AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“But I mean it,” I went on, “Jamie, please. I love you. I never meant to hurt you. I know some part of you has to know that.”
His eyes finally met mine even though when they did I wanted to look away. Even after everything I didn’t really expect the utter heartbreak I found in them. “I thought you were different, Caden. I really did. But now I…is that how you see me? Is that all I am to you? Just some stripper, another of those, a novelty who will only ever belong at your side when no one else can see? I told you I’d wait, and I didn’t lie, but I don’t think you want to come out at all. Not really. I’m really not sure you know what you want. And I’m not sure that what you really want is me.” He looked away as a tear slipped out. My heart broke when I saw it, and I wanted to wipe it away.
Part of me wanted to get defensive and point out that I’d already come out to my closest friends and immediate family, it was just hard at school, where everyone expected me to be a particular person, where they all loved who they thought I was, and it was the only reason I’d gotten anywhere at all. Jamie didn’t understand because he’d chosen to be himself a long time ago. But then I realized that maybe he did understand. Because when he tried to live in my world, he got hurt by everyone around him, including me. Was that really how he was feeling? Like I was just another Brad, only with a different agenda? A Brad that wanted to get into his pants instead of fighting him in the quad?
“Jamie, I love you! I don’t say that lightly. I’ve never said it to anyone besides my family. You’re the first person I’ve ever loved like this. The first. No one else. It kills me to think I made you feel otherwise. I’m not them. I’ve just spent so long pretending to be that I don’t even know how to be myself anymore. It’s…scary. I’m having a hard time letting myself be open. I’m trying. I really am.” He looked up at me slowly after my admission.
I went on, “And I’m really, truly sorry. About so many things. I’m sorry that you’re my secret right now because I do see that it’s hard. I’m sorry that I ignored you at that party. It wasn’t how I meant for the night to go. I’m sorry that people got away with talking shit about you there without getting my fist in their face. I’m sorry I put my arm around Renee. I never should have done that. And I’m sorry for bringing your job into it. I never lied to you, I swear. I do trust you. That was childish and shitty of me. Please, please forgive me. Give me one more chance and I swear I’ll prove how sorry I am. You haven’t acknowledged me in days. I don’t know what to do, and I…I don’t want to break up. Please. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. You have my whole heart. It’s breaking. Please.”
He looked at his coffee, but then back up at me. “I don’t want to break up with you, Caden,” he said softly, “I just needed to get away and hide for a little bit. I know that’s probably not a healthy coping mechanism, but it’s pretty ingrained in me because it’s how I’ve always dealt with things. But you…you need to decide if you really want me. I come as I am. And if that’s not what you want, then please, tell me now. You’ve already made me fall in love with you. I can’t get any deeper into this just to have my heart broken because I…I wouldn’t survive it.”
He looked down again, but I reached out and grabbed both of his hands, right there in the coffee shop. His eyes snapped back up. “I don’t have to do any thinking about that, Jamie. I made up my mind a long time ago. You are what I want. All of you. Every part of you. I love you. Please, can we be ok again? I’m sorry.” I’d never said I was sorry so much in my life. But I’d also never been that sorry.
He didn’t pull his hands away. “I’m sorry, too.”
I looked at him, confused. “What are you sorry for?”
“For the angry things I said. For telling you I didn’t know if I should trust you. For running away and hiding instead of talking to you.”
I smiled. “I don’t think you really need to apologize, but let’s just say we’re all forgiven and be back to normal, ok? We’re still going to California, right?”
He huffed out a laugh. “Caden, if we didn’t your parents would kill us. Even if we were still fighting, we would’ve had to go on that trip. It was expensive.”
I smiled. I rubbed his hands in mine. No one seemed to be paying attention, but right then I didn’t care if they were. “So,” I said with a little grin, “can we have make-up sex now? I’ve never done that.”
“Never? Well, we missed out then, because break up sex is just as good.”
I smirked. “You want to try fighting again, so we can do both?”
