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“Couldn’t you have cleaned once?”
I left Jessica as she stammered a reply and entered my room, slamming the door shut. I buried myself under the covers of my soft bed and tried to close my eyes, but a vicious cycle of images passed through my head like a slideshow: the nude pictures, Ben, William in handcuffs, him breaking up with me, the paparazzi outside his apartment, and Jessica and Luke waiting for me in the kitchen with a bottle of champagne.
As I thought of them, I felt a fresh wave of remorse and shame. They had done nothing but support me. Luke posted bail for William and they planned to celebrate my new job with me, but how could I celebrate when William was suffering?
* * *
I woke up the next morning with my eyes swollen shut with dried tears. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my phone, hoping for a text from Will or a missed call—nothing.
He really is done with me.
I hurled itto the carpeted floor, which absorbed the force of my throw. A swell of rage burst through my limbs and I wanted to smash the phone with my feet. Ben was the one who deserved this. I took it and threw it across the room with a small scream but I only felt disappointment when it struck the wall, leaving a small dent in the plaster.
Jessica was in the kitchen when I emerged from my bedroom. Her delicate wisps of hair were caught into a severe ponytail and she looked at me and flinched, as if she expected me to throw her across the room, too. I couldn’t help but notice the spotless floor.
“I’m sorry about yesterday."
She nodded. “It’s fine. You’re pissed. I would be too.”
“I need to apologize to Luke, too. He’s been nothing but helpful.” I sank down at one of the metal chairs surrounding the kitchen table and heaved a great sigh. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on.”
“For starters, you could press charges against Ben.”
I snorted. “With what evidence? And money? The fucking bastard won. He got what he wanted, he drove us apart.”
It should have been easy to move on from a three-week relationship, but I grew way too attached to him during those weeks and there was that I was never happier in my life. I never felt so satisfied with someone. Still, I tried to seize upon the advice I always gave to other people.
Oh well, you’ll find someone else. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Only there weren’t any that interested me. I had done nothing wrong. It ended because of Ben.
No, it ended because of Will. He doesn’t want you.
“Maybe you should go back to his apartment,” she suggested.
“If he doesn’t want me, he doesn’t want me. Begging won’t help my cause.”
“This isn'tabout begging. I’m talking about just being there for him, even if you’re not in a relationship.”
I grabbed my laptop from my room and collapsed onto the couch, reading my work emails, which consisted ofan introduction from HR. I turned on the TV for a distraction.
Bury yourself in work. Don’t think about it.
The only reason I had this job was because of Will.
Jessica sat at the table. Every so often, she would give me an unhappy look as if my misery infected her.
I half-listened to the TV as I drafted a profanity-laden email to Ben that I wouldn’t send. There was something about an exclusive report and I almost wanted to change the channel.
I’m so sick of the news.
“Natalie!” Jessica gasped.
A familiar voice spoke from the TV and I lifted my head from the laptop, bewildered. William stood in front of his apartment dressed in a suit. He looked—
“Oh my God. He looks terrible!” Jessica clapped her hands in front of her mouth and her face went red. “Sorry.”
He hadn’t shaved for at least five days and his face was skull-like. Bloodshot eyes looked into the camera without blinking.
