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“—that was my mistake. I just…” She presses her lips flat, releases them. “Well, I’ll make sure it’s fixed and?—”
My mom reaches out and takes her hand. “We love you both, honey. We’re happy to help out in any way.”
“That goes with this stuff,” my dad says then nods at her phone. “And with the team. Family comes first.”
A statement that flies through the air and sinks deep into my belly like a sharp as shit blade.
I grit my teeth, exhale silently. “I’ll be here.”
Three heads swivel in my direction.
“You don’t need to hire a nanny,” I say. “When you’re with the team, I’ve got Roxie.”
There’s a long pause.
Then Brit clears her throat. “That’s exactly what we were trying to avoid when we hammered out custody. You’re not responsible for covering my time while I’m working.” Her tone grows more than a little frosty, and I know I deserve it. “Especially when you were so unhappy doing that during our marriage?—”
Another jab to the middle.
“You can stay here as long as you want, of course. I won’t take that away from Rox. But I’ll make sure there’s a responsible adult covering me when I’m not here.”
I could point out that I am a responsible adult.
But that would just work at undoing all of the shit I had been trying to work toward since I asked for the divorce.
So, I just nod, lift one shoulder in a shrug, and say, “If that’s what you want.”
I’m looking for a sign—I can’t pretend I’m not—that she’s lying, that she wants me to argue and demand a presence in her life.
I’ve seen that fight, that hope over and over these last months.
It’s not here today though.
It’s replaced with determination that has my insides twisting, that lance in my belly sinking deeper, twisting for good measure.
I know that determination.
It’s what got her into the NHL, has helped her stay there.
It’s unstoppable.
And it means…that I’ve officially lost her.
It’s what I wanted these last months, what I needed.
So…
Why does it feel like my world has just ended?
* * *
A couple of hours of waiting on Queen Rox (and giving the proper amount of appreciation for her manicure—Caribbean Blue and fittingly, Emperor Purple), my parents take off.
We’ve all eaten. Rested. Watched lots and lots of YouTube videos.
Tiff braided her hair.
My mom read her book after book.