He burst out laughing. “I wish I could…” he hesitated, and I hated it because it was my fault, “but I have to work.”
I shrugged. “Alright, tomorrow, then?”
“I’m working tomorrow, too. I have to make up for being gone next week.”
I really wished he didn’t look so uncomfortable bringing up work with me. “Ok, then, I guess it will be in California.” I smiled at him. He finally smiled back. Before he left, I stopped him and added, “I meant it. Every part of you. I love it all, Jamie. You’re the best damn pole dancer I’ve ever seen. Please don’t dwell on drunk dumbass Caden’s angry words. I love you.”
He smiled a little brighter. “I love you, too.”
???
We seriously considered trying for the mile-high club, but if the flight got diverted or we got arrested or something after my parents had paid for it, saying we’d never hear the end of it would be the understatement of the century. Plus, those bathrooms were pretty small. Also, we were always really loud.
We made it to California with our dicks still in our pants, even if we maybe weren’t completely happy about that. We ended up in a huge, luxurious ski lodge, and Jamie stopped right inside the door and looked around in awe. It seemed that for a minute he even forgot how long it had been since we’d had any alone time. He’d told me he had never been on a vacation before. Not even once.
I had to admit that my parents had outdone themselves as I took in the lavish lobby. The biggest fireplace I’d ever seen was along one wall, with rows of coffee and hot chocolate stations nearby. There was plenty of cushy furniture to lounge in and places to mingle, with books and games on rows of bookshelves built into the walls. You could see the ski slopes out the floor-to ceiling windows. The entire room was lit in the soft glow of the fireplace and the rustic chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings. It was pretty amazing, but honestly, right then skiing and socializing were not my top priorities. The bed I knew was waiting for us, was. I hurried to the desk to check in.
Our room was amazing. It was huge, one full wall just a window overlooking the snow-covered mountains where we could see people skiing in the distance. We had our own fireplace, which I started immediately, because, romantic. The walls were polished wood, the wooden floors covered in soft rugs, the bed bigger than any I’d ever seen. We were definitely going to make use of that.
The room was lit in a cozy glow from the fire and a little lamp that had been left on for us on a table near the window. We dropped our suitcases in front of the closet, because neither of us could wait any longer to get our hands on each other. What with the fight, then the working, it had been a really long time.
He lunged at me first, attacking my mouth with his. He seemed to have already lost interest in the room he’d been so awed by only seconds before. I slowly walked him backwards toward the bed, tugging at his clothes. He was wearing layers because it was cold, and he was completely acclimated to Florida’s climate. He’d already taken off his coat, but his layers were driving me nuts. I pulled off a hoodie, then a long-sleeved t-shirt, then a tank top. I growled by the time I got to the third shirt, and he just laughed.
I finally got all of his shirts off of him and gripped his hips. “Is it time for that make-up sex now?” I asked him. He responded by pulling off my hoodie and the t-shirt underneath. He went back in for another kiss. Suddenly, I had the urge to abolish any doubts he still had that I knew exactly what I wanted. I returned the kiss, but then pulled back and looked at him. “Get your pants off and get on your hands and knees on the bed for me, baby.”
His pupils blew wide, and he immediately reached for the button of his jeans. I went to grab the bottle of lube from my checked luggage, because I wasn’t about to try carrying that on the plane. I only had to rummage for a minute before finding it, and when I stood, Jamie was looking over his shoulder at me, naked and on all fours, just like I’d asked. There was a huge mirror opposite the bed, and I realized that I really wanted to watch from more than one angle, so I smacked him on the ass to get him to turn and face the mirror.
He turned, and I saw the moment he noticed the mirror and realized what I wanted. He caught my eye in it and watched as I climbed onto the bed behind him and lubed up my fingers. I started with one, still wearing my pants as my erection pressed into them almost painfully, and I found his sweet spot immediately. He bit his lip but kept his eyes on mine in the mirror. When I added a second, his eyes slipped closed as I worked them in and out, rubbing over his prostate on every other pass just to tease him.
