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“Well then…” Brenda waggles her eyebrows. “Seems you are ready to get back in the saddle.”
“I’m not sure.” I sigh. “Let’s just put it this way. I won’t be wearing leather or lingerie. I’ll be wearing another club dress like I did last night.”
“You looked hot as hell last night.”
“Maybe I’ll try not to look so hot tonight,” I say.
“Mary, you can do hot in your sleep.”
My cheeks warm at the compliment. It’s funny. I’ve never thought of myself as hot. My reddish-brown hair and brown eyes are far from special. I’m not like Brenda, who’s drop-dead gorgeous with creamy skin, dark hair, and deep brown eyes with lashes to die for. And then her body… Yeah, swimsuit model material.
“If you say so.”
“I say so, and so does everyone else who sees you at the club. You radiate there, Mary. Your submissiveness radiates. You know that. You’ve attracted some of the hottest Doms there.”
She’s not wrong. Something about my freckled girl-next-door look, I guess.
“Are you going to be at the club tonight?” I ask.
“I wasn’t planning to,” Brenda says. “It just feels weird to be there without Dalton. But if you need me there, I’ll be there for you. You know that.”
I mull it over for a minute and then shake my head. “You know? This is something I need to do for myself. I’ll go. I’ll sit at the bar. But did you notice that only Ronan approached me last night?”
Brenda cocks her head. “I guess you’re right. I didn’t think about it.”
“Normally a couple Doms approach me.”
“Don’t forget about the fact that Ronan was sitting at the table with you for quite a large part of the night. He definitely has hands-off exuding from him.”
“Maybe. Or maybe I’m the one who had a neon hands-off flashing on my forehead last night. None of my usual Doms came up to me.”
“Maybe it’s because you’ve been avoiding the club ever since the incident with Jack.”
“Or maybe I’ve lost my mojo.”
She gives a short laugh. “You haven’t lost any mojo.”
“No, really, I think I have. Before the incident, I would’ve rushed to get back into a scene with Ronan. We certainly conversed enough for me to feel comfortable with him and trust him in the secure environment of Black Rose. He’s the best-looking guy to come through those doors in a long time—and that’s saying a lot, because you know how good-looking most of those guys are.”
“Don’t I know it.”
Indeed, Dalton is nearly as hot as Ronan, just in a completely different way.
I sigh. “I’ll be honest, Brenda. I do want you there with me tonight, but I’m going to specifically ask you not to come. This is something I have to face myself. Perhaps tonight I’ll figure out whether the scene is for me anymore.”
“I just can’t imagine you leaving. This is such a huge part of your life,” she says. “You work at Treasure’s Chest, and you teach those classes.”
“I can still teach those. I can certainly still sell the stuff. I’m good at it. I’m an experienced submissive, whether I’m currently in the lifestyle or not. Nothing stops me from teaching it to others.”
Brenda reaches across the table and squeezes my arm. “True. But are you sure you want to be alone? I can be there for you.”
I’m far from sure, but if Brenda is there, holding my hand, I won’t be able to figure out how the scene figures in my future. She’s a submissive through and through. She and Dalton will never leave the scene, and that’s okay.
But I need to find out what’s right for me.
“I’m sure,” I say, hoping my voice sounds as confident as the words. “This is something I need to do alone.”
…
