AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Yeah, that’s my point,” Caitlin said, grinning at Jamie, “It was super obvious every time you looked at Jamie.”
Despite his irritation, he grinned back at her. My friends were so annoying sometimes, but they were the best friends I knew I’d ever have. I hoped we didn’t grow apart after school, like so many people did.
We all went back to studying again, but I still laughed every time Jamie shifted in his seat, and he still threw things at me every time I did.
Chapter 18
April
I was staring at my phone again, looking at the pictures I’d taken the time we all went ice skating. Well, the time some of us ice skated and some of us tried to ice skate. Jeff and I obviously had no problems on the ice, which is why we thought it would be something fun that all our friends would enjoy. Jesse and Caitlin had gone with us a few times in the past, and they’d both grown up in the North, so they were decent at ice skating. They weren’t figure skating out there, or anything, but they could stay on their feet for the most part.
Jamie, however, had never had his feet in a pair of ice skates. He’d never even been roller blading. Amber had grown up in the South, too, in Louisiana. While there were indoor rinks in the South, she hadn’t been to one since she was six. Jamie and Amber were definitely the least confident that it would be a good time. The second he stood up after lacing up his skates, Jamie looked at me and said, “I told you this was a bad idea, Caden.”
It turned out that Jamie’s notion of a bad idea and my idea of a fun night full of laughs at his expense were actually the same thing. I had officially found something I was better at than him, and I was going to revel in it.
Jeff instantly took pity on Amber. She held onto him as they slowly made their way around the rink, and he patiently showed her what to do. By the time they’d made their way around once, she was able to let go of him, but he stayed beside her. She had some memory of it, so though she was wobbly and unsteady, and occasionally had to grab his arm to stay upright, she was doing ok for a beginner.
Jamie though. Jamie got onto the ice and fell before I could even move to catch him. I did try, but I also laughed. “Fuck you, Caden. Help me up.” I helped him. I tried to instruct him like Jeff was instructing Amber, but I was honestly laughing too hard to do much good as he held onto both my arm and the wall and walked more than skated around the rink the first time.
“Stop being mean to Jamie!” Caitlin cried as she and Jesse skated past us on Jamie’s second attempted lap.
“Yeah, Caden,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me, “Stop being mean to Jamie. He’s never been on any kind of ice before in his life. The closest he’s been was that time he dropped a frozen margarita and stepped in it.”
I laughed again but said, “Ok, ok, sorry.” I took hold of his arm. His eyes widened in terror as he realized I was pulling him away from the wall, but I was a damn good skater, and he was smaller than me. I had no problem keeping him upright even though his feet weren’t going where he wanted them to.
We passed Jeff and Amber, and Jeff laughed. “I don’t think that’s how you teach someone to skate, Caden.”
“He’ll get it,” I called back.
He did get it, at least somewhat. By the end of the night, Jamie could make a full circle around the rink without holding on to me or the wall, and without falling. Even though I could skate circles around him, he looked pretty darn proud of himself. I was proud, too. He’d tried something new, and just like everything he attempted, he was determined enough not to give up. Jamie never gave up. I loved that about him. And it was the hope I was clinging to as we drove to North Florida on a spur-of-the-moment trip to try to figure out what really happened to him.
I didn’t realize the van had stopped until Caitlin said, “Caden, you need to stretch and get some air. Why don’t you come inside with me? We’ll get a snack and something to drink.” I dragged my eyes from the phone to her worried face. Everyone else was already out of the van. Jeff was pumping gas. The others had all gone inside besides Caitlin, who was imploring me to get off my phone and think about something else for a minute.
I tried to keep clinging to my hope, even though as I looked at her face I knew she was right about everything. Her voice of reason was taunting me, even though I knew that hadn’t been her intention. She wanted me to be prepared for things I didn’t want to be prepared for. She didn’t want me to have my hopes up just to have my heart dashed to pieces when the truth came to light.
I knew, deep down, that the most likely thing the trip would accomplish would be my own closure. Even if my theory was right, and Jamie had outsmarted Wally, how would Jamie survive in the condition he was in? Wounded, naked, alone in the elements. Even with his survival instincts and the fact that he’d lived in the wilderness before, it had been weeks, and he hadn’t been injured the first time he lived in the wild. Determination could get you far, but only to a certain point. Beyond that, you needed outside help, and if it didn’t come in time…
I sighed in resignation and stuck my phone in my pocket as I climbed out of the van and followed Caitlin into the small gas station. I didn’t even know where we were. It seemed to be a small town, if it could even be called a town. We had to be getting close to Crystal Shores, but I wondered what would happen when we got there. Where would we look? What did we do first? Search the town? I wasn’t sure what good asking anyone would do, because Jamie’s story, and his face, were on the news all over the country, but it was running especially heavily in Florida. It was all over social media. There were signs up all over the state. Friends of friends of friends had been spreading the word. Most people knew that Jamie was missing, and surely if someone knew something, they would have said something.
