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He ignored me all weekend. I started out crying on Jesse’s shoulder in our dorm, then Caitlin’s, then Jeff’s. I knew I’d screwed up. I wasn’t sure if he was just pissed, or if we’d actually broken up, because he wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t want to break up. I knew I could fix it if he’d just give me a chance.
I texted him incessantly. Jamie, please. Can we talk? I’m a dumbass.
Jamie, I’m really sorry. Really. I didn’t know people were saying things to you at the party. I didn’t mean to leave you alone there.
I never should have brought up your job. I know it’s just a job. I was just mad and stupid.
I do trust you, you know.
Jamie, can you please forgive me? Will you just talk to me?
I’m sorry you’re a secret right now. I’m trying. Please, I promise I’ll get there.
???
He didn’t answer my texts all weekend. I couldn’t even tell if he read them. He wasn’t in calc on Monday or Tuesday. I went to his dorm Tuesday afternoon. I’d never actually been there, but I knew his room number. I knocked loudly on the door and some guy I’d never met opened it in a pair of sweatpants, holding a bag of chips. “Hey. Is Jamie here?”
The guy shook his head. “Naw. He’s still in some class. Algebra? No. I don’t know. Hey, aren’t you Caden? Caden Conner from the hockey team?”
“Yeah.” So it wasn’t that Jamie was sick, or even that he was avoiding school. He was just avoiding me.
“Hey, man, great season!”
“Yeah…thanks,” I muttered, and headed away from the room.
I tried texting Jamie again. Caitlin told me to give it a rest. “Caden, maybe he needs some space right now. Give it a little time. He loves you. I know this. He was just hurt, several times in one night, and he might need to go lick his wounds before he can just bounce back. Let him heal a little bit and he’ll come back to you.”
But I didn’t like that. I didn’t want to be away from him. And I didn’t like the thought of him having to go hide to lick wounds I’d caused.
I hunted Amber down, and she reluctantly stopped when I ran after her and begged her to talk to me. “Please, Amber, I just need to talk to him. I can’t find him, and he won’t answer my texts. My head’s a mess. I don’t even know where we stand. Does he want to break up with me? Did he already?”
She sighed, but finally looked me in the eye. “Caden, he doesn’t want to break up with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded, “What, you think I want to break up with him? I’m texting him a million times a day. I’m looking for him everywhere.”
She shook her head. “You don’t get it, do you?” And no, I guess I didn’t. “It’s not that he thinks you consciously want to break up with him. But you can’t just…look, he’s my best friend in the world. And the way he’s been all week…I can’t stand it. So when you guys end up figuring all this out…” she looked around, then that tiny little wisp of a girl pulled herself up to her full height and looked at me with venom in her eyes, “if you hurt him again, so help me Caden Connor I will come for you. I know where you sleep.” Ok. Mad respect for his bestie.
“I don’t want to hurt him, Amber. I feel terrible. I love him. I swear to God. I swear to everything. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
Her eyes softened. “I know.”
“Please tell me where he is so I can talk to him.”
“I can’t. But…he’ll come around.” She turned and walked away, leaving me standing alone on the sidewalk.
???
I found him in the coffee shop on Wednesday afternoon. He was sitting inside because it was chilly that day. We were supposed to board a flight to California in two days. It was too late to get my parents’ money back. They were going to kill me. But if I could just win Jamie back, I wouldn’t even care. I wouldn’t care about vacations or flights or anything like that. All I cared about was him.
He was sitting alone at a booth in the far corner with his back to the room. I didn’t care what Caitlin said, I needed to talk to him. I marched right to his booth and didn’t even ask, just plopped down in the seat across from him. He glanced up in my direction but didn’t meet my eyes. He didn’t tell me to leave, though, and he didn’t try to leave himself, so I felt like that was at least progress. His eyes dropped back to the coffee in front of him.
“Jamie, please. Stop ignoring me. I just want to talk to you.”
“So talk.” He didn’t sound angry, just tired. Worn completely out. I noticed the under-eye circles he couldn’t quite cover up even with the make-up he’d used to attempt to. His eyes looked bloodshot and a little puffy.
“I’m sorry,” I started.
“Yeah, you’ve said that.”
