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Palmer
The cabin is slowly becoming my second home. I light a candle that I bought at the farmers’ market last year and brought with me. It smells like a man’s cologne, and I’m hoping it will help me channel Pete for his point of view in my story.
Because though this story needs to be written, I’d really rather spend my day with Hudson. He doesn’t have any lessons this morning and wanted to spend Adley’s time at preschool in bed with me. It was tempting and hard to deny him, but I have to finish this book.
When I saw the email from my editor this morning, it made my decision for me.
The sooner I knock this out, the sooner I can spend my free time with Hudson, so I tell myself that today is worth spending the time writing.
Bea knew Pete wouldn’t abandon her. She couldn’t remember if they’d used a condom and it broke or if they hadn’t bothered at all with protection in their drunkenness. When she was one week late, she chalked it up to stress. Stress about losing Pete after they had hooked up. Stress that he was now her roommate. Stress that she didn’t have a clue what she was going to do with her life. When her period didn’t come by the third week, something inside her told her to take a test and here they were. Her crying while Pete tried to assure her everything would be fine. She had to get a grip.
She wiped her tears from her face with her palm.
“Are you sure you’re pregnant?”
She laughed, although it was sarcastic and not fair to him. He hadn’t seen the six tests she’d taken.
“Stupid question.” Pete shook his head. “Do you know what you want to do?”
Bea hadn’t thought of anything except how similar this all seemed to her mother’s story when she was pregnant with her. Other than the fact that her mother was madly in love with her dad, and they were together at the time. Until…Bea didn’t want to go into the past again. All it ever did was conjure up hurt and anger. As everyone always told her, she had to get over it.
Her hand landed on her stomach. Although there was no movement from the little being growing inside her, she knew there was only one decision to be made. She picked up her head and exhaled a deep breath. “I want to have the baby.”
Pete exhaled hard and sat down on one of the chairs, no expression on his face.
“You don’t have to…I mean, I’ll go home and raise the baby. You don’t have to be involved. I don’t want to force this on you.” She thought she was giving Pete an out, but he sprang from the chair so forcefully it toppled back, banging against the floor.
“What?” Pete walked away from her, tugging at his neck. He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t look at her. He didn’t do anything except stare at the wall.
Bea’s stomach clenched. Was he mad at her? Because it took two people to get here. She knew he had dreams of making it in the snowboarding world, that he had been spending a lot of time perfecting his tricks, and a baby would throw a kink in his plan. Neither of them made nearly enough money at their jobs, but surely others with less made it work.
“Talk to me,” she said in a near whisper.
He turned around, and she’d rarely seen the expression he wore on his face. He’d certainly never looked at her with it. He was livid, and she didn’t understand why. Her defensive side had her straightening her back as she prepared for a fight.
“In all the time you’ve known me, how could you think I wouldn’t be there to help? That I wouldn’t stand at your side? That I wouldn’t hold your hand when our child is born? Fuck, Bea, this pisses me off.” He stormed into the kitchen, and she followed.
He grabbed a beer from the fridge, cracked it open, and downed half the bottle. When he slammed it on the counter, she was surprised it didn’t break. As she processed what he was actually angry about, she realized she had underestimated him, and he was right to be upset.
She knew this man. How could she think he’d do anything other than support her decision.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to feel trapped.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach, nausea rumbling hard.
He shook his head. “It’s not ideal. I think you agree with me on that since you cried when you told me. But it’s our baby, Bea. Half you and half me.” His gaze fell to her stomach. “I’d never walk away from you two, and I thought you knew that about me. I thought you trusted me.”
Bea flinched at the word trust. She knew she had no good reason not to trust the people in her life. But she still always expected the worst of them. She was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for people to prove to her that they weren’t who they said they were. She was sure they’d disappoint her if she gave them all of herself. The lie about her parents that she’d discovered at fourteen had shaken her to her core. But Pete had never done one thing wrong.
“I do trust you,” she admitted. Walking over, she slid her arms around his stomach. “I trust you, Pete.”
He was one of the few people in the world where that held true. She hadn’t realized it until just that moment. When she saw those positive signs on all the tests, she’d had a gut feeling that Pete wouldn’t walk away from her now. But that seed of doubt always sat in her subconscious mind, waiting for anything to nurture it to life.
She looked up at him. His arms lay limp at his sides. “I’m sorry. Can we start this over?”
Pete’s eyes met hers, and a slow smile creased his lips. “Yeah.” He sheltered her in his arms. The warmth of that hug felt like home. “We’ll figure this out together.”
Bea allowed all the alarms in her head to quiet, or maybe it was Pete who silenced them. All she knew was that she’d do anything for this little one growing inside her body and she’d never take him or her away from their father.
I shut Adley’s door quietly and tiptoe downstairs. I find Hudson on the couch, sprawled on his back, remote in hand.
