for mercy for their friend, just a fool in love who’d lost the only person that mattered. I knew they wanted her to understand that I wasn’t in my right mind, but that I’d be ok, eventually. They just needed to get me out of there, away from the man who’d caused all my pain.
They were wrong, though. I wouldn’t be ok, not without Jamie. And I was no fool. I knew how much trouble I was in. I had known that when I stalked up to the front of the room with no warning, prepared to kill. I knew I was going to end up in jail. I glanced up at the judge, who was now looking back at me. I probably looked regretful for pissing her off, because I was, but not sorry for strangling him, because I definitely was not.
She still looked angry, but there was something in her eyes. Sympathy, maybe, or even empathy. She knew my situation without my friends having to say another word. I’d just made my feelings for Jamie very clear in that courtroom. You would only lose your mind like that if the life on the line was someone you were madly, head-over-heels in love with.
It was funny, really, what love could make you do. I thought of that bright smile at me from the twin bed of my dorm. I thought of that beautiful face tipped back, eyes closed in ecstasy above me in his bedroom. I thought of that breathless, “Shut up,” with a laugh in the bathroom of the club. Of the times I’d held those hands that were somehow both strong and delicate. My own hands twitched, itching to get back to the throat they were homed in on.
The deputies were waiting, hands still gripping my arms, for the judge to instruct them on what to do with me. She stared at me long and hard, and I never broke eye contact. I know you understand now how much I love him. I need to find him. I need…him. She finally sighed. “Why don’t you go outside and take a breather, son,” she finally said, “I can’t have my courtroom disrupted again. We’re working for justice, just like you. But you have to let us do our jobs.”
Wally’s attorney tried to say something, a complaint about her letting me off the hook, no doubt, but she just looked at him and pounded her gavel again. “I said order! Everyone take a seat. The show’s over.” Wally and his attorney both sat down, but the lawyer looked at me like he wanted to strangle me himself. Bring it.
I said nothing more to Wally or his attorney. I would not abuse the judge’s grace. She could have had me thrown in jail, but she didn’t. It wasn’t true, though. They weren’t fighting for the same justice I was. None of them were even listening to me. I knew they all thought I was crazy. And by then, I felt like maybe I was. But I couldn’t just give up, not after everything. It couldn’t end there. How were you supposed to just give up on the person you loved most in the world?
I knew though, that I didn’t need to end up in jail, not while I was still looking for Jamie. I looked at the judge gratefully, because she certainly didn’t have to give me a free pass. “Yes, Your Honor,” I said quietly, “Thank you.” She gave me the smallest smile, and the deputies walked me over to the swinging doors on the low wall. They let go of my arms when we were through them. My friends surrounded me and ushered me toward the back of the courtroom.
The room was completely silent as we passed through, and everyone was looking at me. There were other students there. Some were law students, but the others were just curious onlookers, there for the show, in shock that this had happened to someone they’d seen on campus every day. They were all staring. Gaping at me.
