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Brenda drops her jaw. “Oh my God. Don’t tell me you’re considering being a submissive in real life?”
“I don’t know what I’m considering anymore.” I set my wineglass down a little too harshly, and a few drops splash out. I quickly wipe them up with a tissue. “Nothing seems to make sense. What I liked so much about playing solely at the club was I didn’t have the headache and heartache of a relationship to deal with in everyday life. I go to work. I sell clothing and toys. I teach classes a couple nights a week. Friday and Saturday nights, I go to the club, usually pick up a scene. That’s it, other than going to the gym with you. That’s my life, and I was content. I am content.”
“Is content all you want?”
“Content is amazing. I have you. I have some other friends. That’s the only workout my emotions need. Friendship.”
She frowns. “So if something happened to me…”
“I’d be devastated, of course. It would rip my heart out. You’ve been my bestie since we were eighteen years old. But it’s different, and you know it.”
“Yes,” she says, a dreamy look on her face. “It’s definitely different.”
I don’t need to be clairvoyant to know she’s thinking about Dalton and the love they share.
It’s been a long time since I saw that look on my own face.
Not since…
Then I wonder… This thing with Ronan. It’s happening so quickly, and I know better than to let my emotions rule me. Most likely it’s just intense attraction.
But I’ve experienced intense attraction before, at the club with certain Doms. But that’s all it was. Purely physical. Chemistry.
I never take it home with me.
“Emotion is not a bad thing,” Brenda says.
I stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Did I say it was? I feel emotion for you. For my other friends. For my mom. I just don’t want the kind that can fucking shatter your heart into a million pieces.”
“’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” Brenda says, that dreamy look still on her face. She pours herself another glass of wine.
“Easy for you to say. You’re right at the beginning of an amazing relationship. What if you lost Dalton?”
She stops pouring and nearly slams the bottle down. “Don’t say things like that. He’s on a fucking airplane right now.”
“See what I mean? You’d be devastated. And I’d be there for you, but no friendship in the world can make up for the loss of a love like you and Dalton have.”
“Mary…”
“You’d be heartbroken if something happened to me or to one of your other friends. One of your parents, your sisters. It wouldn’t be the same as if something happened to Dalton. Those are things you don’t recover from, Brenda. And I don’t want to be in that situation.”
Brenda glares at me, drinking her wine.
“Don’t get pissed. I’m only stating the truth, and you know it. Dalton’s fine. He’s going to be here in about an hour. Then the two of you can have crazy monkey sex all night, and I’ll go home and…” I shake my head.
Brenda softens. “You’re going to wait for Ronan to get home on Sunday and come to your place.”
I say nothing.
I say nothing because she’s fucking right, and we both know it.
…
I lower my gaze, not looking at Lucas until he instructs that I can.
“Look at me, Mary.”
I raise my gaze to meet his. “Thank you, sir.”
