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“And thank you, Mary.”
I swallow, still meeting his gaze. I have to tell him about the feelings I’m developing. I have to, because if I don’t? Things will never change.
My heart is slowly breaking.
“May I speak, sir?”
“Yes, of course.”
I fall to my knees, take his hands in mine, still meeting his gaze. Very strange, because normally when I’m on my knees, I’m not allowed to look at him.
“What is it?” He pulls me to my feet.
He’s right. It’s better this way. If I’m going to speak about what’s been happening to me lately, we need to be on equal footing.
“Sir”—I clear my throat—“I was wondering… I was wondering if perhaps we could go out sometime. Maybe to get dinner.”
Lucas furrows his brow. “That sounds like a date, Mary. Once we entered this lifestyle, we agreed we were no longer dating.”
“I suppose it could be a date.” I look down. “Or it could be two friends having dinner.”
“We’re not friends, Mary.”
His words slice into my heart like a sharp knife.
We’re lovers, playmates, partners in many ways. We don’t play with other people. We both made that commitment to each other when we began this journey. I’ve learned so much from this man, and I’ve enjoyed the path it’s taken me on. I’m a submissive at heart. It’s what I like in the bedroom. I like bondage, and I like being dominated.
And while I understood that it may not be a long-term relationship…I always thought we were friends.
“You don’t consider me a friend, sir?”
“Mary, we defined the parameters of this thing between us when we ended our dating relationship and began this one.”
“Yes, I understand that. I’ve learned so much from you, sir. I’ve enjoyed it, and I found out a lot about my sexual proclivities. But I’m almost twenty-one.”
“Yes, I’ve been looking forward to your birthday.”
“You have?” Happiness surges through me.
“Yes. Because once you’re twenty-one, I can take you to a club.”
That happiness? It fizzles into something I can’t name and settles in my gut.
“Well, yes,” I say. “I’ve been looking forward to exploring the clubs as well.”
“Playing privately in the club won’t be much different than playing privately at my home.”
Lucas has his own dungeon, complete with many tables and toys and other paraphernalia.
“What is the difference, then?”
“It’s a different experience. You’ll meet others like yourself. Have conversations. You can play in public or in private.”
I gulp. “In public?”
“If you’re an exhibitionist by nature. Which I happen to be, Mary.”
Play in front of others? I gulp again. So much Lucas and I haven’t talked about. But still… Just being near him makes me giddy. His kisses melt my heart.