We knew where Wally was from, but we had no idea where he would go when he got back there. Did he know someone there? Was there a friend there, an accomplice, who’d let him stay with them for some reason we didn’t understand? Then there was the fact that the forest was right there, but would he even set foot there, after such a traumatic childhood experience? And even if so, I was pretty sure it was physically impossible for the five of us to comb the forest alone. The whole thing felt pointless.
I glanced around at my friends who were in various places around the store. Amber was coming out of the restroom. Jesse was standing deep in thought in front of the candy. Jeff had just come inside. Caitlin grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the soda fountain. “Get something to drink, Caden. And grab a snack. I’m buying. You need to be strong and have a little energy.”
She had a point, but they all knew it was futile. They all knew the task was much too large for our little group, but they were willing to try. They were still there for me. And for Jamie. I leaned on the wall beside the machine where Caitlin was filling a Styrofoam cup with something full of sugar and caffeine that she was going to make me drink. I knew I needed to eat and drink. I’d lost more weight than I’d even realized, evidenced in the jeans I put on when we were getting ready to leave. I knew I looked like shit. My friends were trying to take care of me, but the only thing that would really help me were answers.
I didn’t know how I would react if I found proof that Wally’s words were right, and Jamie was dead. I was pretty sure it would kill me. It would make it impossible to go on. My already shattered heart would fall into pieces that would blow away in the slightest breeze. I wasn’t sure how I’d survive or if I would, but at least I would have closure. I would know that Jamie wasn’t alone out there somewhere, hurt and starving, hoping that help would come for him. I wouldn’t have to wonder constantly what had happened or if there was still a chance that he’d come wandering back onto campus someday. I was pretty sure that without the answers I would never stop hoping, and my grieving process would never be complete because I would never give up that hope.
If I had closure, I would at least be able to face my pain, to confront it fully and let go of the clinging grip I had on my hope. I would be able to say goodbye and grieve. I would be comforted, albeit slightly, by the fact that he could rest peacefully, loved and visited, not somewhere in the dark woods alone, again. I could try to move on. It felt like something I needed both for him and for myself, but even so, I knew I would never, ever stop loving him. I would never get over him. For as long as I survived, I didn’t want anyone but him. I would never fall in love with anyone else. No one would ever compare.
Caitlin put a straw through the cup lid and handed it to me, then pulled me over to the snacks. She grabbed some beef jerky and a bag of chips. Not the healthiest of meals, but probably healthier than what I would have chosen on my own, which was nothing. She walked up to the counter, and I followed her half-heartedly.
The two young employees were talking as we approached. “…the weirdest was that guy a few weeks ago. Remember I told you about him? So creepy, man, he was acting so-” he stopped talking as we reached the counter and Caitlin put all our stuff on it. I was pretty sure she hadn’t even heard him. My own ears, however, had been listening to everything around me every time I left my dorm, and I automatically assumed that everything I heard had something to do with the answers I was seeking. I’d been wrong every time, but even so, I was desperate enough to pull my phone out and pull up the news page I’d saved.
My friends already thought I’d lost my mind, as did most of my classmates. What difference did it make if the guys at the counter thought so, too? I’d never see them again. And if Wally had actually been the weirdo who’d creeped the guy out, I would be able to safely assume, given our location, that I’d finally been right about something. That he’d taken Jamie home. And so, I had to ask.
“Hey,” I said to the clerk who’d been speaking, “Was this the weird guy who came in here a few weeks ago?” I pushed the phone toward him with Wally’s face taking up the whole screen. Caitlin, who obviously had no idea they’d been talking about a weird guy, looked at me in shock. I noticed in my peripheral that my friends paused their movements all over the store. I didn’t care. I wanted an answer.
The guy looked a little surprised I’d even heard him, but he humored me and took my phone. He furrowed his brow then looked up at me, thoroughly confused. “How did you know this was the guy I was talking about just from hearing part of a sentence?”
