Page 52 of Love and War


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I couldn’t help a quiet snort. “Yeah. You can give me a couple days off.”

At that, Cameron laughed with me and nudged me in the side. “You could have asked me days ago.”

“I know, but I needed this.” Therapy had been a distraction from sitting around and worrying, but it had also done wonders for me. I could navigate fairly well on my own, especially if I was paying attention. I knew my way around my kitchen, I could read dot-labels with my fingers, I could navigate my new phone with the voice-over, though it wasn’t yet up to Cameron’s speed. Cameron was also working on transcribing tactile maps for me, and the Council was thrilled with my progress so far.

But it was time for me to hit pause and take this time with Misha in case it was the last I would ever have. The thought settled heavy in my chest, and this time I couldn’t shake it. “Can you call for the car? I need to get the fuck out of here.”

Cameron gave me a pat, then stood, and as I heard him walk off, my hands swept the ground until I found my fallen cane. I had a feeling I’d always have a love-hate relationship with the damn thing, but I didn’t mind when I could locate the edge of the pavement and make my way back toward the building without needing to ask for help.

The compound had so little to serve as training grounds, let alone therapy or medical facilities, so we were making do with what we could. But as the days crept on, it became more and more obvious that this was not meant to last. There had to be a way to hide in plain sight, but I needed access to information first.

Tuning into Cameron, I followed his voice down the hall, remembering the twists and turns to the front, and I came to a stop as my cane directed me toward the rubber mat which indicated the front doors. “How long?” I asked when he stopped talking.

“The car’s right outside.” I heard Cameron take a step closer, and I knew the touch was coming, a gentle squeeze of my forearm. “Please keep me posted. And if the worst happens,” he said with hesitation, “don’t give up.”

I couldn’t make him that promise. I wanted to believe I was stronger than death—whether it was mine or someone I loved. After all, I had seen so damn much of it over the years, it was like an old friend. But Misha was different, and I had no way to predict how hard I would fall when he did.

If he did, I reminded myself.

I appreciated that Cameron didn’t help me to the car, and over the last several days, the heat of humiliation at being seen sweeping my cane and following sound and groping my way to door handles or objects he wanted me to find had cooled into a low simmer. I situated myself in the back seat, only allowing a moment to lament the loss of driving, and then I closed my eyes and waited for the short ride to be over.

When the car pulled up to the curb, I could sense Misha waiting for me in the thrum of our bond like a quiet heartbeat. I folded my cane and tucked it under my arm, waiting for his touch the moment my feet hit the ground. He fit against my body with a soft warmth, and I took his face against my hand, licking the seam of his lips before kissing him gently.

A desperation was building inside me—the need to take him away from the compound, and the need to break out of there so I could feel actual wind on my face. I didn’t say any of those things aloud, but I could tell he felt them. They were impossible to hide.

“You should call Orion,” he said quietly as we headed for the apartment. “He mentioned something about the Wolves having a place to go during the moons, didn’t he?”

I shrugged as I waited for him to get the door, then I threw my jacket and cane on the table before making my way to the couch. My body was sore from the tension of therapy, but more than that, my wolf wanted out enough that I was starting to ache. I had never denied the shift for so long, especially when I was injured, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold out until after the moon.

“Kor,” Misha said when I offered him only silence. The cushion beside me dipped, but then he changed his mind and swung a leg over my thighs and straddled me. My hands went to his hips, a reflexive movement, and I dug my fingers into the soft skin there just under his sweats. We still had no real clothes, but if I had my way, I’d keep him like this forever. He laughed as he sensed the edges of my thoughts, and he brushed his lips against mine. “You can’t keep this up. I can feel it.”

I nuzzled my nose against his and wondered what it would feel like to be near him in my other form. Normally, I avoided humans, but he no longer had any real traces of human scent left in him. Danyal seemed to think whatever change his father’s experiments had triggered were finished—that this was Misha’s final form. And when he was questioned at the last exam, he said he had no urges to shift, which Danyal took as a good sign, but I couldn’t bring myself to trust anything but post-moon proof that he would be fine.

And I was half-certain I would worry for the rest of my life that one day, one of the moons would trigger something, and it would end.

“Please,” he whispered against my cheek. “The moon isn’t for a few days, and if there’s a safe space, we can go together and be alone.”

“We’d need guards,” I told him.

“So not entirely alone, but with people you trust,” he said.

He was so easy, so fucking kind in ways I wasn’t sure anyone was capable of. I dragged my fingers up and down his spine and nipped the corner of his jaw. “My wolf wants to know you, but I’m afraid of what will happen.”

“You won’t hurt me,” he said with a confidence I don’t think I’ve ever possessed, and I couldn’t help my smile.

“I wasn’t worried about that.” I held him by the hair and pressed our foreheads together. The smell of him, the feel of his soft skin, the sound of his breathing and his heart—they all painted a picture of who he was, and I basked in it for long moments. “Will you hand me my phone?”

He must have known the concession for what it was, because he shot off my lap and was back within seconds. I tucked him in close as my fingers dragged along the screen, listening to the voice read out the icons until I found Orion’s number. I tapped it twice, then held it to my ear as I stroked my nails along Misha’s scalp.

“I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today,” Orion said by way of answer.

I sighed. “I’m taking off from Council shit until after the moon. But”—I hesitated and squeezed my eyes shut—“I need a favor.”

“Anything.” I could hear he meant it, and it both irritated and calmed me because it was out of pity, and it reminded me that he was my brother in all ways that mattered.

“I need to get the fuck out of here for my first shift. I can’t do it underground.”

He was quiet a long while. “I have a couple of Betas who are free to take you to the preserve. It’s not a lot of land, but it’s out of the way and constantly monitored.”

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