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He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m an asshole.”
“Seriously? I mean, it’s been days. You never reached out to apologize. If I had moved, you just would have never talked to me again?”
“Of course not. I would have wallowed for a few days and then pulled my shit together. I was hurt. I was freaked out that I’d told you that I loved you and you hadn’t responded.”
I knew he was trying, but he couldn’t react like this every time he misread a situation.
“River. You told me you loved me on a sticky note. One that you stuck to the back of a contract. What if I hadn’t ever found it?”
“I’m not good at this, Ruby.” He moved closer, reaching for my hands and taking them in his. “I know I fucked up.”
I let out a long breath. “Your friends dragged you here. You didn’t come on your own. You need to figure your shit out. I’m scared, too. And you hurt me. A lot.”
“Well, I didn’t see you coming to my door to explain things.”
I tugged my hands away. “That’s because you didn’t give me a chance. I was planning to come talk to you that night, but instead, you showed up at the bar acting like a lunatic. I’d just accepted the position at Fresh Start, and I was excited to tell you. Nervous that maybe you didn’t feel the same way about me, but I was still willing to put myself out there. Do you know how it made me feel that you thought I was lying the whole time we were together? And still, here we are, with your friends dragging you to talk to me. That’s not good enough. None of this is good enough. And I’m tired of settling. Figure your shit out, and after you do, then come and find me.” I stormed away. This was not the apology I wanted. A future was built on trust, and if we didn’t have that, there was no point.
“Me not trusting you had a lot more to do with me than you,” he said. I was surprised by the admission, and I came to a stop.
“Agreed.”
“I’m not used to putting faith in other people, and the way I feel about you—it scares the shit out of me.”
“Well, then, I guess you better figure out what you want to do about that. Because this”—I shrugged—“isn’t good enough. Next time you come talk to me, come because you want to. Come because you know what you want.”
And I strode out of the barn, leaving him standing there.
Along with half of my heart.
As much as it hurt, I knew I’d done the right thing. I knew who River was, and I had faith that he would figure it out.
That we would figure it out.
I wasn’t taking a risk on a man who wasn’t willing to fight for me. To apologize when he was wrong. And look me in the eye and tell me that he loves me.
When I fell into bed a few hours later, I cried myself to sleep, just as I did the next several nights.
Yeah, apparently, that was my new thing.
I cried daily now.
I hadn’t heard from River, and I missed him terribly.
A part of me worried that maybe we were both incapable of love.
Two broken people who were better off on their own.
I needed to know that River wanted this.
Wantedme.
I parked in the employee spot that Terrence had appointed as mine, and I made my way inside the building.
Jenna was sitting behind the front desk, whispering to Terrence, when I walked up and said hello. They both looked at me with weird smiles on their faces, and I brushed at my cheeks and my mouth. “Do I have food on my face or something? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“What?” Terrence asked. “No. I don’t see anything. I don’t know what you mean.”
“Me either.” Jenna chuckled.
